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In dire need of some advise

Started by Deb123, February 08, 2012, 04:40:33 PM

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artlady

Deb ,
so sorry you are going through this prior to the wedding . We had to deal with SIL dad and stepmom who gave us trouble the whole time , made the SIL/DD think they would pay for their part (rehearsal, reception and groom's part of others things) Wrong we had to take it ALL out of savings to pay for it all with no help from them and that was a big hit for us. DD is my only child DH has 2 DS , so we wanted it to be a special day for DD and SIL . What I'm saying is if they are treating you this way I do hope you are not helping $$$$$ with this wedding. I didn't have the same of being uninvited etc but the in laws and sil ( who changed like a chameleon on the wedding day) are very similar. I'm new to this site and so far I feel so much better as I don't feel so alone by posting and reading here . Take care of your self . prayers to you

Beth 2011

Hi Deb,

Welcome to my world because this all sounds all to familiar to me.  It sounds to me like she is using GF on FB as an excuse for you not to attend the wedding....see I know because my DIL cancelled the rehearsal dinner for their wedding and told by email, she hoped I could get my deposit back because they she and DS had decided that it was too much trouble to get everyone to come to the location that she picked out and told me about.....  But we still went to the wedding.  We did not contribute financially and I didn't feel bad at all because of our treatment and also because it was DS's 2nd marriage and we gave generously to that and he is over 30 and makes great money and so does she.  I would try to talk with her parents but be prepared to get stonewalled. 
When I talked to my DS's FMIL for the 1st time, it was like she was unsure of what she was saying.....she was very guarded.  I wish you the best in being strong for yourself and your FOO.  Hopefully you will make a breakthrough before this all goes to far.

foofoo

I'm glad you at least know why now.  At least this way, you have a starting point and even if your son does have a revisionist memory, at least you can sort of anticipate what is coming next.  Good luck to you.

Nana

Hi Deb

I am thinking about many things here.  When I was having difficult times with dil....I also took all (disrespect, rolling eyes, ignoring me, you name it).  I tried to buy her love or acceptance being nice, buying gifts, treating dil as a princess---nothing worked.  It only left me a sense of worthlessness and feeling I have lost my dignity.   I fell into a severe depression and stepped back completely....I was the one who said ënoügh...no more. I did tell my son I loved him and grandson and always would.....but that having a relationship with them was making me sick...and that I didnt even recognize myself...I wanted my old "me".  Okey...Deb....all this to tell you that this was the turning point for our relationship.  Its been 3 or 4 years since then....and we all get along real good....now I have two other grandchildren and are very close. 

Please do not beg.... let them solve their issues....You still have some few months for the wedding.  Step back....and only God knows what will happen.  The disrespect from dil's foo is unbelievable.  Dont go back to them....you are not their punching bag.  You are worth a lot more. 

Good luck
Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare

Karina53

Hi Deb, what an amazing story! If your DS marries this woman, I'm betting he won't be very happy. She sounds quite controlling. And so does her FOO. I find it odd that they never knew about your DS and their DD living together. I'm guessing that she thinks you might spill the beans to her family. The whole thing sounds like one big mess. This does not sound like a very healthy relationship, and if their relationship is that tenuous now, they will have more issues as the wedding date nears. Take good care of yourself, let your son know that you love him, and really fill your life up with interesting people and situations. It sounds like the only thing you can do. And another thing--never say anything negative about his fiancee to him. I guess what I'm suggesting here is a friendly but detached interest in her.

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Nana

Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove:
Shakespeare