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Why the disrespect?

Started by Sassy, April 13, 2010, 07:12:09 PM

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isitme?

Hi chickie,
You know, I was thinking about this and how it all came about.  I know you felt you had legitimate questions that you wanted to bring to the other site, but it did sound a little to me like when you were addressing those women, you were projecting your own negative feelings about your DILs onto them.  And in turn, they projected all their negative feelings about their MILs right back at you.  I actually read through some of those comments before they got deleted and many of them were quite harsh.  but some of those DILs also tried to understand where you wre coming from and respectfully tried to explain why/how they disagree.  But it might have gotten lost in the whole inflammatory tone of the thread... which is a shame really.  i think some of them might have really wanted to try and help you.

I agree, I think this whole thing has gotten ridiculous at this point and I hate to think of Luise having to think about this right now when she has so many other things on her mind.  I hope we're all able to learn a few lessons from this - on both sites.  Let's all keep respecting each other and make sure we're not lumping all DILs or MILs into one category.  Many of you here are here because you've had some rough experiences with your DILs... and the DILs here are here to provide you with some perspective and also (at least for me), to get some occasional advice/feedback and reassure ourselves that WE are not horror DILs like this. 

Likewise, on the other site, those women are struggling because they got stuck with the bad MILs.... and I think they reacted the way they did because they are sick of being blamed (often wrongly) for everything by their MILs and then they felt like one more came in and did.  so that might have reinforced some of their views that all MILs are the same.  which is going to hurt them in the long run too.    Like I said before, this whole thing has made me very sad.  but i certainly feel like I have learned from this.

Coco, it's nice to hear from you too.  I know a lot of people have been thinking of you here (me included) and hoping everything was okay.  I understand your frustration... I think others of us have felt it here as well.  I'm hoping things will get better again.   :)

cocobars

Thanks isitme, I do too.  -Hope it will get better again...

2chickiebaby

I've never condemned you, Postscript...but yes, they did react to what I said with hatred, even calling up what I had
said in years past.  Calling me a liar. 


Sassy

But why bring it all here?

Postscript

I thought that they were talking about someone called Marylou from another site? Not you.

I just don't get it though, what were you looking for? 

cocobars

This was such a good healing place and had such a supportive and understanding feeling just a month ago even.  Can everyone just take a breath, go to sleep on it and not come back in until we can all be "together" again?   Not tearing eachother apart?

I mean it.  Can we keep the special place we have?

Postscript

Sorry Coco, my insatiable need to understand sometimes knows no bounds.  I'll cool my jets.

cocobars

Thank you Postscript!  Open minds anyone?

mh2010

Quote from: Sassy on April 13, 2010, 07:12:09 PM
I am wondering why would someone do what Luise has specifically asked us not to do to her site.

Why would someone desecrate this place by stirring up board wars on "hate sites" and intentionally bring their upsetting negativity over here?

I am shaking my head because it is so, so..... wrong.

Maybe it's just me, but reading what was done feels like a betrayal of Luise, and in some of her darkest hours.

I can't understand why.

Please, out of respect for Luise and those of us who prefer to avoid needless drama and instead seek solace and safety here .... please stop.

Please.

I used to post here a long time ago but left for a few different reasons.  I most likely will not post anymore after this.  I haven't even read this blog for about six week but was not shocked when I came back and saw all of this hooplaw.

I'm sure I'm going to hurt some feelings but I'm going to be frank and let everyone else ponder what I'm about to say.  I agree with someone who said that 99% of the ladies and gentlemen on this site are great and really do want to work on their IL issues, which I think is very productive.  Please remember that it only takes one to upset the balance.

I started reading this blog a few weeks or months after its inception.  I have seen Luise ask numerous times for posters not to bring stuff from other blogs over here just grip about what that "other" site is  talking about.  That other "site" will immediately take down any comments their posters make about this site.  Is everyone aware of that??

In my recent research into behavior, while trying to understand my IL issues.  I have learned about various different personalites.  And there are people who love attention and will do whatever needed to keep or get the attention back onto them.  They will sometimes even cause chaos to get and  keep the attention on them.  Bad attention is better  than no attention after all for some.  And then sometimes this chaos will give them an oppunrtunity to play the victim role and be the center of attention again so that they can feel good again.  Then if everyone finds out that this person caused the chaos then the person feels threatened and may apologize profusely or they may try to justify why they did what they did.

First I'm no expert but over the several months that I've watched this blog or even posted I have seen this attention grab happen a few times.  What better way to get people to give you attention than to occasionally mention that you're on the verge of suicide (in so many words). 

After I stopped posting a while back I noticed an exchange between posters that was quite interesting.  One poster had had some wonderful news and found out that they were having another grandchild.  Many of the other posters immediately started congratulating her and the post ended up being very upbeat until one poster chimed in and started talking about how she's so blue again she feels suicidal again (in so many words).  What a crafty way to take the attention away from the original poster who was trying to share her happy news.  The post then turned into a "Oh I'm so sorry, what can we do for you" to the poster who changed the dynamic.  Why couldn't this sad poster start a new thread.  My answer:  she didn't like the attention that original poster was getting and had to get the focus back on her.  Doesn't anyone notice these tactics that are being used by a poster here???

And then last  but not least is the situation going on now.  Who as of late has been such a massive amount attention b/c of a personal tragedy??  Luise.  Luise has been going through such a personal and painful trial and needed everyone's love and support.  And most everyone this site has been wonderful and given that to her.  But for one poster maybe that love and support for Luise was lasting a little too long.  And this poster was upset yet again b/c the attention was not on her at all.  So this poster must create a drama or chaos to get the attention off of poor Luise  to shift everyone's attention and focus back onto this poster's problems and HER devastation.

I will try not to post again, but I hope and pray that some of you can see this pattern of behavior from this poster.  There is one and only one poster that seems to be upsetting the balance of this site. 

I hope before some of you might get angry, please be willing to ponder what I have said.  Best Wishes.

Meryl

Very interesting post mh2010. I didn't make the connection before about the attention seeking behaviors until you pointed out. This situation certainly brought a lot of attention! I don't think there is any insight into this behavior, and it probably carries over into real life and the family relationships.

Food for thought...

Meryl :)

Enough

April 17, 2010, 10:16:15 AM #25 Last Edit: April 18, 2010, 10:40:16 AM by Enough
I just realized I put this in the wrong topic.

Apologies

Hope

Quote from: isitme? on April 13, 2010, 09:46:04 PM
Coco, it's nice to hear from you too.  I know a lot of people have been thinking of you here (me included) and hoping everything was okay.  I understand your frustration... I think others of us have felt it here as well.  I'm hoping things will get better again.   :)

Coco, your voice is very important to us.  Please stay in touch.  We love you.
Hope