adult children dont speak to me

[constantmargaret]

LL, my 26 year old DD lived here for over a year and just recently moved out. It was rough having her here, because she acted like she was still a teenager too.


I'm glad to have my house back to myself, and since she moved out, she has barely spoken 2 words to me, excluding the time she needed a dress hemmed. I expected that she would not thank me for giving her free room and board for over a year. It's the first time one of my kids has lived up to my expectations.

Just let one of them try to get back in the front door. I'm thinking about getting a scary loud barking junk yard dog.

I'm starting to see my kids who ignore me as the empty half of the glass. I would rather focus on the other half.

Cheers!

[luise.volta]

You guys know my story...when my kids moved out they were told it was a one-way ticket into maturity and they couldn't come back again. I was given the same treatment and it taught me to solve my own problems...and when my grandchildren arrived, they were given the same deal. Now, my great granddaughter is in college and it applies to her. For us is works and has helped build mutual respect.

[oliveb]

I was crazy. What ever they wanted they got. I could never say no. Now they dont want to know me

[luise.volta]

One of my sons turned out like that and the other one is our ever-lovin' Webmaster. Go figure!

[Beth 2011]

Sometimes, I just wonder if they think we will always be around to help pick them up as we have in the past???  Cutting all communication and waiting can be hard but is has been very peaceful and drama free except for the few bumps in the road when mutual friends or acquaintances that we run into ask about DS or DS and his family.  It has been over 2 months since DH made last and final attempt at communication with DS.  Heard it through the grapevine that he always has the GC with him minus DIL where ever he goes and he does all the shopping now too.  It seems that DIL is seen quite a bit shopping and not for groceries minus DH and GC.  Now all that said,  it is just so funny that we never run into any of them at the stores.      I told my DH are we really that scary???     You have to smile and keep going and that is what I do everyday. 

[luise.volta]

Hang in there...you're doing great in the middle of something that is the opposite of great. Sending love...

[oliveb]

 :)I am interested to know what other mothers say to people when asked about their AC I dont want to tell new people that my 3 children do not talk to me, I have said I dont have any children that puts and end to the questions, so I would like to hear what others say.

[luise.volta]

I always described Dwight and his profession and family...no one ever asked if he liked me or if we spoke to each other.

[Beth 2011]

oliveb, if people are being polite in making conversation, I am just polite right back with a simple, fine, or wonderful.  Nice one word answers usually say volumes and then I move on to something else. 

[Doe]

It seems to me when people ask, they are just keeping the conversation going, good cheer and all that.  They don't expect the whole story, necessarily.  Sometimes, I've gotten into detail with someone I thought was interested and found out it was way too much information.  On the other hand, I spoke with one of my DIL's peers the other day and when she asked, I told her a little of what was going on.  "I'm not surprised, she's a total nutjob" is the answer that I was surprised to get.   Some understanding!  In fact, she wanted to unload on DIL, more than I wanted to hear.  She is family after all - I was surprised to feel that way.

Funny, I've been craving some understanding and when I got it, it brought it all back to life.  I had to work at it a little to tamp it down again.  I don't think I want to get into the story much anymore with people who know her.

[firelight]

I sort of went through the same thing, Doe.  One of my DD's friends who mentioned something to me said something surprising and it only rubs salt in the wound.  Even though our relationship isn't what it once was, it still hurts to hear someone else say something negative.  It's the momma thing.  I didn't respond negatively but rather briefly and politely and just went in to another topic ever so casually. 

Some clever WW here posted very recently that she tells people who inquire that her children are in the witness protection program and she has no idea where they are....and they're so glad they put that criminal away!  LOL  I loved that.  Gave me a chuckle.   

[luise.volta]

Good for you, D, for not going there. Sending love...

[Pooh]

I'm going with, "I don't know.  Everything was fine until we went on Jerry Springer and I flashed my boobies.  I think that embarrassed them."  Shrug.....

[luise.volta]

Oh, Pooh...you're such a hoot! I honestly think most people just ask about my kids to be polite when what they really want to talk about their own. Something like "I have two grown sons, two grandsons and a great granddaughter" is enough of an opening so they can tell you how much better they have done in the propagation department. LOL!

[Pooh]

I think you're right.  I think most ask out of politeness because my close friends, already know.

I just figure at this point, it's all my fault, for the non-relationship and people are going to believe what they choose to believe so if I'm taking the blame, I'm going to make sure that it's a good story to tell.  People that really know me and care about me, either already know we don't speak, or wouldn't believe anything that is being told by them.  If they are just being polite, it will either clue them in that I don't want to talk about it, leave them speechless or if they are just looking to gossip, give them something to talk about.