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my 15 month old granddaughter hates me

Started by mary ann garnett, April 16, 2012, 09:23:21 am

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mary ann garnett

April 16, 2012, 09:23:21 am Last Edit: April 17, 2012, 07:55:24 am by Pooh
I have a "step" grandduaghter who seems to hate me or is very afraid of me. Her mom, my step daughter, pushes her at me whenever we see them and she rejects me every time. She looks at me and cries, won't let me near her. I have asked the mom to let come to me when she's ready, when she's comfortable, but every time we see them the baby is pushed at me. Am I doing something wrong? Why does this baby reject me?


Mary Ann, that grandbaby does not hate you.  She probably hardly knows you.  There are time that my 18 month old GD decides she wants her Granddaddy rather than her Fafe.  Maybe have a special stuffed animal or toy for her to play with. (I keep a little basket with some books, mardi gras beads, etc., that she knows is hers.)  When my GD comes over and is a little overwhelmed, I just put her down, let her explore stuff or take her outside  to look for a dog!  She's big on dogs right now.  Of course, even the deer on the back porch is a dog.  Take baby steps and she'll be loving on you like nothing else.  Will keep you in my prayers. 


Welcome - I have removed the first name of your granddaughter from your post. I would also suggest that you create a new user name for yourself that protects your identity. Please also go to the Home Page and read the three posts under Open Me First to be sure WWU is a fit. We ask everyone to do that. You will find directions there regarding the abbreviations we use here if you want to use them. GD is for granddaughter.

I agree that shyness is not hate. And her mother is making it worse. I'd tell her in as nice a way as possible that you are choosing to observe her for as long as that is necessary and that you are looking forward to her wanting to come to you one of these days. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Hi im new here too. I really dont think your GD hates you but i dont think your stepdaughter is helping the matter by pushing the child to you either. My DD (13 months) is quite simlar in that she will not go to anyone if i pass her to them (even people she sees all the time) but she will quite happily run around and play on the floor. I have found that if someone gets on the floor to play with her, not too close at first and gradually moving a little closer once DD is interested she usually warms to them a lot quicker. I have suggested this with a few people and 9 times out of 10 it works, Shes a little wary at first and likes to check i am still near to her but after a few minutes shes fine. Maybe you could explain to your stepdaughter that you would like to try this just to see how things go. Its always worth a try but try not to take it personal, im sure at that age children dont even know what hate is.

Wishing you all the best


DD - How wise: " I'm sure at that age children don't even know what hate is."

Since you are also new, would you do the Home Page thing, too, that I outlined above? Thanks. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


I agree with the other posters - don't take it personally!

Also, when she is pushed at you, don't take her.  Cross you arms, pick up something, move away and start washing dishes.   If your arms are not out to receive her, your step daughter won't let go of her (at least I hope not!)

lancaster lady

hi Mary and Welcome .

How often do you see your step granddaughter ? I think they really need to see you on a regular
basis to build up a relationship , some babies do cling to their Moms when separated .
The more she sees you , the more familiar you'll become .
Be thankful that your step daughter wants you in her life and give it time , playing on the floor
is great fun .


I think it's not anything you're doing (or not doing)! Her mother pushing her at you is just making it worse. Most kids at that age need some time to warm up. My son is 11 months and used to react the same way to one of his grandmas because she would get right in his face and try to pick him up before we could even get in the door. We've finally convinced her to back off and let him adjust to her and now it's a lot better.

mary ann garnett

I understand that "hate" is too strong a word for my grand daughter's reaction, I am just so upset by this situation, although strong dislike is accurate. We have weekly dinners at their home, we spend every holiday and birthdays together (4 grown children + the baby + in-laws, etc, etc.). We are not strangers. I have asked the mother to let her come to me, but was recently told I am weird for not being more aggressive with my relationhip with the baby. I once again did it her way and this last time was the worst reaction yet. I suppose I will have to insist that she back off and let me develop a relationship with the baby on my terms, not hers.

I changed my name and the subject line to be more appropriate.  :)  Thanks to all of you for your insight. I know it will all work out for the best.


I'm so sorry you are up against such a tough situation. It doesn't make any sense to me. Why would a mom do anything that would terrorize her baby? To prove that she is the "only one?"
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

mary ann garnett

I am trying to keep a positive outlook on this situation. but feel that I am being set up. I talked to my husband about it and he understands how I feel (I love that man), and fully supports me. At my age, I don't tolerate relationships that are not positive for all concerned. I may have to withdraw for the time being. Will let you know how it turns out.

All the best to you and your families.


Welcome magnet.  I'm with the others.  It's just shyness and probably her Mother pushing her at you makes her even more cranky about it.  I never grab at a baby or child, I wait for them and it works most of the time.  Since you have voiced your concerns and wishes to Mom and she isn't listening, I think the other suggestion of making yourself busy when it happens is about all you can do.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell