March 28, 2024, 04:51:23 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


This is JaneF. daughter and her husband arrested charged with sexual assault!

Started by JaneF, April 06, 2012, 12:50:49 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

JaneF


forever spring

Dear Jane, this brought tears to my eyes. You are so strong. I wish I could be there for you - with hands-on help - so to speak.
You are fighting on many fronts now, family tragedy, disappointment in your child and to top it all, an administration which is making it even more difficult for you. The future well-being of your GC - who are so lucky to have your unconditional love -, is at stake and you provide a ray of light for them. You should get all the help possible from every organisation there is.
I'm deeply moved by what you are going through. Stay strong. Sorry this conversation is in cyber space only. I'm humbled by the strength you show in this situation.

JaneF

Forever spring, I really don't have the strength you mentioned, but I am still kicking!  I managed to get the 3 year old gs in for a physical and updates on his shots, and enrolled in a good preschool/daycare this week. He started today.  I know the place, used to work there moons ago, and know his teacher, and trust her totally!  I have the 8 year old home today as he has not felt well since yesterday. Seems to be just exhausted for some reason.  He is asleep again now.  No fever, no other symptoms at this time...could be all the stuff going on this past week perhaps. The ones with the real strength are these children, bless their little hearts. My grandaughter who is almost 13 has been a great help to us, she is such a good girl. She helps bathe and dress and feed the boys sometimes. My husband appreciates this as I am at work when the kids rise and need all these things done!  He is a champ though, and takes it in stride. He just went to take a break and go mushroom hunting. He was joking earlier today when he called from work, and he asked how late can we leave the little one at day care!  lol The doctor noted on his physical paperwork that he is VERY ACTIVE! Understatement.  Again could be due to all the goings on in his short life so far! He is eating a bit better for us after much trial and error. We are used to the oldest one that eats and loves all her vegetables and likes fruits as well.  The boys do not eat as much of those things as I'd like, but I will keep trying! No word from attorney on my filing for guardianship yet. It might take just a few weeks he said...I hope it isn't too long. I was laughing earlier today when I said I was getting plenty of exercise from jumping through all the hoops cps has set out for us! Gotta laugh and keep plugging along. I am thankful it is the weekend for me though. I need to make a trip to the store for a few items, paper towels mainly due to 3 year old and messes. Normal little boy there I suppose. Have a lovely evening ladies. Thanks again for allowing me to vent at times.  J

nikncon

Hi Jane F.I was just thinking of you and your little guys.How are things going??I'm sure it will be fine!!Hugs.

  Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

artlady

Jane F. I know you are running ragged but wow the fun of  those little boys, I bet they really are bringing life into the house in so many ways. Good luck and you are a true hero . Hug  thoss boys. Love to you all

forever spring


shorewil

Jane- I hope that all is going well and that you are able to get some rest. Take care of yourself !

JaneF

Good morning all you wonderful ladies!  Yes, having 3 children is running us ragged, but it well worth it.  I have gotten the 3 year old used to going to daycare/preschool in the am, and he has calmed down some now. (for the most part  ;) anyway). lol  The boys are eating better also, and that makes me happy!  My dear husband has shopped and bought many different kid friendly foods so they will eat.  They like fish!  One adores peanut butter and toast with cereal for breakfast, and he will eat apples for me.  Bed time, and bath time and meal times are getting easier too. I have other news too.  Daughter and her husband were released on a P.R. bond (no money needed at all)!!!  Apparently the "victim" that swore that she was sexually abused they think she lied.  THE EVIDENCE did not show anything the girl said.  So it looks like the charges may be dropped pretty soon.  I am relieved because those were terrible charges hanging over her head.  I know my daughter has many faults, but I am thankful that at least she is is not going to have to go to prison for that awful type of crime.  HOWEVER, if she was guilty I'd be the first to say she needed to be punished severely.  I am now hoping she will take care of the other issues she has and perhaps be made to get help for the bipolar disorder, help with parenting classes perhaps...something!  But of course these will be choices SHE has to make on her own.  She needs to accept resonsibilty for the other things pertaining to my grandsons.  One good thing though, her husband called me and apologised for his behavior and swore to me he understands that the children should never have been treated that way, and he would use the methods I encouraged (time out and taking priviledges away), and it was wrong to use physical punishment.  I am obviously leery of him yet, and I need to see the changes for myself before I will ever be too trusting of him.  I can only keep hoping that he is sincere about this, and will do his best to correct things.  I am not sure if they drop all charges the boys will be returned to them as of yet...I guess we shall see.  We plan to continue working with the kids until it is decided what plans will be made.  As long as they are healthy, safe, happy, and treated like children deserve to be treated I will be okay.  I am taking one day at a time!  So just for today...we ARE okay!!!!  Thanks for the great deal of support, it gave me the strength to continue on.  Have a most joyous day!  J

forever spring

Quote from: JaneF on April 19, 2012, 07:53:43 AM
Good morning all you wonderful ladies!  Yes, having 3 children is running us ragged, but it well worth it.  I have gotten the 3 year old used to going to daycare/preschool in the am, and he has calmed down some now. (for the most part  ;) anyway). lol  The boys are eating better also, and that makes me happy!  My dear husband has shopped and bought many different kid friendly foods so they will eat.  They like fish!  One adores peanut butter and toast with cereal for breakfast, and he will eat apples for me.  Bed time, and bath time and meal times are getting easier too. I have other news too.  Daughter and her husband were released on a P.R. bond (no money needed at all)!!!  Apparently the "victim" that swore that she was sexually abused they think she lied.  THE EVIDENCE did not show anything the girl said.  So it looks like the charges may be dropped pretty soon.  I am relieved because those were terrible charges hanging over her head.

Your detailed description of the way the kids live now was truly inspiring, you have done such a good job and I can just see them munching away, playing and feeling better already. A credit to you.  ;) So happy about your other good news. You must have gone through hell when all of this happened but you soldiered on and now you have your reward. It must still be difficult, I don't underestimate that, and you will need a break some time but you've done your very best, that must be a great feeling. Thank you for sharing this here.

The stories we hear on this forum show the depth of unhappiness which families can afflict. There are all unique and the candour and commitment with which we attempt to tackle them shows the strength of the human spirit.

((((hugs))))

constantmargaret

Reading this thread is difficult and sometimes I don't, because it's been so horrific. Even if the charges are dropped and there wasn't any sexual abuse, you have been living as if there were. It must be utterly awful. Makes my problems look piddly.

I am relieved that things are looking better, and I want to tell you- you are a hero.

shorewil

Happy for you ,Jane. Will the kids still get some therapy ? Have an awesome weekend !

Didi.lost

Jane you are a wonderful wonderful person.  I wish you all the best.
Lots of Love

firelight

Jane, you and your GK's are walking through the deepest valley.  It will be interesting to see if the one with the bowel meds improves being out of that home they were in with the accused.  I think you're wise to remain cautious.  Too much has happened and a person who is behind bars or even that threat hanging over then will promise the moon.....till they're out. 
Maybe that person was lying about the assualt and maybe they weren't.  Too much going on in the big pic huh.
You're a blessing to those boys.  I am thinking of you. 
Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~

JaneF

Hello once again. I did post on a new topic about the latest events, but if it is okay I will update on this post this time. It took over a month, but juvenile office, prosecuting atty office, and cps did investigation (including search warrants on home, drug testing, talking to many witnessess, looking at all home computers, cameras and diaries), and it is apparent now that "victim" was not truthful at all in accusations. So sad, but the press release stated the girl was upset about being disciplined and limited on behaviors so she was angry! She wanted to go live with the biological mom who lost custody of her and her brother for horrible meth abuse and other drugs, "seeing" numerous men in the childrens presence etc. She lost custody when this girl was like 7 years old, and the brother was about 10. At any rate, the mother of the girl allows her to do whatever she chooses to do, right or wrong. This is apparent as well from the recent Facebook page of the girl, and her behaviors since being placed temporarily with this mother. NOT GOOD! She also accused the other fella who was arrested and charged before this case arose...long story short, charges were all dismissed against that guy, my daughter, and daughters husband. I am glad to know THOSE things did not occur, but I am glad to report that since this happened it looks like my daughter and her husband have changed in a few ways! (hope it continues). They are being counseled for issues voluntarily, and have opted to attend a Church of their choice so as to meet and get to know different kind of people, and stay away from people that may not be acceptable to hang around with when one is trying to change their life. This was not done for reasons of court or anything for cps  since all charges are gone and they are cleared and cps is out of the picture. I also hope they stay on a good path now...but ultimately the choice is theirs. I have talked to them daily, and have talked to the 3 year old grandson daily, and so far they sound fine. My daughter is taking advice on parenting tips, and doing good things like taking the child to library, reading to him daily, doing family activities like walking to the park, having cookouts with relatives that are nice people who have had no drug and alcohol problems, as well as the people they go to Church with etc. I am crossing my fingers that this has changed their lives for the better, and also the lives of the children. I have had a few heart to heart talks with daughter and her husband as well. He has apologized for his behaviors, is talking to someone to help him change things, and vows to never ever do anything to the children that might be considered abusive. We have discussed methods such as time outs, redirection, and taking of priviledges for discipline. He sounded sincere and I will never totally stop watching of course...but I am so very hopeful that the lives of everyone involved will now be much better. Sadly the girl who accused is having to deal with juvenile and will face charges or whatever for what she has done. She will probably be placed in a juvenile setting until the age of 18. My husband and I feel much more relaxed now, and things are getting back to normal here at home. We still have the older grandson because my daughter thinks at this time it is still in his best interest. They plan to still move to our town within the next month or so, and my daughter said she wants this child to be able to stay at the same school so he is not disrupted again. Awesome! My daughters husband has a relative that lives within 5 miles of us, and they have offered to rent them a small place. This relative has no drug or alcohol abuse history. Thank all you ladies for the support through this trying ordeal. Keep your fingers crossed that everything continues to move in a positive direction! Oh and yes, the oldest grandson is still in counseling as well. Have a most wonderful weekend.  J

nikncon

So happy for you Jane and DH.Hope that the parents of gs keep working on their parenting skills.Happy Mothers Day.

  Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter