Author Topic: Another 360 degree turn  (Read 5142 times)

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Doe

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Re: Another 360 degree turn
« Reply #30 on: June 25, 2012, 07:54:42 AM »

"..I'm going to let them find their path, I've got to take care of me , Dh , other 2 gs and family so I can't ruin my health with all the issues. "

Great idea!  By the way, my DH is not at all comfortable hugging people he isn't related to, especially men.

Offline Pen

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Re: Another 360 degree turn
« Reply #31 on: June 25, 2012, 08:07:07 AM »
AL, be grateful your SIL isn't preventing contact between you and DD/GC. It could be way worse. He sounds like a difficult guy to deal w/ but fortunately you don't have to very often.

That's how I now view my DIL - as long as I can communicate/see DS every now & again, I'm happy. If she's there, fine. If not, fine. If she's present but not communicative, no big deal. I refuse to buy into her sulking & manipulating anymore - I was giving too much power to her. Time w/DS is precious to me & I'm not going to ruin it worrying about DIL's mood; that's DS's job. If she has a real concern about me and voices it in an adult manner, I will honor it, but her silent treatment/standoffish behavior doesn't affect me anymore. And I no longer accept rudeness, either. So there!

It used to make me sad, thinking about what could have been. I'm kinda over it, moving on, getting healthy.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline artlady

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Re: Another 360 degree turn
« Reply #32 on: June 25, 2012, 08:19:49 AM »
Pen, I can do that and I have been as I go to visit for day visits when he is at work but sometimes he comes home for lunch. I was just up for overnight and I will go this Sat to babysit and spend the night. I can handle the non communicating better than DH, it drives him up the wall. DH is outgoing , loves everyone and enjoys guests in our home . So very hard for him. I do better I think if maybe in the future he does as he has been ,DD comes alone but with baby so far that has happened. Counselor said if he isn't talking don't talk to him, if he opens up and talks talk to him but don't' try to get him to talk more or he'll back up. Just follow his lead.

Offline artlady

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Re: Another 360 degree turn
« Reply #33 on: June 25, 2012, 08:44:15 AM »
Pen just to clarify he has never shut me out , no problem talking to me it is to others he won't carry on a conversation when he is around them.

Offline artlady

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Re: Another 360 degree turn
« Reply #34 on: June 25, 2012, 08:45:42 AM »
oops Pen now there have been occassions he doesn't talk to me either but those are times you can tell he is p----- off about something , or whatever, I just ignore it but it still hurts like the dickens.

Offline artlady

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Re: Another 360 degree turn
« Reply #35 on: June 26, 2012, 11:42:23 AM »
Clarifications
Begonia- I did tell her it was between she and DH. WE all talked DD, DH and me as usual, he didn't talk and there has not been a personality clash .
Pam- He showed his temper , mad at the wedding to all
TMB- Yep the red flags worry me and you have it , isolation is the main word along with control
Pooh_ I'm focusing on Gs, cherish those times, keeping a little protection around my heart though, just wish for respect from Sile , ( although he is nice to me on a one on one ) , can accept the way it is with respect not rudeness.
NM- You got my number , like your mom, always been a worrier , fixer and make others happy at the expense of my own. Something happend prior to mascot/ bridesmaids dancing we don't 'know and may never know .WE paid for it all even some of his parents expenses for rehearsal not to count they got the place for free due to DH's connection with golf course. SIL's parents have yet to thank us , nor did SIL. They were very involved and alllowed to do however they wanted for the wedding , no problem , it meant less for me to do to have them do it . ( I just wrote the check , not cheap). now we know he is a life long grudge holder and our fear is we might be on the list , we don't want to be .Hospital we only stay about 20 minutes for 3 visits spread over 2 days, most of our time was spent in the motel are finding an eating place or going to the mall. His rudeness and words kept us at bay, I truly dont' think he wanted us there at all , was shocked to see us as dd called when he was out of the room with gs getting a little tlc ,she was alone for 4 hours after birth , she wanted us , kept calling to see how far how far we were ( 70 miles away). He made mention to her comment in front of me , as she checked numbers for day and night calls , that he hadn't read that gps are called and that was up for discussion ( i knew then no call ). I think he was mad we were there . Didn't want to have to call his parents either i guess. So his harsh words , and DD tried to make light of them , by a nice comment to soothe it , we felt very uncomfortable . So hopefully I've covered all the posts back . As I'm just picking myself up , dusting off and getting ready to go forward again . I was doing good until they came last Saturday, now I"m slowly getting up again from that ordeal.