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new Daughter inlaw took no family pics

Started by Reba, August 02, 2012, 10:19:54 AM

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Grammie

Sorry Pooh, thanks for setting the record straight!  I guess I'm fortunate because I got a CD with all of the pictures. However now I feel like shredding it! 
Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.   
~ Denis Waitley ~

DivaGirlDIL

Quote from: jdtm on August 03, 2012, 06:03:56 AM
QuoteI would blame son not DIL.

Not me.  I blame both of them - the DIL for creating a "small but exclusive family" (choosing and omitting similarly to elementary school cliques) and the son for being a "jerk".  We've lived this - if it is any consolation Reba, the marriage will probably end or be dysfunctional.  My advice - be cordial and kind and a bit aloof and pretend that everything is just O.K.  Your son and DIL will sense if you are upset and "pounce" on that emotion.  So sorry ....

The problem here is why was their no pictures.  Did she tell him no.  Or did she just leave it up to him to do it and like a typical male he did nothing.  Even if she says no he could have stood up to her.  My dh would never let me get away with this.  So if she did say no I would say he might have some issue that he needs to work out.  What bother me is she is putting the blame on the woman the title says it all.  I never got a family pic with my parents sister and I all together.  Long story but it was my parents fault.  Bothers me a little but I have mostly gotten over it.

lancaster lady

I was told I should have asked for photos !!
Mother of the groom ......lol
None of my collective family , 3000 photos taken , go figure !

luise.volta

We can move beyond "why?" We can let go of trying to make sense of the senseless. We can pass on blame. Those are all options. Where I got stuck was I stayed a long time in knowing my expectations were reasonable, in seeing the unjustice and in wallowing in self-pity. (I didn't see it as that, I saw it as being right and needing to "fix" it.) What I finally got was that I was a whole person before ODS dubbed me "The Wicked Witch of the West" and I realized I could be whole again by moving on without rancor. And yes, YDS, is still an important and integral part of my life. (He's our Webmaster!)  :D That was his choice. They both got to choose. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

NewMama

I have multiple family photos of my FOO from our wedding. There's two of DH's. I took me months to cajole him into letting the photographer take any photos with his parents and if I let him have his way there would've been none. And he doesn't like either photo. I don't think a lot of men even think about photos without prompting from their soon-to-be wives, and in my case even though he's close to his parents, he still said no initially.

I think your son's reaction indicates he probably had a part in the no photos decision and the fact that he holds your GC over you is a bad sign. You shouldn't be a doormat for these people! Stepping back from them is difficult, but needed for your own well being.

Paca

When I first started reading about the wedding photos I was thinking about someone that I knew that kept referring to everything involved as HER wedding, HER day, and her mother was exactly the same. I did at one point say to her, you do realize that you are getting married to someone that you hopefully love and it's your wedding together, and your day together, and he also has a family that wants to share in that.

But then I hit this part, "When I called my son to ask why didn't he have our side of the fams pics he replied he has a new family now". That's so sad to me, and also how my son feels. I thought families were meant to grow and add to and enrich lives, not be traded off one for another.

A family is in your heart, it's not a birthright. It can be as big or small as you want, can be related or not. It's only defined by you. I've always thought of family that way, and raised my son to feel the same way. Unfortunately he feels like you described. It's easy for me to sit and type words of how I think about family, it's a whole nuther thing applying that and even me applying it to myself and mending the hole in my heart.  It sure hurts when your love is spit on and all you gave is like it never existed. I think I'm beginning to believe the stork drops a baby under a cabbage leaf story.

You need to redefine your family just as he has, I need to do the same. We have a whole picture in our heart of love and life going forward, then a monkey wrench is thrown in. It's not easy to love like a mother does and have it stomped on, and only a mother would understand the pain. I know I'm really new here, but like me you sought others to connect with for you to help yourself. Like I read in replies to me, that's a step to heal and we will.

Reba

thanks Paca I have redefined my family now minus one son.  It is really hard for me because we work together so when I am at work he ignores me.   He once told me that when he was having relationship problems with girl friend, now DIL that I was to blame for it.   Here is the story: DS lived across street from me at one time and I saw new girl leave apt with wet hair at 5 in the morning.  The Dil now asked me the next day if I saw so and so leave and I said yes.  I do not lie.  My son and DIL say that it was intially my fault they broke up the first time and made them fell bad about each other.  Never mind that DS cheated!  No responsibility for his actions it was all me.  I told DS and MIL I do not have such super powers but now I wish I did.   This is where it gets good.  I continued to talk with DS and one day he called me and said that he wanted me to co sign for a car>  I said NO and that is when he said I was no longer his mother.  It has been one ride I will tell you especially in April of 2010 when my GS was born{before they married} and he only weighed 2 pounds.  We were allowed to see him at hospital but now that he is one year old we have seen him only a couple of times because DIl says she doesn't trust me with her son.  MIL sees and takes him ever where!  I finally told my DH that we are done,  I will miss my 1st GC but I never got to bond with him any way.  Sorry I got into my story but I felt you were in my shoes.  Thanks again:}
Peace and Love R