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I felt like my head was going to explode

Started by tryingmybest, April 09, 2012, 05:16:48 AM

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justus

I know how you feel. My SD can be such a witch. There are times I just don't like her, and DH has let her make decisions for our life, or he did until I put a stop to that. After she had GC, all of her issues, and she has many came to the fore. It was awful, but I kept my mouth shut hoping she would settle down. I was astounded that she even let me near the baby and I could tell it was hard for her.

And, she is a very entitled person. SD was the first GC on both sides and both sides of the family competed for her attention. She expected me to do that, too. Didn't happen. Now, she trusts me more than she does the rest of her family, because she knows that what I give her is real.

Keeping my mouth shut did pay off. At some point, SD came to her senses, mostly, and we were allowed to develop a close relationship with GD. Then, when GD was 3, they moved across the country to be closer to SD's M and that was disastrous. She doesn't even speak to her M anymore.

It took DH and I about a year to get over not having GD just around the corner, but having her here for her first 3 years was wonderful and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world.

Pen

Quote from: tryingmybest on April 12, 2012, 05:28:19 AM
Luise that is it exactly I feel like I'm selling out! When I hear DIL just being vicious about her "friends " behind their backs all I can think of is "whew I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she talks about me!".....


My DIL is vicious about her sib's spouses and DS's friends. When she starts in I try to change the subject. If DS jumps in I feel free to speak up and have said, "When you talk about ____ that way, it makes me uncomfortable. I wonder how you talk about us when we're not around?" Actually I doubt they mention us at all these days after DIL's pronouncement regarding her feelings for us a couple of years ago. Perhaps DIL gossips to her DM about how weird we are, I don't know.

Apparently their FB posts include cool stuff they do w/her FOO and DS, but never mention the times we spend together. We feel as if we are not an important part of their lives.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

lancaster lady

My DIL has.never acknowledged me on FB ever !  I suppose I should bask in my anonimity , better than notoriety !    Lol....    :)

Pen

Yup! As if we could possibly be notorious, LL :)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

tryingmybest

Pen, what I've done is taken them all out of my news feed. I just don't look. It is just so strange my DIL is totally emeshed with her FOO, but my son really clearly does not want close involvement with his, feeling that in some way takes away his manhood and keeps him a child. Society just makes men who stay close to their families "icky "  ???

Some DIL's find it really easy to pounce on and use this ick factor to their advantage. Any requests to continue a close family relationship just seem to make it worse. Interestingly there are families that seem to avoid this little land mine, those where sons have a close relationship with their Dads. Mom's seem to be the hot button issue....just makes all those hours of labor so worth it.. :P

Pen

IDK, I have friends whose sons are still quite involved w/ mom & FOO even after marrying and creating a new family. The close relationship I had w/ my DS led me to believe our FOO would be the same...didn't count on DIL and her FOO, shame on me.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Pooh

I also have a couple of friends who's Son's have remained close with them.  I still hold out hope for my YS!!! Lol.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

And then there's our Webmaster, Kirk, my youngest. :-)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama