adult children dont speak to me

[luise.volta]

Atta' Girl!

[Footloose]

Boy did you guys get this right!  They ask cuz they want to tell you about their family!  They do not really care about the answer regarding your situation.

I love the story telling ideas!  LOL!  Can u imagine the reaction to, "I was seeing my son and his family often and the GSs would even stay over night...until the indecent.  It appears my DIL did not appreciate the child porn video family nite!"  or "She disapproved of my enrolling the boys into the KKK Junior Comrade Scouts."  The more shocking the better!  Shuts the nosiness right off too!  Don't try this at home ladies, just being silly here!

When my son was in football,  I made friends with fellow parents.  There was a trio of gad flies  that would only pay attention to others when they were fishing for gossip fodder.  They were the stuck up types that were "better" than the rest.  I came back one season and had been dieting since they saw me last.  One of them was probably sent by the gaggle to get the scoop.  "WOW,  you have really lost a lot of weight!  How'd you do it?!" i didn't even plan my reply but was annoyed by her intrusion.  So right out of my mouth comes, "I have Cancer."  Her faced dropped and she was speechless!  I said no more and let her tell the whole world about me.  LOL!!

I tell stories to rude intruders about my legs too.  Oh this is fun!  I'll say:
Damned Toyota Prius!
Killer Whales in Orlando
Unfortunate airboat/ alligator incident in everglades (told this to a neighbor at a boat marina when taking a trip w/ a friend. When we got back to the dock, I realized this guy was friends with my friend so I said, "man, I gotta let you off the hook, I really lost them to an infection."  He cussed and said, "now I gotta go and tell everyone the real story!")
Shark!
IUD (instead of IED to measure ignorance)
i once passed by some teens who had been sneaking cigarettes by the pool and casually said, "u may want to reconsider that habit.  that's how I lost my legs." LOL!!!!

Story possibilities for my DS issue:
-Witness Protection Program (i luv it!)
-My drug, alcohol and prostitution problems
-buying the 3 year old a hand gun w/ ammo and concealed permit/ allowing him to have full control.  GS is a packing!
-No grooming at grannies and clothing is optional
-Teaching foreign language cuss words
-Camping while awaiting for the mother ship to return us to our planet of origin
-aliens!
-Something about me driving them around.  My lawyer J Cochran got me cleared of that DUI -vehicular homicide charge

Ain't I a stinker?!

[sassy56]

It appears that most of you were on here last June 4th 2012. I hope I'm not too late to join in.
I too am going through the pain of adult children refusing to have anything to do with me. I am not sure why they are doing this, but no matter why, It hurts. I have been going through this for about 3 yrs. It began gradually. I lived near my children about 3 yrs ago and would rarely see my kids and grandkids. I was not included in B-day parties, Christmas and other important days. They would drive right past my home to visit oneanother, and never included me. I attempted to include myself, when I was told I was only thinking of myself. So, I stopped trying to include myself and waited to be included. I wasn't even asked to come to my son's wedding. That almost destroyed me. I thought my son and I were very close. About a year ago, I decided to move hundreds of miles away. Ifelt it would be easier to have the excuse ( inside my head ) that I'm too far away, thus unable to attend or even be asked to attend any family gatherings. Therefore, it wouldn't hurt so bad. Yeah right! I had an accident about a year ago and had a truamatic head injury. My youngest daughter had always told me that if I were to ever get to where I had to have help, I would stay with her until I got better....or stay indefinitly should I need to. So, when I called her to see if she was still willing to help me, because I was having so many problems with swelling on the brain and on-going medical problems I knew I shouldn't be alone. And where I moved to, I know no one at all. She told me that she would be forced to make a decision ....me or her sister ( my oldest). Thus she said no. Of course I would never want her put in that position and told her not to worry about it. That I would be fine. a few months went by and I tried to talk to my son and my youngest daughter and they both rejected me and said it was my problem since I chose to move so far away. Later my youngest daughter told me I was dead to her. I still have no idea what I have done. All I really know is that I must find away to move on and rebuild my life. I had raised all three children alone most of their lives. Once their father abandoned us, I decided to go back to school and get my Degree in Social Work. I knew I wouldn't be able to raise my children trying to work 2 or 3 min. wage jobs. I recieved my Degree in SW and did very well financially and was able to take care of my children without any help. I lived and breathed my children. My whole life was to be the very best mother in the world and make sure my children had a great start. I did it!! To just let you know a little history, I had no prior education to my degree. So I really had a rough time getting through college....But I did it!!
Anyway, now I feel like all I did was forget about me. In my attempt to carry on alone....I am having such a hard time. I have already had one heart attack and many other health issues. I must say though, I feel I am doing much better today than I was doing. I will find a way to make it...even if its alone. However, It would be so nice to have a support system. May I ask all of you that have gone through this for advice? I have read all your comments and replies. All of you appear so strong and able. I pray I'll get there, and I will with your support.
Thank you for reading.
Respectfully;
Sassy56

[Footloose]

Sassy,  Welcome to our family!  You are NOT alone!  We will never understand the why but we all know that it is NOT our faults for the issues our adult Children have with their past, current and future lives.  We did our BEST.  No parent is perfect and I believe that is part of the grand design! Cognitive Dissonance (Peewee Herman's Word of the day?!) rears its head again and it motivates people to grow and overcome.

Your degree and profession are evidence that you are more than a mom and you are not done cooking yet.  I feel my loss as it is very similar to yours every day but at least I am feeling a bit better and have a plan for my growth and future.  You can do it too.  It just takes baby steps,  And when you fall or go backwards, we are here to cushion the blow, my dear.

Becoming a mom made me feel selfless and I did not mind a bit because it felt so natural to my care taking/ codependent personality.  So now I must try to go from selfless to selfish in order to grow past this pain.  Instead of selfish, let's call it self LOVE?

hugs to you! <3

[lancaster lady]

hi Sassy and Welcome ..

I'm glad you found us but sorry you had to ....

We try to encourage ladies to return to looking after themselves rather than a family and learn once
again to indulge !
You may never know why it all happened , best not to try and fathom it all out .
Life is beginning once again for you , so grab it with both hands , not easy but it gets better .
Log in here whenever , we are always lurking ....lol
And treat yourself ....DAILY ....

[Pooh]

Welcome Sassy and I echo what the others said.  Baby steps, one foot in front of the other and remembering daily that our AC do not define us as individuals.  If you haven't, please take a moment to read the two posts under "Open me first".  It's the history, the rules, etc. to see if you think it's a good fit.  We ask all new members to read them, nothing wrong with anything you wrote.

Footloose, I was cackling at those responses and even worse giggles at the reasons about your legs!  Sassy, I should have also added that remembering your sense of humor is very important.  I think laughter is truly the best medicine and remembering the fun, enjoyable things in our lives.

[luise.volta]

Welcome home, S! We may all appear strong and able but we all still take tumbles now and then. New members keep coming and we listen and understand an nurture. Healing happens...a lot. Our strength is here, in our 'family of choice.'
One day at a time, dear one. Sending love...

[oliveb]

Hi Sassy, I am new here too. It is comforting to know I am not the only one where the AC dont speak to their mothers but also sad. Footloose, like you mothering suited my codependent personality so well, I loved being a mum, until my children became teenagers. Then I didn't know what to do, so I bought them what they wanted and did what they wanted, said yes to all their demands. I know now that was not the way to win my children's love. When I buried my son, I really buried 4 children as we have not spoken before or since he died, including my 10 grandchildren. I never imagined my life to turn out this way. I find it hard when my friends talk about what their children do for them, the presents they get for mothers day etc. A couple of these friends were to me very hard on their children, gave them very little and yet I know their children love them. My Lawyer asked who I wanted to be my power of Attorney for my will, I said I do not have anyone. Even if my children decided to contact me, I could never trust them again, I would wonder what they were after. I have put a lot into myself this year, spending on myself as I am not spending it on my children. I go to the gym, have massages and now that I have lost weight I am having a arm tuck in July. I am proud of what I have achieved, I am grateful for the things I have, my students for income, a lovely home which I love, a warm bed, I am able to pay the mortgage on my home which I have when I gave my daughter money for her to have a home. So now all I can say is, I did my best with what I had at the time. Poo, I agree, we must keep our sense of humor.

[luise.volta]

And our best was pretty awesome! :-)))) No rewriting of history can change that! Sending love...

[oliveb]

thanks Luise

[Keys Girl]

Welcome Sassy and Oliveb, I arrived here a few years ago in a state of shock and disbelief, and I know that I wouldn't be as far along on the path to happiness without the wise women here and I know you'll find a lot of support here.

KG

[luise.volta]

To Ritinha: I moved your post from this thread to your ownand called it "I'm New Here"...so you could get acquainted. Sending love...

[tired]

keys girl,
I've never heard that once a scapegoat is decided it is pretty impossible to change ...but HOW TRUE. Ive been the scape goat and have attempted to change this and it will never happen. I have my own motto. The only way to win is to NOT participate. this tends to make people angry when you walk away from the drama they want to stir up. I know in my heart i have been the very best person i can be. i do have faults but no better or worse than anyone elses. i refuse to the let the abuse continue but....it still hurts when your family turns on you.

[Footloose]

Their complete rejection proves that we did our job so very well that they got EVERYTHING they NEEDED and no longer have time to even send a thought our way.

Are we good or what?

SuperMoms Unite!

[luise.volta]

From one scapegoat to another...we can all learn not to play. If our half of the game is dropped, there is no game. Yes, it can be disappointing and lonely...but/and we can create new, non-realted families and extended families (even WWU qualifies.) We have the power to do that. My family of origin is now gone. They will never know that I turned out OK but I do. Sending love...