Update on custody

[Didi.lost]

Well its good news for GS. Ex SIL has temp custody for now.  DD has visitation one day a week with restrictions (no drinking and no BF there)  That is wonderful for Gs.  On the other hand my DD is in real pain now and called to scream at me. I had to hang up on her. I wish she gets the help now that she needs so badly.  We will see.  I am the scum of the earth now.       

[Pen]

Didi, you know that you are most definitely not the scum of the earth. You are your GS's savior. I'm sorry your DD is in such pain, but perhaps this is her wake up call. Best wishes to you!

[Didi.lost]

Yes so happy for my GS. He gets to do all the things he likes now with his dad.  But I feel horrible for my DD.  I feel guilty and like I betrayed her so badly but I and all of us knew this had to be done.  The drinking has to stop and the bad behaviour and life choices she makes are all hers.  She needs to change her ways now and it is up to her now, but I don't know what she is going to do.  The mystery of waiting is very hard to take.  Will she stop and realize now what she has done or will she go completely crazy now.
Is she going to have a nervous breakdown like  my sis suggested?  She may loose everything now too.I know it is what it is  and I'm just venting now.  Bear with me.  I hope I get some peace soon cause I am just torn to bits.
Thanks for listening. 

[lancaster lady]

Didi:

Of course she is going to rant and rave now , but when the tears dry , she has to realise
all that has happened she brought on herself .
If she has a sober moment , I hope these are the thoughts that come to her , and she will want to change her life .
I hope she finds the help she needs as no one wants a mother to lose her child , but for now this is how it
has to be , for the safety of that wee guy .
She is your daughter too and I know how hard it's been for you , your loyalties are split , but this is
the right decision for all concerned .
sending hugs .....

[firelight]

Hey Didi.....
you have absolutely done the right thing.  I know first hand what it feels like to "betray" a DD with a phone call (mine to CPS).  But when a child's own parents will not protect them, then if we are the ones standing there, it's up to us.  I know it's so very painful but you have helped your GS's well being in every aspect. 

Your daughter's nasty addiction has brought her to this place.  Either this will be her "personal rock bottom" or it won't.  Too bad so sad she lost her child support.  If that's the only reason she had for hanging on to her son, then shame on her.  People with addictions do not see past the nose on their own faces.  I am hoping that your DD will turn over a new leaf (as I hope for my own DD) and get her life straight.  Your GS will love his momma always in spite of what has happened.  It's just one of those things.  You have offered your GS a chance at leading a "normal" life at the sacrifice of yourself and your DD's relationship....but under the circumstances, there really was no other place to go.  This too shall pass and hopefully in time, your DD will see the error of her ways and start the climb to recovery.  It could happen.  I know she must be hurting terribly right now and her pride has been injured....I'm sure she is embarrassed.  When she posts those things about her plight on the net, people are not stupid.  For her situation to happen, most know that there is some reason it did.  Mommas don't just "lose" their children because they were great moms.  Your GS deserves a good life, not the other one of chaos and drama. 

Warm thoughts to you Didi!  Job well done.

[firelight]

P.S.  If your DD happens to never reach the conclusion that she has brought this on herself and doesn't see that her own son deserves a better life than that which a drunkard has to offer, then she has perfected the art of deluding herself.  Through all this pain though, I am hoping all gets better in time.  What people lose over their addictions is horrendous. May she come to realize that it just wasn't worth it and begins to repair herself so that she may live a long life to enjoy her sweet son and hopefully a GC some day!

[firelight]

1 more thought:  my father was not sober until I was already an adult and my DD was around 6.  He only sobered up and remains so after a trip to the state penn after 1 too many drunk drivings.  He is a wonderful father now and a perfect grandpa.  My DD is 25 now with her own baby daughter.  I never let my DD spend the night until he sobered up.  After he did, he and my DD devoloped a super relationship and have had great times together as my DD grew up.  So, the benefits of what you helped achieve may not come for some time and in fact, maybe not till a GC arrives or it may never come.  It will or it won't.  You did what you had to do and it's all now in another power's hands.  Best Best Best wishes to you and your family.

[Didi.lost]

Well here I am still living in this nightmare of a life.  After my DD lost custody, she went into breakdown, called my sis and told her she wanted to kill herself.  My sis was a basketcase at this point, so I called DD who hates me more than anything and DH and I talked to her for hours.  When we found she had anger issues from her whole life, we tried to help her and promised to help her get counselling and got her to say she would quit drinking.  The next day I got Crisis Counselling to go see her.  They assessed she has anger issues and didn't think she had a drinking problem.  That just showed her see I dont drink too much.  They met her for one hour and came to this conclusion.  I know her 38 yrs. Everyone knows she has a drinking problem.  She has pushed the whole family away recently.  Now I'm sucked into helping her find counselling cause she works all day and cant do it.  No time.  I'm so sucked in and feel so bad for her that we pick up GS for her for her visit cause her car broke down.  GS looks very happy to be home.  So I think maybe he should be with his mom.  So I say I'll go to your lawyer and help you try to win him back.  But first I want you to go to an AA meeting.
Well that was a bust.  She was so mad at me for making her sit through that (It was a pretty sad meeting and grundgy place)  DH and I sat there too.  And I gave her money to help with all her problems.  I think she hates me even more now if that's possible and I know that didn't help. Now I have made a bigger mess of this whole thing. I thought she was co-operating with us and going to straighten up her life.  Doesn't look like that to me.  Now she may get GS back.  Boy I'm stupid sometimes to get sucked in by her games.  I think she really is sick cause this is not normal behaviour.  I can't do this anymore. I want to just let SIL fight with her and throw in the towel on my part.  SIL wont give up I'm sure, so I have to wait and see now but I have to remove myself from this fight because it's killing my health.  My loyalties to each side is eating me up inside.  I'm hurting so bad, I think I'm getting depressed over this now.  If she get GS back I will call our childrens services if I hear anything bad at all.  I'll call every week if I have to. I don't know what to do or think anymore.  I'm weak then I'm strong then I'm nothing.  What a NIGHTMARE.  Thanks for listening and take care all of you.

[Pen]

So sorry to hear this, Didi. (((hugs)))

[NewMama]

Oh Didi, what a terrible situation to be in. You did what you thought was best for your GS. He's lucky to have a gma like you. Your DD sounds like someone who has alcohol addiction, and unfortunately you can't help them until they truly want to help themselves. Have you thought about Al Anon for yourself? It's a support group for family and friends of problem drinkers. It may help you set some boundaries with your DD and deal with manipulative behaviour.

[JaneF]

DiDi, I totally understand that you are feeling like you betrayed your DD...but know you did the right thing for your little GS!!!  It is hard when we have to do things like that (I know from personal experience), but hopefully it will get her to get help now. But ultimately it is her choice. I am really, really glad the GS is in a safer environment at this point. Take care of yourself and know you did the right thing.  J