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Not sure what to do with this

Started by Lillycache, May 03, 2012, 04:02:48 PM

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lancaster lady

I find a lot of the women are here because they are afraid to speak out about their treatment from their families . I wasn't getting to see my family anyway , so had.nothing to lose by speaking out. Plus I felt as if.my heart had been ripped out and couldn't live any longer feeling that way . We now have a mutual respect for each other , and yes I do mention things I wouldn' t have before but with respect , which makes the difference I think.  To be quite honest I had to change and adapt when my GD was born . I had to wait to be accepted as a gp , it wasn't the big group hug I thought it would be . To my DS , yes I was his mom , to my dil  I was just another women muscling in on her family . Took a while but after accepting my place. , I am now more acceptable if that makes sense .           

Ruth

It is not short term exposure I really have worried about, but more that if I should die unexpectedly, I wouldn't be able to erase all the things I exposed and I also wouldn't be able to justify the risks I took should one of the DC just inadvertently run across it on my email or something.  Both my d/c can be very touchy and especially DS, who once years ago found out I had given his email address to another mother just as a gesture of kindness, to send him a word of encouragement when he was overseas and having a hard time.  He nearly cut me off entirely for that and was very very harsh to me, and I was so dreadfully afraid and ashamed of what he may have written back to that nice lady.  This is the kind of fear I've lived with.  I just don't want to leave this live with any live grenades lying behind me.

I hope this hasn't hijacked your thread, dear one, but I think it is all still relevant, regarding exposure and consequences.  I tend to lean toward believing you have been given a great gift, in discovering this, I would keep quiet as it could be of benefit to you at some time in the future, there are times we may have to fight fire with fire, and I think DIL was not only naive, but ironically naive.  I wouldn't take it all so personally, as seeing this other side of her helps you understand her personality, that she is operating from a very emotional basis and is probably very prone to embellish, she is probably immature.  This could change in time and evolve into a good relationship with you.  You can now see where her tender spots are and maybe just go a little extra mile now and then there.  I can handle things like this much better than I used to.  I love getting information about myself from others' perspectives as it helps me see myself more honestly and have an opportunity to grow and change that I may not have had otherwise.

Doe I am so happy for the positive changes for you.  I can see it in the way you write.

Lancaster L, I can also see that you've come a long way from your earlier posts.  I really think almost all of us have come a long way, its been a hard road but we had the courage to get out of our foxholes and go out to the front line, that is the only place we can engage the enemy and we are really victorious (sorry to sound cheesy) but it isn't fear that makes a person a coward, but being debilitated by fear.

Doe

Thanks for noticing, Ruth! 

I decided to stop the charade with my son - told him that I was weaning myself off the Internet and to email his dad or call us if he needed to get in touch.   I haven't missed the hope/disappointment cycle that I had every time I signed online.

Beth 2011

jdtm, this is exactly what we believe is starting to happen with our DS and DIL.  We can no longer be blamed for their problems.  DIL again has tried to stir up drama with our family but we have not responded in kind.  Esp. since GC is starting to crawl and get around more.  He will need more attention from both of his DP's minus a set of GP's us.  My DD said he will find out everything with them is not all rainbows and roses.  Lilly, it sounds like your DIL is trying to create drama.  My DIL thrives on drama and the less we give her the more she dislikes us.  We are not being sucked into being scapegoats again.  DS will have to face the music on his own.  Things may change later but you know I am able to go forward with my head held high and get on with living.  It has taken a couple of years to get to this point because you ask yourself why? what did I do? what can I do to fix it?  And there is no answer.  The only one that has the answers is DIL and DS.  Be strong for yourself and FOO. 

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Beth 2011