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any advice?

Started by dilstress, April 17, 2012, 09:00:19 am

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FAFE

My children can expect a paid for house and 2 paid for vehicles.  Anything over that will be gravy for them.  Not that I don't love them all, but I am going to spend as much as I can and do the things I enjoy.  But, one thing I have learned is that I will include my DIL & SIL in our wills if they are still married to my children.  Also, hope to leave the gc some college funds. 

artlady

Sounds like a plan, we do hope to leave things but at the same time be able to enjoy some retirement while we are able but want to enjoy these little ones while they are young . WE really want to get a RV and do lots of must site seeing in the USA but not so sure anymore with the gas like it is . I'm not so sure this generation will be leaving big inheritances like in the past as stock , investments and cost of living are so very differnet is is down right scary for some .

justanoldgrandma

When dh and I made out our will about 5 years ago (long overdue) we designated everything to our dss at our deaths.....my sibling asked, "That means you are leaving out your dil!"  We said, no, our ds can share whatever inheritance there is w her.....(I was surprised my her comment bc I'm not sure if their daughter's husband was included in their will......)

DH and I had no reason to not include the dil or to-be gc in the will; just figured dss would inherit and then share w their wives and children as that's the way we were accustomed to wills being done....

Well, so glad we didn't include dil in the will bc not after a disastrous marriage, ds and dil are divorced and I would hate to think that she would have inherited anything after costing our son (and us) an incredible amount of heartache and financial setbacks due to her addictions......

She is quite self-centered with little feeling for others, and I have no doubt would have gladly taken the money and run if we had died and she was in the will, even divorced from ds! 

Even though we had no clue that they were having such problems, you never know......of course dss can develop problems but we feel any inheritance can go to them if anything is left!  They can then share w wives and gc;

As for college money, our son makes more than we ever did, and is careful w money, so I have no doubt he'll save for their college; so, so far, we haven't set up a college fund for the gc.......dh and I put ourselves through school and took out loans (so did our dss); sometimes I think young people knowing they have a hefty college fund might discourage them from studying/working as hard as they should; 

Our sons worked hard bc they had to keep the grades up to keep their scholarships and worked bc we couldn't put them through school; they graduated w high honors; I know so many young people given all the money up front and not even graduating......

Any money we might put in a trust for the gc for college will be in our names or dss's names so that the kids can't spend the money for cars, etc.......(I've seen that happen!)  In fact, my dh's foo had a small college fund for our sons and in a way, I wish they hadn't known the money was there; thank goodness they knew it wouldn't put them through college alone; I'd prefer the money being directly sent to the college for tuition after h.s. graduation, etc........I know this all sounds pessimistic, but have seen too much of this happen!

artlady

I agree , that is how my parents wrote their wills by leaving to their children by passing any dil or sil and let their ac decide if they wanted to share or not . So this was to avoid the problem of if there was any divorces etc down the road. Everything had been passed that way for a very long time , things had and have been in the family for a long time and no one wanted it to go elsewhere. Our wills are the same way and hopefully things will be fine .

Lillycache

Quote from: artlady on June 01, 2012, 07:17:27 am
I agree , that is how my parents wrote their wills by leaving to their children by passing any dil or sil and let their ac decide if they wanted to share or not . So this was to avoid the problem of if there was any divorces etc down the road. Everything had been passed that way for a very long time , things had and have been in the family for a long time and no one wanted it to go elsewhere. Our wills are the same way and hopefully things will be fine .


I think it's pretty standard to leave your $$ to your heirs... ie children only.. and not mentioning their spouses.  It's up to your heirs if they want to share or not.  I don't believe that inheritance is considered marital property in case of divorce.  My friend just got divorced and her inheritance from her parents was hers and not split up with the other property.

Here's how my will is made out.  My 2 son's each get 50/50.  If Son #1 (who has no children) dies before me.. Son #2 gets his share.   If Son #2 dies before me (he has kids)  his share is divided up equally between his kids.  DIL is not mentioned except that she will be trustee if the kids are under 18.  Notice I am not leaving anything to the GKs if my son is still alive. My GKs are not my heirs.. they are his heirs.    HE will have to decide what he wants to do with the money.... pay for their college... or will it to them when he dies.  His decision.

Of course things could change down the road.  That's the beauty of Wills.  Codicils.   You can change them anytime you desire.

luise.volta

A Memory comes to mind: I had an uncle who was unmarried. He left his estate to his sister to divide up as she saw fit and she did a beautiful job of it. His, other sister, my mom, had already passed and my sisters and I were given her share. I love things like that. They remind us of who we can be, if we're willing. :-)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

justanoldgrandma

Many years ago gma (gpa was deceased) gave my df equal share of the will w the blessings of her other AC bc my df and dm lived closer than the other AC and my df was like a son to her; helping w her finances, housing arrangements, biweekly visits to make sure she was taken care of.  Gma really appreciated it; and dm would never have been able to do all that w/o my father.

My father was a generous man never expecting anything for his considerations....... he actually split all or most of his modest "inheritance", don't know, between my sibling and me as he didn't need the money and my dh and I were working hard to make ends meet; my father actually said, now you can get yourself a decent stove!

Since none of the gc had been in the will, we were surprised but that's the way my father wanted it to be and like Luise said, it is a good memory that my father and gma had helped us out when we needed it but didn't expect it.

Our dss aren't greedy guys; they tell dh and me to enjoy what we have and not worry about leaving anything to them; (although we are frugal people and aren't trying to spend what we have; and of course, by the time we pass, there may be nothing left anyway!)

I  really like when there is no expectation of inheritance.....my dh and I share our money, no matter where it came from.  But my bil is very money conscious and although he inherited some money, which I think he shares w his wife, resents his wife's spending her own inheritance on things for herself; not a good thing to have on your mind....

Lillycache

I certainly don't intend to scrimp and scrap by in my retirement.  My DH and I will have all we need for our care and existance until the end. My kids will get what is left after we are done with it.  If there is any left after new plans for SS and Medicare in the works in DC.  Scarry!!!

luise.volta

The best I can do is leave no debts...and I'm committed to doing that. (If S.S. and Medicare don't kick me to the curb.)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Lillycache

I'm really concerned about what they are doing to SS... But more concerned about Medicare.  Not sure what to think.  How will we get insurance with all our pre-existing conditions if we have to go to private companies for coverage?

luise.volta

If either one went South, I would be in serious trouble. Our savings are gone. A nursing home costs $75,600 a year!Here's hoping...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

artlady

The outlook of SS and Medicare is very scary, semi retired and 2 years away from SS I'm not a happy camper about the outcome. I might keep this part time job for a long time . Just hope the state doesn't belly up as that will really blow my retirement . Our state is one of the top in retirement plans but nothing is protected from a bad economy.

Elise

Just a point of law:  In Community property states, money left by will to someone is not community property unless it is commingled.  That means as long as the person who receives the inheritance keeps and can PROVE that the money received from the will was always and only in their name thereafter, in divorce the money will without division be awarded to the person who received it from the will.  If however it has ever been commingled ( for instance if heir buys a house and puts it in name of self and spouse) then it is part of community property and will be divided 50/50 in case of divorce unless spouse who did not directly inherit agrees to give it back to only the heir who it was left to. This is rare though does happen sometimes. If even a bank account the money might go into without being spent is in joint name, it is thereafter community property.  A lot of people do not find this out until divorce comes around. Heirs need to be aware of this in advance.  Lawyers often advise only to name our dc in the will to prevent the possibility of this, though it gives no control over what happens when we die.  We are not often in a position to judge the state of our DC's marriages anyway. Uncomfortable yet necessary conversations with our dc must be had in advance so they know this as well with divorce rates what they are - sort of the other end of the prenuptial agreements so common today among those with money to spare or from different economic situations.  Sad and real. Proof means keeping the paperwork showing  "chain of custody" of the money through documentation.  This alone can be a challenge unless very well organized and may last over many decades, which adds to the challenge.