I've missed you.

[firelight]

Why is it that some days I can feel so strong and tough (and I'll have a good stretch of them!), but another part of me still surfaces on other days and I feel so sad and broken-hearted re: my DD and her situation.  Some days I feel like I'm grieving a death of my DD who once was compared to who she is now.  Does this feeling ever go away??  They say time heals all wounds, but I think sometimes it doesn't completely.  Just having a sad few days I guess.   Maybe I just need some sun.  Maybe I need to visit you ladies more....been working too much.  I have really missed you all.

[firelight]

P.S.  sorry....don't mean to sound like a whiner. 

[luise.volta]

You sound like someone who has a life that isn't perfect and you sound like you need someone else to hear you. We do. We care and we know what you're talking about. I often think of my life lessons as coins. They have two sides but when I'm aware of one, I forget the other (pretty much.) Sending love...

[firelight]

thanks, luise.  That's why I love ya'll. 

[Pen]

FL, maybe there's something in the water as I've been feeling down as well. A personal trainer I know is a big advocate of dropping one's exercise regimen while on vacation; he says you need to give your muscles time to rebuild. Maybe spending a couple of down days is the emotional equivalent, as we daily expend a lot of energy dealing with this stuff? IDK, just a thought. Take care.

[firelight]

thanks Pen.  and a great thought it is....I'm glad you shared it.  Thank you.

Hoping your "blaahs" go away soon too.  I look outside this morning and it's a sunny day...and I have 2 days off work which is perfect.  So I'm going to open the curtains, let the sun shine in and clean my home and make it smell good.  Sometimes it's just the little things that help us out. 

You're so right about the energy we expend dealing with this stuff every day.  Time for some aromatherapy!  I'm gonna light my favorite candle (that is a maple-spice scent) and get with the program today.

I really have so missed you all.  I'm glad I checked back in.  Our awesome cyber-family.

[luise.volta]

Great plan! Sending love...

[JaneF]

I can just imagine that good smelling candle...wishing you peace today.  J

[lancaster lady]

You Know Firelight ....this is the first place I come to when feeling low or mad or out of sorts .
All us ladies need someone to chat to at these times , someone who will not judge us , and gives us a cuddle .
And you know what , they are always there ......happy cleaning ....

[Ruth]

I understand.  I guess it depends a lot on the personality of the mother, Firelight, some people work through grief and loss quicker and more thoroughly than others.   In my case, I just can't foresee a time when I won't have yearning and sadness about the child I never got to know, and all the disappointment associated with that.  Now at least it only comes in eruptions, granted many of them are violent, but it doesn't just go on and on the way it used to.  I do believe your DD will get her life together, however, and I think you have reason to be hopeful that you'll  have the relationship with her that you want. 

[Pooh]

Fire, I think it is like grieving a death.  Except we have no closure, so it takes longer.  I have a friend who's hubby was killed in an accident, and the last thing that happened to them that morning was an arguement over the dog.  She still grieves and says that she always will because she feels her last words to him were said in anger and she has no closure because she only feels regret over that morning.  She said had they not had that arguement and had left each other that morning with smiles, she would still hurt from his loss but the closure would have come.

I feel that's what happens to us.  We don't have that closure so it's never really over.  Make sense or am I rambling this morning?  Which is highly possible....

[Pooh]

And by the way, in my friend's situation....we have all told her, over and over again, she has nothing to feel bad for......

Sound familiar to anyone?  It does when I look in the mirror.

[Ruth]

had they not had that arguement and had left each other that morning with smiles, she would still hurt from his loss but the closure would have come.

I feel that's what happens to us.  We don't have that closure so it's never really over.  Make sense or am I rambling this morning?  Which is highly possible....

thank you for sharing this, Pooh.  It is probably at the root of so much of our being stuck, and unable to take the good advise that registers in our logical minds, but cannot reach the deeper hidden recesses of our heart.

[pam1]

firelight, I know what you mean.  When I've examined what's going on when I'm "triggered" it's usually connected to something.  Like right now, I've been pretty anxious the past few days and I realized why this morning.  A couple holiday/birthdays coming up with DHs FOO and this is the calm before the storm, I'm unconsciously preparing myself because right around this time is usually when they start setting off their fireworks.

Anyway, could it be similar for you?  Is there anything about this time of year? Just a thought.

[artlady]

This is the place to feel better, feel the hugs and know that you are certainly not alone here with all of these wonderful women. I wish i had that magic wand from Disney to swish away all the bad days for all. I am in the same boat with you feeling as though I'm mourning the death of a child who is still alive and well. I just hope for us that these AC will grow, mature and find their way which gives them happiness , not that it will be how we would live or choices we would make . There are days that are better than others and I do love the reference to closure and i think that sums it up .  Hey I'm not getting out my black yet I"m doing all the hots pinks, loud colors I have with spring on the way and summer not far behind it . WE might need to get a giant big hat that had all kinds of wild things on it wear it around the house on those bad days and if you are brave go to the grocery in it lol