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DD is being isolated ,concerned for her well being

Started by artlady, February 19, 2012, 08:10:32 am

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artlady

I didn't get to go up this week as I was having severe pain with my small nerve fiber neuropathy , sitting /riding is the worse so she wants me to come next week and spend a night or so. I just hope and pray the SIL will be friendly because I'll be stuck at night , won't be able to leave if I wanted to but I'll focus on her and the baby. I'm going to be there for her support , needs and to spend mother /daughter time . I plan on cooking a few things they can freeze to pull out on those rough days/nights. I took a few things last visit. So after 2 counseling and words of wisdom from all my super smart ladies on here I do feel stronger and better about the whole situation . I do feel sorry for him as he is missing so much by shutting people out of his life ( his family , us and doesn't have but one guy he does things with who is their only couple friend, DD has lots of friends) . I'm hoping that once the GS starts school they will meet other couples they can become friends with to share in child activities but there again I can't have expectations , it is their life and if they like it the way it is , then so be it. Once she starts pumping this week I think she will be able to get more done , get out and not have to sit in one place about all day. I'm proud of her patience with her breastfeeding and the time she has put into it will be well worth it down the road. GS will be a month old Monday so things will start to change and the gas etc will hopefully get better. Thanks again for all of you listening and holding my hand ,  love to you

artlady

Well my fears are coming true . I know that DD isn't going back to work and has convinced herself she will end up in the hole rather than making money. She makes excellent salary with the state , great benefits, free health insurance , one of the best retirement systems in the country and so many other great benefits. She has to drive about an hour each way so with the gas, wear and tear on car , plus if she is late leaving work to pick baby up would be a problem,( he works right there in town where baby will be , not sure why he can't pick him up if she is running late ), She now says she doesn't need any money ( wow that really scares me as every woman needs a little of their own for whatever reason) but the main thing is she has always said she would have one and then wait two years before trying for the next, save money up for herself ,pay the bills she had  ( that he doesn't pay or not sure he even knows about , we don't' discuss that ) and once the 2nd was born then she would be able to stay home . Well today she was talking about work and that is not worth her going back if she is going to get pregnant again before this baby's first birthday. Wow where r those body snatchers that got my independent strong daughter. I have no problem with her staying home , if that was her decision and I felt it was but all I've heard since before they got married , got pregnant was him saying he wanted her to stay home and she telling me he wanted her to stay home all going back to his mother and the resentment he holds for his dad , He blames his dad quitting his good job to just bounce from job to job that his mother who was a stay at home mom had to go to work and basically be the bread winner , she had to bring work home , couldn't take him places or be there for him anymore and the dad never was involved with his boys ( sports , fishing etc) I would not be so concerned if i didn't see it linked to an emotional issue that he is trying to resolve in his own life or whatever. If it was something i thought was  joint decision and not imposed as dd is so compassionate, loving and sympathetic to others that she will do whatever she has to do to make them happy at the risk of her own ( she got that inherit trait from her mother who got it from her mother , a real curse I'd hoped not to pass on ) She has learned to be way more assertive than good old mom but she still caves to others all the time . The bright light though is that maybe if he will let her she can come down and spend a few nights every once in a while with us , he might as he really could care less about her parents or his being in his life , hers or their baby ./ OK deep breath , I need all my support counselors to get me through this one . don't get me wrong i want her happiness above all  and I can worry from afar but just want to know if it sounds as if she is giving into his control , that is the red flag that has me worried . thanks and love to all for putting up with all my rambling thoughts that are all over for the last 8 weeks .

lancaster lady

You know what ?
I think you have to let this one play out , it's their life and if they make mistakes so be it .
Whatever we say will be wrong anyway , so maybe best not try .
After your DD has been home alone with baby for a few months , she may change her mind .
My DIL was the same , will never work etc ....she is now working part time , as she wanted
to see people and a change of scenery , not to mention the money .

artlady

Well I"m not saying a word , like I say I can vent here but not to her , I just see that as his control , keeping her home , barefoot , pregnant and totally dependent on him. Lord help them both with the economy we have that his company closes, he worries all the time about as from all the cuts and lack of contracts they have . So these young folks have to learn the hard way but it is like hell to watch this drama play out . I just miss the daughter i knew for 31 years , i just hope she will be happy at home as she has already been stressed on not being able to get out like she use to , get things done around the house and the sleep deprivation as this baby is still very high maintenance but living with a researcher who does it all by the book or by what he reads is a real joy i bet. Hey we can't even play family card or board games with him by doing it exactly by the rules no changes for fun  lol  Well i' ll hope from more little visits with her there when he is at work and her coming here  lol