My First Grandchild Arrived this evening! BITTERSWEET

[artlady]

I'm sitting here tonight in a very similar situation but it is the DD and the rude SIl I'm dealing with and their 7 week old baby boy , that I don't 'seem to have even bonded with as he is a control freak and wants no family his or hers to be around ever. So my heart breaks for you as mine is broken. WE will get through this and prayer for the best for them, the grand babies and for us to all heal. This is a great place for love and support.

[Pen]

ArtLady, I understand your concern and am sorry your heart is broken. Since SIL doesn't want either FOO to come around you know it isn't anything against you personally, but it is worrisome. Your DD is the one who needs to speak up if she feels differently. I think you've shown admirable restraint; may they value that as a sign you won't be hovering and allow you to bond w/your GC.

[Pooh]

I'm with Pen.  It's not about you at all.  It's about his behavior and what your DD is willing to do.  Hang in there AL.

[artlady]

Thanks for your support as I feel your hugs. My main concern that worries me about me is that I feel this wall going up to protect my heart from the whole situation which includes my dd and gs, I don't want to have my heart jerked out anymore than it is now. AS my mother told me at 17 that I had to learn that i was the type that gave more love than I'll get back, I always put others ahead of myself. I don't 'want to lose my daughter but I can't change anything but at the same time i don't know how long I can go along hiding my feelings from her so not to hurt her, lose her or cause her anymore stress. But at sometime I need to be able to get out from under this hurt until she handles it or sees for herself. She is so much like me as far as loving that is why is is so hard for me to accept how things are going and the outgoing fun dd is missing. I'm not going to interfer and I know my dh is  not as he has just about washed his hands as he says he has turned his check so many times to the SIL that it is worn out . I feel i fight tears all the time and this is not my personality I"m usually funny, laughing, making others laugh and having fun but right now I'm not able to be me . I', still debating whether to discuss with dd, wi=rite and nice letter to SIL , or just let them figure it out in how many years it takes and hope I'm still living when it happens if it does. OK thanks , I"m sorry if your ears are hanging off your head for listening to my sad stuff as I know there are others having worse times then me  but thanks for caring

[Pooh]

Reading your posts, I wouldn't discuss it with DD any more.  She knows already as she's made her comments about how he is.  I truly think if you keep doing what your doing with DD, you will not lose her.  I think you are handling it very well with her.

As far as yourself, yes you have to figure out how to move on.  You have to figure out how to let go of your expectations on how your relationship is supposed to be.  Easier said and done, but you said it yourself, you used to be different.  Please don't let DD's decisions change you into something you are not.

[artlady]

Oh no I"ve not discussed the hospital behavior of her DH, the only discussion we have had about him was after the wedding( 2 years ago) and how he acted over nothing and hasn't been happy with us since. Now she will make reference about things he does or says just like most of us but I don't' do anything but listen as i can't say anything because if i start i might not stop when it comes to him and his rude behavior. The only thing I will say is I wish we could talk on the phone like we use to that texting and emails just aren't' the same, we both tell each other we miss hearing the other  and how much we love each other. Some say say nothing but others that know her tell me if she only knew how hurt you are then she will try to handle things ( this gal is a psychology  / human resource major so i would think she can see things , but love it blind ) . The counselor said i would know the right time to talk to her but so far i don't' know that i will as I would never ever want to take away from her this joy of a baby, or child time as that is the joy of life to be a mother . I don't' ever want to hurt her or see her hurt. She is my only child and lucky  to have her after they said no to me every trying again after a very rare cancer . So she is a miracle .  Right now I'd love to grab her by the shoulders and tell her WAKE UP BEFORE IT IS TO LATE,  No she doesn't have a clue about any of the hurt we are going through , she thinks we r fine . I'll see her Thursday , going up to visit for daytime while he is at work ( yahoooooooo ). 

[Pooh]

That's why I said you are doing great.  I was refrencing her comments about him not wanting her to work, etc.  She knows. 

[artlady]

oh  ok thought you thought I'd told her all about our feelings and counseling , i do hope she makes the right choice on the job. I'd love to see her stay home but with the economy, his really getting full control if she is home and the fact her job is a very good paying one with the state and his is with a private company( that is owned from overseas that has trimmed lots and could go belly up anyday) I just worry about the 3 of them and what them might face financially if his company closes and she isn't working .

[pam1]

oh  ok thought you thought I'd told her all about our feelings and counseling , i do hope she makes the right choice on the job. I'd love to see her stay home but with the economy, his really getting full control if she is home and the fact her job is a very good paying one with the state and his is with a private company( that is owned from overseas that has trimmed lots and could go belly up anyday) I just worry about the 3 of them and what them might face financially if his company closes and she isn't working .

artlady, I understand your concerns but it's something I would try to let go of.  You raised your daughter well, right?  She'll make good choices.  Even if she doesn't, she'll learn from it. 

[artlady]

thanks it is just so hard to be upbeat , act like it is all fine and nothing changed in front of her , just afraid one day i might break and she will know . I'm doing my best to let go but it is all so new, baby is 8 weeks . WE had finally gotten over the wedding fit he threw , but this just put more salt on the wound.   thanks i 'm hoping to get back to my painting

[lancaster lady]

I paint too Artlady , but find it hard unless I am In a happy place . Good luck with yours , it does while away the hours .

[artlady]

HEY  LL I knew you must be of kindred soul so now you know how this "art " mind thinks, scattered brain etcLOL  Before I forget I do want to say we are always as nice as we can be to DH, he has no idea we have any concerns, worries or not very happy with him we aer the very same we have always been since he met us 7 years ago. LL i just got to big paintings that an elderly couple want me to add more kids to that has hung in their living room for 30 years, so I've got my hands full matching paint, clothes etc to make it not look like an ad on. I didn't have the heart to tell them it might not be as easy as it seems , they r from my home town and always been as nice as they could be to my family , me and everyone that knows them.  I'll visit dd on thur, she is so excited as I've not been there 3 weeks as schedule was hectic here for me and my emotions were just too raw and wanted to be able to pull it off . She is a precious dd and i hope the sil will one day realize how lucky he is and to give her space to grow. I hope I can get back to me and paint more as that is the best therapy and i don't have to pay that crazy copay. The funny thing the psychiatrist asked was this the first time we have been to see a psychiatrist , we said yes and she said that was rare at our age . I thought wow i knew i should have been on that couch a long time ago , something was missing   lol   paint on lady and keep me posted on what you r painting .