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She's Just Not That Into You....

Started by lovelymimi, May 04, 2012, 07:25:59 PM

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Pooh

Go Footloose!  Ha ha ha...I'm still laughing about the burnt pinky on toast!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pen

IMO, every generation thinks those that follow are going to you-know-where in a handcart. I imagine my DGM must have wondered what was up w/that awful Elvis & her parents before her must have been shocked when she bobbed her hair & started wearing short, flapper-style dresses. Talk about the "me" generation, lol! When she was a teen very few people in her area had electricity or automobiles; by the time she died a man had landed on the moon.

I work w/teens, have for years, and although the technology is changing (like it is for all of us) most of them have the same struggles, fears, & insecurities we all had. We don't hear much about those who volunteer, go into low-paying but fulfilling professions such as teaching or social work, donate time/money to worthy causes, join the military, etc. They do exist; I know quite a few of them.

Many decades/generations ago I went to high school w/the children of celebrities, business moguls, etc. Some were jerks, some were kind and compassionate. When we moved to a more middle-class community I went to school with, it seemed, the same jerks and nice kids. Same percentage, different demographic, several generations removed from this current one.

Speaking of narcissists, no one outdoes my DF (& the DFs of a few of my dear old BFFs) who all hail from "the greatest generation."

IMO we simply cannot fall into the trap of generalizing about "kids these days" or any other group. To do so creates black & white thinking that is used by politicians & others to create anger & distrust against "those people" (whomever they may be.)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

pam1

Well put, Pen.

I think this is a good reminder for all of us here too.  When we say stuff like "MILs today" or "DILs today" it can be divisive on WWU too just like it is in real life.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Lillycache

Quote from: Scoop on May 15, 2012, 07:27:05 AM
Footloose, what do you think people said about phones, back when they were invented?  "Whatever happened to popping over to someone's house to chat FACE TO FACE?"  To me, it's the same cycle over and over again.

For me, I love FB. It keeps me connected to my friends and family, in terms of their day to day life.   I love seeing what my niece posts, even though I don't comment on her wall very often.  I know that if I were to post 'too much', she would block me and then I wouldn't see anything.  And I'm okay with that.  Even the friends I have that are more acquaintances, I like keeping a link to them open.

And it's true, I would NOT be FB friends with my MIL.  We just don't have that kind of relationship.  It's true, I'm just not that into her.

When I was a kid in the 50's my parents bought a house in a brand new neighborhood on the very edge of the City.  All the houses were new.  I remember all my summer days hearing the sound of hammering and construction as more and more new houses were going up.   Most of the people buying those houses were the members of the "Greatest" generation.  The WWII boys and their wives.   Us kids (oh and there were a lot of us in that neighborhood) well... WE were and are the Boomers.  But I'm off on a tangent..  lol!!!  (I do that more and more in my old age)... anyway, what I was going to say was that my parents had absolutely scads of friends.. All young couples with kids.  They all met each other by going to the local tavern.. which in those days was more like a club house or meeting place.  OR they met in Church.  So these young couples would then visit each other at their homes.  My mom would make a phone call to see what Millie and Joe were doing and if they would like to come over to play cards.   Or Peggy and Woodie would call my parents to invite them.  Us kids would tag along and get to stay up late...and listen to them sing.. after the cards and a few drinks.. lol!!   When they got to Indian Love call by Jeanette McDonald and Nelson Eddie... well, we knew it was soon time to go home..  Ahhh... fond memories of people actually interacting face to face..   People just don't visit any more..

artlady

LILLYcache so well said and my sentiments exactly, this new ME generation is missing so much by no fault of their own it is the culture they live in now. Visiting, letter writing, long phone chats are all part of the past. It is so sad as I saw my parents generation ( WW ll) being so very different even from my own generation and there will never be another one that good. I just wish everyone had time to slow down and really enjoy life instead of this fast track we all live on now . As reports on the news and other places so many churches will be closing in not so far away years as the young couples don't go to church and the old ones are dying off.

Pen

Not everyone in every generation is exactly the same. I'm old, and I no longer write long letters either. I prefer to text or email, actually. Haven't bought a stamp in years! I'm a pretty good writer, but I panic when all I have is someone's home address & I need to contact them.

I think letter-writing on proper paper will eventually make a comeback (you know, the retro thing, lol.) It's already happening amongst artsy young hipsters who appreciate the craft. There are a ton of sites selling beautiful, handcrafted, artistic writing papers. When young parents see the delight on their kids faces when they get a letter or card in the mail, they may embrace the old, slow way of communicating. It will become  special, I think.

Point being, we shouldn't generalize about this or that generation...it's far more productive to pay attention to our own behavior. Some of those generalizations are used to manipulate us into black/white thinking instead of taking a broader, more tolerant view, IMO.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Lillycache

I can only go by my parents and their friends.  In the 50's, no internet or cell phones..  Heck.. very few even had TV's in the early 50's  They visited.   They played cards.  and since not many in the group even had a car they walked to each others homes.  My dad didn't get a car until I was 12 years old.. we took the bus if we wanted to visit anyone far away.  Fond memories though.  It was a much simpler time.   

I'm in my 60's.  I'm pretty savvy internet wise and I prefer to e-mail  ( I don't text though)  I drive and don't walk anywere very much.  times have changed

elsieshaye

My 62-year old boyfriend texts like a 15 year old girl, and taught me to text (I'm 42).  I don't own a car, and he has never not owned a car.  I agree with Pen that generalizations are not productive, regardless of what they're about.  It may temporarily help a person detach from feeling hurt, but it inherently makes the person or group being generalized "less than."  They stop being people and individuals with worth, and become lumped into a faceless, inhuman group.  Ditto for living in the past and looking at it as though it was somehow better than now.  What we have to work with is what's happening right now, with individuals, and all we really -can- work with is our own actions and beliefs.  Not theirs, especially not if we stop looking at them as people.
This too shall pass.  All is well.

artlady

I understand about the generalizations , I also don't mail letters anymore except i do send birthday, Christmas etc still vs internet . Growing up in the south things have always been a slower pace and now it is all on the fast track. I think having fond memories of the past is fine , accepting the changes in today as in the book " Who Moved My Cheese" , change is going to happen no matter what it is, how and what you chose to do with it . Being an educator I'm use to all kinds of groups, reaching all the different levels and meeting the goals of all I teach , so I know each and everyone is different just like the snowflakes , that i how I see each one of my students. So I understand about generalizations and I also have attended lots of workshops on  theories , studies and research that we are constantly studying so that we understand all of the students we teach in order to reach them . Not meaning to step on toes

Footloose

Doingmybest, Facebook, YIKES!  The most sophisticated way to be excluded and ignored and a true sign of these times.  Electronic voyeurism!  Yes, I have fired FB for the 4th time at least! (on a 12 step program as we chat)  mmmmm"let's see what the kids r up to..." only to find more detail on my exclusion from the day to day stuff.  How bout all those self portraits w/ the iPhone.  Where the heck do ya think they call everything "i" something?  (innovation is not part of the acronym) Should be called "me" phone, "me" pad, "me" everything.  U, oh u r not special,  ONLY ME! I must share every insipid detail about my day! I am just that important and I know all my 9999 "friends" must know that I burnt my pinky on that elusive slice of toast, stuck in my toaster. As if anyone REALLY cares?!  I found out my GS1 lost his first tooth via FB.  God forbid a direct convo!  Nope FB is another tool for check the box.  MD card mailed, check, obligatory "how ya doing" phone call, check, obligatory answer, "fine and you" check...Small talk of the smallest form!  My DIL lists all "family" (FOO ONLY) but not the groom's family, not me either! Just so hard to speak over the phone!  Cannot check the box that way.  May mean some direct interaction and accountability?  "so much easier to text" is the excuse.  REALLY?!  Talking is just about as challenging as breathing!  It's those dang convos that make me uncomfy cuz maybe someone will ask me to spend a sec on something for someone else.  Gosh, i might feel something?!
-----
Yikes, did I hijack this blog or what?!  Sorry, not my intent.  Please understand that I am not bashing current technology!  i just hate the self love shown on dang Facebook.  Only MY opinion.  I do not look into history anything other than avoiding the repetition of past mistakes and to understand human and American growth/ development.  I am NOT one to dwell on the "good ol days"  There are 3 time orientations baked into personality types, past,  present and future.  There is nothing wrong with any of these.  it takes all to make our human world work best.  i happen to be, u guessed it, set in the FUTURE.

I am a Project Manager by trade and an inventor and craftsman by hobby so i LOVE technology and look forward o the future.  technology that replaces humanity is my issue and the point I was attempting to make here! 

So now I return you to the originally scheduled program, " She's just not in to YOU!

artlady

good point and well stated thanks

herbalescapes

I miss those good old days.  Remember when  marriages were forever (even if abusive)? When girls were girls and boys were boys and acting outside the accepted gender roles could result in complete ostracization?  When racial divides were deep and unbridgeable?  When cancer was a 100% death sentence?  When we fought the Nazis and, hmmmm, were the Nazis?  When having a mental illness was a source of deep shame?  When having a child with a mental disability was a source of deep shame?  When victims of rape knew it was their fault because of how they dressed or acted?  When if your teenaged daughter got pregnant it was socially acceptable to throw her out on the streets?  When drunk driving was legal?  When bullying was a rite of passage?  Yep, miss those good old days.

justanoldgrandma

True, Herbal, there was a lot of prejudice in the olden days.  All the things you mentioned.  Notice though how much these OLD hatreds and standards are trying to resurface in a lot of politicians' speeches?!  i feel like it's back in the 50's or worse (when these things didn't affect me bc I was a baby.....!

It's hard for me to realize so many people still harbor these homophobic, anti-poor and anti-mentally ill feelings, "if you had a positive attitude you wouldn't be sick" anthems, only the well-off should get med. care, no family planning, no equal pay for women..... and some of these issues some politicians are trying to legislate!  (not going to go into politics here; just some of the speeches are frightening!)

In a way, i feel we are worse off than in the olden days when there were some values, although there were struggles for women's and civil rights; i thought we had conquered these issues....guess not....

I want it all: old-fashioned courtesy but tolerance and rights for all....


forever spring

Anybody wants my twopence worth? I think we are only at the beginning of a long progress towards true humanity. And it often seems we are going two steps forward, one step back. It needs much more time to eliminate all the ills of people living together, and sometimes it feels as if we will never improve as a species. When we look back at history the mistakes we make have been made over and over again by other cultures.
Look at German history, how the country tried to recover from 12 years of madness and made an attempt to exonerate herself as a true democracy (with the help of the big friend USA in the case of West Germany). This was in my view only possible because of past efforts by German artists, philosophers and writers who had created a sound basis for the Humanism  which people could adopt again. (Those books were burnt by the Nazis in 1938). It shows how humanistic thoughts and belief in a higher power does prevail. Nowadays the united Germany is not perfect by all means but it's trying hard and has enough well educated young people who may make the difference in the future.
So what I'm actually saying is that in the face of adversity we need to keep up hope in the future and celebrate the small steps forward and not get hung up on those in the wrong direction. The world will never be perfect and whole but if it's alright for most people, we can rejoice. Neither we nor our children, maybe not even out GC will experience this. We have made such immense process in technology, the human progress is sadly lagging behind.
I don't like FB either and left it a few months ago, I thought I might miss it, but haven't. Now I know that people want to contact me personally and it works well. I haven't lost anybody by not being on FB any more.
Whoops, long message.

She's just not that into you is so true. We have chemistry with some people and not with others. It becomes tragic in a way if the chemistry with our 'nearest and dearest' doesn't work and what do we do then? Well, I suppose if there was a hard and fast answer to this, WWU wouldn't have to be here. Glad it is though.  :)

pam1

Lots of good discussion, but I think it can be wrapped up about now.

I do want to ask the board to please stay away from the generalizations, both Pen and Elsie explained it so well that I don't think I need to get into it again. 
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift