You are all going to think we are nuts!

[JaneF]

I just posted a few days ago that DD left new husband for another fella in another town due to her husband not treating my grandsons well....okay, it has been a few days and things have changed once again!  No surprise right?  DD went right back to her husband as I figured she might.  I heard word last night from another source that my DD may be calling me and asking me to take the oldest of the 2 grandsons because her husband just does not like him  !!!  I plan to call her first today, and find out if I CAN have him! If so, the very first thing I plan to do is notify child protective services AGAIN and update on all current issues, THEN I plan to rush to the courthouse and apply for emergency custody or guardianship of the little guy!!! My DD is a total mess, and this has gone on far, far too long. I am crossing my fingers on this newest developement. Oh yeah, another possible motive for DD doing this...she can only recieve welfare $ on this child for maximum of 5 years if I understand that law right...his time is up, she has probably been told she can't draw it anymore, but that is purely a guess on my part.  I wish there was a way to petition the court for guardianship of DD, but legally since she is married I doubt that would be possible...too bad.  Thanks for letting me ramble again, good grief.  J

[elsieshaye]

Wow, so much chaos and upheaval.  Keeping my fingers crossed about the emergency custody/guardianship.  It must be so hard to watch your DD make all these bad choices that impact her kids so strongly.  (I personally can't wrap my head around putting a guy above one's children, and I think you're doing a good job not being judgemental toward her (boy, I would be!!) and just focusing on her kids and what you can do to make things easier on them.)

[JaneF]

Thanks for the kind response. I do get frustrated with DD at times, trust me! However, she has such a severe issue with her bipolar disorder (and other things), she really IMO doesn't know she is acting strangely or without regard to her children. So sad. My focus has to be on trying to do the best I can for her children, which is exactly why my husband and I have always had her oldest child, now almost 13 years old. I honestly have tried many, many times and in many, many ways to help my DD but it of course has not lasted long because she runs and bolts every few days, weeks, or months! So unstable. I do get worn out trying to keep up with the issues, and working third shift full time adds to my exhaustion! lol  One day at a time...that's all I can do.  J

[firelight]

I'd like to see you get both of the grandsons.....now they will be separated.....and that leaves just 1 to deal with the craziness and mistreatment.  Maybe you can get them both.  You're a loving grandmother, JaneF. 

[artlady]

YOu are certainly a great  grandmother and I"m sure a life long influence that this children will grow up to admire , love and certainly appreciate in years to come for all you are doing for them. Hopefully as they get older they will understand the bipolar situation and their mother might be better in years to come . Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that emergency custody works fast and easy for you . Good luck

[Pen]

Thinking of you JaneF, and will be hoping for the best for all.

[lancaster lady]

My heart is with those kids , I hope you can keep the whole family together .
Who knows what the long term effect this will have on them .
You are doing the right thing , good luck .

[FAFE]

I do hope for your sake you can get both of your GC.  They have had much turmoil in their little lives and it seems like splitting them up would surely do a lot more damage than you having one and her having the other one.  The husband is not the father of either one is he? 

I would certainly hate to start raising little ones again.  I'm sure I'm much older than you are and we have had our 1 1/2 year old GD today and she wears me out.  Gives me lots of love and snotty noses, but I do love her, but don't know if I could do it around the clock. 

I think going to the child protective agency would be the way to go to assure that both boys are taken care of. 

[firelight]

I'm still hoping that JaneF's DD will soon see crystal clear, in time, that boyfriends are replaceable and children are not.  He (BF) is hardly worth it and I highly doubt he is a parent himself to actually have the audacity to expect her to give up one of her children because he "doesn't like him".  That alone would be a boot in behind and right out the door for him for me.   If not for DD, then maybe she will allow JaneF to take both.  (but how does JaneF feel about that load??  )  I know she will do whatever she is able and that is all any of us can do. 

Warm thoughts to you JaneF no matter what happens!   

[JaneF]

I just typed a whole response and poof it went away.  Just too tired to redo now.  Before I make any statement here I have to say I do not ask for legal advise or expertise in any other area.  I just want to relay the latest events.  I will explain more later, but for now I can say I have the 8 year old grandson!  Got him Monday, DD let me come get him.  Sadly he informed me of dreadful abuses he has endured...almost burst into tears while he was telling me.  The school is going to help me hotline protective services to obtain legal guardianship, but someone may be in trouble for the abuse and I certainly hope so indeed.  Whoever posted about DD's new husband...yes he has children of his own!  But he has told my GS awful things and done awful things to him.  Physical and mental abuse.  He also has a plantars wart so large in the arch of his right foot it looks like an eye and he limps because it interferes with walking.  He has an appointment Tuesday for check up with doctor I use for GD.  I only hope and pray protective services will help this child, and then I am also hoping they will remove the 3 year old from them as well...time will tell.  I will say the kids are locked in a room and GS said doorknob was turned around so lock is on outside and he had to yelkl if he had to go to bathroom, then he got into trouble for waking them up, and they didn't get up until 10 o'clock (no wonder she claimed she was HOMESCHOOLING)!  GRRRRR.  He has been hit by DD new husband repeatedly with what GS called a "cutting board", and each time he swatted it was harder.  I am so very upset for these poor children.  I am fighting with all my might to get them help.  I'll keep you updated if it is okay with administration and Luise...if not I'll understand.

[FAFE]

Jane, that is awful.  I am so glad you did get the 8 year old out and will pray that you can get the other one (if you are physically able to care for the both of them).  My heart just breaks for those kids.  Prayers going up for you and the children and that your DD will see the light and get some help for herself. 

[lancaster lady]

OMG ! Thank goodness they have you Jane , looks like you got there just in time. Your love will  heal the hurt. Bless you  JANE, you are a lifeline for those poor kids .

[jill1963]

Good luck to you Jane F  sounds like your GC are in a more stable environment and my heart goes out to your 8 year old GS who seems to of got some pretty unfair treatment  and its very neglectful of them not getting that plantars wart treated.
Hopefully you will get your remaining GC soon as he sounds as if he would be better off with you too.
I also hope your DD manages to get a handle on her Bipolar disorder as i am sure that if she was not suffering from this she would be appalled at herself for what has happened to her children, and i know like us all, no matter what your DD has done you love her and want the best for her also.

Fingers, toes and everything crossed that you get a good outcome to all this.
My thoughts are with you.
Jill x

[firelight]

Oh Jane!  You are a beautiful soul for stepping up to the plate ....and a full one you have indeed.  I know this is a wonderful investment you're making in your GC even though it's so hard to raise more babes. 

I don't know why women stay with these "blankity blanks" but I know that those who do are having a mental illness obviously and just not able to problem solve or cope with the pitiful situation that is their life.  There self-esteem is shot. 

I hope you can get the other one out.  I'm really hoping the abuser gets it big time for the abuse and neglect of the kids.  I'm wondering if the state will come and remove the other child.  I hope step-daddy goes the jail.  What I really want to type here about him is not allowed so you all know what that might entail.  However, your DD might also be in trouble for allowing it to go on.

I just give you the biggest praises Jane and think positive as you go through the days, months and years ahead.  You have saved these children's life and well-being mentally & physically. 

I stand in awe of you. 

[FAFE]

Jane, I would suggest, if you haven't allready done so, take a picture of his foot and any other bruises, marks he may have.  Hugs going out to you.