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Re: My Son wont let me see my new born 1st grandchild - New Member 2

Started by Lagunadancer, March 28, 2012, 10:40:18 am

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  I am a new member and this is my first time writing about this and I feel the need to reach out to your heart felt letters. I also have been cut off from my sons life and am not allowed to see my first grandchild. My daughter in law has been very hurtful to me ever since she was pregnant. She is very jealous of my relationship with my son. She was adopted when she was 6 years old from a orphanage in Korea, so she has a lot of issues with that. We were not told that the baby was born until 3 days after she was born. Then the baby was born with a birth defect and had to have surgery and we were not allowed to go to the hospital to see the baby. She had 3 surgeries by the time she was 4 months and I was only allowed to see her at home 3 times during these recovery times. Her birth defect has been completely fixed and she is now 10 months old and I have not been allowed to see her since before her last surgery, which has been 7 months. The reason they are cutting us off as grandparents is very unclear and we can't get them t o talk with us. We have lost a lot of sleep and I cry a lot. I keep thinking I am going to wake up out of this bad dream. I only have one child and one grandchild and life to short to spend without them. My son used to be my best friend and my husbands. My heart is so broken :'(


Also I send cards for every holiday and sometimes a gift. I also have started a grandma journal for my granddaughter of my life to pass to her. My husband takes a picture of all the cards and gifts I send so we have proof of them in case they are being thrown out by them. :-\


Welcome laguanadancer :)

Please read the topics in the category Open Me First.  It'll give you a feel for WWU and how we came about.

I think this must be a tough situation for you and them.  I can't imagine what they've gone through with their child, just can't imagine. 

IMO, maybe stepping back for awhile until they get their bearings and then ask what you can do for a better relationship?  It all just seems too fast, baby is only 10 months old and many surgeries.  Unfortunately, I don't think they would have the time to repair a relationship right now. 

Just my thoughts.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


I'm not in the same shoes but we are not really seeing our daughter's first child much , my only child and we are best friends . I"m trying to hide the hurt, get past this broken heart and hope for the best. This site has really saved me and they r so supportive during the darkest times , so know we all with you and will help to get you through it as it helps us get through ours by helping others . Hugs to you .


Welcome, LagunaDancer. I'm glad you found us. As you already know, you are not alone.

If your DIL was hurtful towards you before the baby was born, I am not surprised that she has cut you off after the birth, especially with the baby's health issues. It's too bad your DS hasn't spoken up; during tough times I'd think the more support the better, but not everyone feels the same.

I don't know if it never occurs to some parents that the GPs might be in pain too, or if they just don't care. Whatever, the result is the same and unfortunately you don't have a lot of options. I agree w/Pam that backing off (not sending gifts & cards for every holiday or event, not calling often) might help; it will be difficult to do, I know, but often AC come back around when they feel less pressured. Your DS is the one who has to step up for his FOO.

Best wishes to you, LD. Please keep reading and posting.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


Hello Laguna.  How did the communication break off to such a degree with you and your son?  Does he respond to your emails or phone calls to him at work, or his cell phone?  Unlike you, I never had any relationship with my ds who is now over 30.  Its my opinion that if a parent ever had a really close relationship to their dc, as you describe, that there is every reason to hope that your good relationship will be restored, and that you will find the right time and place to work through this.  Please don't try and project the future.  all families seem to have rifts and splits these days, I just think its more a product of this society and the diminishing value that is placed on the important things in life, which we've expounded on here at length.  I won't say don't worry, because that would be just stupid, its what we do as mothers, but put it in its place in your mind, and however you have been communicating with the two of them, maybe try something different and get the channels of communication open again. 

lancaster lady

hi Laguna ...

It's a hard thing to do , but perhaps your silence will bring more attention that sending cards etc .
It worked for me , I eventually began to get invites to see my GD.
You could leave it a while before initiating contact again .
It helps by keeping busy and your mind occupied on other things , it will be difficult , but after a while
it gets easier .
They have had a lot of stress with their new born with many surgeries , once the baby is in good health
your DS might again contact you .
don't give up .


Welcome Laguna.  I don't have anything to add as the ladies have offered great advice.  Big hugs.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell