May 29, 2020, 12:07:30 pm


"Welcome to -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

Another Milestone In Sight

Started by Keys Girl, May 21, 2012, 08:38:40 pm

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.


Thinking of you you Keys Girl & sending love & hugs.


Thinking of you Keys Girl & sending love & hugs.


I'm sorry for your loss KeysGirl.  I think you're doing the right thing, life is for the living, so take good care of yourself.

What do you think you'll do to honour her memory?

Keys Girl

Thanks, Scoop, I've received word from other people in the family that the distance is too much and everyone is getting older so has health issues.  The good news is that she will now be cremated and buried later on, which will cut down on costs dramatically.

I have thought of having a tree planted in her memory, but it's always a good idea to wait when you are going through a stressful process to make any kind of a decision unless it involves buying a candy bar.  You can think clearly later on when there is a bit of distance between the event and the strong emotions, so I'll let a few months go by and think about it then.
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Keys Girl

I've been having a bit of a tough time and I guess it's part of the grieving process because my mother died.

What's bothering me is that in spite of so many people, including the WW here who have expressed their condolences, 3 of my closest friends haven't even  offered me a word of anything.

Two of these people are people that I've going to a lot of trouble to assist during tough times that they went through so it's very disappointing to realize that even the common courtesy of acknowledging the death of my mother isn't something they are going to offer me.

I'm not going to mention it or talk to them about it because I know that my emotions are pretty strong but it was unexpected, especially that when both parents of one of my friends died, I was the one who was driving hours and hours to go to funerals and memorial services to comfort them.

Thank you for giving me a chance to mention this, I keep telling myself that I should focus on the people who were considerate and kind as opposed to the 4 people who for whatever reason didn't see fit to even drop me a line on Facebook but I expect these people will be back asking for something before too long.

I'm going to put this behind me tomorrow and not think about it again, but it's an incredible comfort to know that my WWU sisters are out there somewhere, sending me good vibes.  I think that was the last thing I thought of when I put my head on the pillow in the first night or two after my mother's death.

"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Beth 2011

So sorry Keys Girl to hear about your Mother's passing.  Sending you peace. 


KG - It seems to me that what is "returned to us" often comes from some place else. Friends let us down and then we find unconditional love on the Web. That doesn't make any sense in the logical world. In the world of the heart, however, it does. I send you my love...we all do. Our understanding comes with it...sisters, all.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Keys Girl

Thank you Beth, and of course, Luise, you are absolutely right. 

Thank you so much for you and my WWU sisters, you've made such a huge difference in my life.

Love, KG
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown


My thoughts are with you too, Keys Girl.  I truly am sorry for your loss.  My mom has a mental illness and not in good health and my dad is still with the world too.  I know that regardless of the relationship or trying to come to any reasoning regarding the why's (I don't even try anymore), I will feel oddly orphaned when those days come for me. 

That blood pressure issue is nothing to fool with so I am glad you continue to self-preserve.  I will hold hope for you and DS that things improve some day in spite of this.  (as I do for all of us).  Stress and resentment is really hard on a body so I'm glad you have chosen otherwise.

Since I work in long term care, I remembered an elderly woman from years ago.  I was honored to awaken her on her 100th birthday morning by singing close to her ear with tears in my eyes "Happy Birthday".  She gently awoke to that with a huge smile on her face.  I asked her what was the secret to longevity later in the day and she said, "I was always a happy person, no matter what."  I'll never forget her.  She wore big red glasses that really didn't help her see as she was nearly blind, but she thought they were cool.  I thought she was cool!  8)

I am sending you the warmest of thoughts and condolences, and may you be blessed with shining moments of happiness that's good for your heart during this new phase in your life.  Your WW family is with you in heart as we go through life together.

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~


KG - Your thoughtful way of honoring your mother while taking care of youself is good to hear.  I am sorry you have lived with this loss in this life a long time. Death punctuates differently, even when we have been estranged for years.  I do not think some people understand one can be estranged for many years and that death when it comes is still a loss process, a grieving.  Your disappointing friends may be like that. I felt the way you do about my closest friend when my ex husband died - she didn't understand at all what I felt and never expressed anything, didn't pick up on what I was feeling at all. I was terribly hurt by her lack of empathy and compassion.

BTW - an unexpected thing happened after my ex's death though I didn't notice it for a few years.  In time though, I found the thought of him brought a little smile to my face and I could sometimes feel him whispering something to me which would help me - echoes no doubt of when our love was strong and before it became twisted.  He was a sweet man who became lost in alcohol and other women, yet when I divorced him, he gave me a present. It was (is) a triangular piece of crystal with a teardrop suspended in it.  The note said - "nothing will ever touch my love for you".  It reminds me love gone wrong started out as love going right. I hope for that kind of peace for your heart.


How beautiful, E. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Keys Girl

Thank you so much, Firelight, Elise and Luise, there is some special insight and compassion in these posts.

"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown


KG, my F, who was for the most part just a shadowey figure in my life, due to his alcoholism and abuse, died on the operating table, at about my age now.  I understand the confusing way this feels, and how the grief process is a different animal.  It took me about a year to really get through that, so be patient with yourself, and let time heal the wound. 

lancaster lady

Keys ,

Some people find it very hard to deal with loss , perhaps your friends are not sure of saying the right thing .
Also some fear the reaction after offering condolences and become embarrassed .
I myself become upset when seeing a close friend distressed .
I'm sorry they are not there to support you in your hour of need .
Take Care , sending hugs .....


LL - Thought provoking. Thanks. When my son died in 2000, some people who cared about me and were aware of it, just started tallking to me about something else the first time we met. It was like mentioning it was taboo. I even said, "Did you know Dwight died?" a few times and got the answer."Yes." Then they returned to the subject at hand. I think you may be right on. Even, 12 years later, that helps.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama