Give me patience...

[luise.volta]

Show me an un-jaded mom and I will show you someone totally out of touch with reality! 

[Pooh]

Took the words right out of my mouth Luise!

Her lie?  Nevvvvvaaaa.......  One thing I think she knows is that DH and I fully support each other in decisions and talk about everything.  That will be no shocker to her.  I'm thinking her strategy right now is to treat me nice and not bring it up, while showing total disdain for him, hoping to make him feel guilty so he'll cave.  She's going to have a rude awakening.

What's the saying? "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me."

[shorewil]

Pooh- If it is discussed again , I would  something like "You know, your dad and I are on the same team." You are very right to be careful of this guy - my DD moved in with a guy who was 38 and she was 28 (adults, right ?) After almost a year , I checked into his Facebook page carefully and found that he was in contact with 645 high school age and younger girls ! And he taught karate to young children and teenage girls  !! DH and I got her out of there as fast as we could - I had even put my name on the lease for  them ... He then moved on to a 20 year old girl- my daughter having admitted that they hadn't had sex in six months - I told her ,"No, hon - you were too old ." Live and learn, right ? No - she waits for about a year, finds "the one" and moves in with him - only to find out six months down the road that he is alcoholic , uses cocaine and has spent time in prison - Where did she meet him you say ? On-line, of course. $200 apt in NYC screams  "trap" (unless of course she was lying about $200 !
That said- you and DH hold strong - she will leave when she is 18 and graduates, but at least you will have done your job. Best wishes for all concerned- maybe you could tell her about my daughter- who was NOT 18 .

[Pooh]

Thanks shorewil.  I know we could be wrong, but just from the signs we see, we both have no doubt he has several girls online he is stringing along.  I hope we're wrong, but I'm afraid we are not.  We even tried talking to her about that possibility and she wouldn't hear it.  We're totally wrong about him, he is prince charming in her eyes and going to save her.  The problem is, even if he is prince charming there is only one thing to save her from...herself and I don't see that happening.

Here's the update.  She finally spoke to my DH Saturday, because we were gone and she wanted something.  She had been texting me asking for permission to do things and I told her Thursday night that she knew the rules, text her Dad first and ask.  I would only give her permission, or not, if he wasn't available.  (That's how we have been doing it the whole time.)  I told her that I knew she was mad at him, but that didn't change her rules.  So Saturday, she finally asked him something so when we got home, she spoke to him.  She's still giving him the cold shoulder, but she's speaking a little to him at least now.

Then Sunday she comes downstairs and says her Mother wants to know if she can have her over Spring Break to take her to Disney.  DH told her that he didn't have a problem with it as long as SD wasn't going (long story and has been the rules with Mother).  She said he wasn't and I piped up and told her that we needed to speak to her Mother first.  I was afraid this was a ploy to go to NY because she knows her Mother and her Dad do not speak unless they have to.  So DH talked to her Mother and it was true and SD wasn't going, just her and SD.  So DH said yes.  I was a little reluctant because I feel like she is getting rewarded for bad behavior, but it is also her Senior year and it's her Mother...so I left it up to DH.  Honestly, now I'm feeling kind of selfish because we could use the break for a week.  Since she can't spend the night with her Mother because of SD, we have had her since the first of November, 7 days a week and it's been a very stressful few months with her.   I do think it will be good for her and her Mother to spend a week together...they need to work on repairing their relationship too.  Hopefully, this will help.  The fear is that SD will be dogging us the whole time and M will be agreeing with, which is normal for them and undo any good we have done the last few months.  Time will tell.

[luise.volta]

P - I gotta' tell you that I am so impressed with your combined wisdom and committment. That kids is so lucky to have you in her corner. Some day  she may realize it. No, not now. You are her closed-minded jailers, now.  Sending love...

[Pooh]

I hope for my DH's sake she does.  I believe the proper term was, as she called him the other night. "The Mayor of looney town."  Jokingly, laying in bed last night, he was being all goofy and I said, "I swear...you're so crazy."  He told me I was grounded! 

[constantmargaret]

Let me see if I have this straight.

Your step-daughter's  first choice is to have a fling over spring break with an older man and look for an apartment in NYC,
and her second choice is  a trip to Disney?



Kids. Gotta love 'em.
Thank God she has you.

[Pen]

Thinking of you and your DH, Pooh. I agree, your SD is very lucky to have you.

[shorewil]

Keep up the good work ,Pooh ! Stay sane- hope that you two do get a "week off"  !

[Pen]

I understand wanting the week off; DDD can't come home for weekend visits if she misbehaves for her care providers during the week. Some weeks I don't know what to pray for, lol. DH & I really enjoy our alone time as much as we love our DD.

[Pooh]

It's like we talk about here with MILs/DILs/Family Members/Etc.  When there are big issues, even the little stuff that is said will set you off.  I almost went off on her last night for something small she said.  It wasn't a big deal on it's own and I would have just shrugged it off if everything else wasn't going on.  I did manage to catch myself and not comment.  We bought two cool, new, bright red recliners that were delivered yesterday.  DH got a leather one and I got a cushy, comfy one.  We joked we were doing it for Valentine's day because they are red, but we've been looking for awhile.  She walked in the door, looked at them and said, "Great.  New weird furniture."

I mean I almost launched.  I think that's what I'm looking forward to for the week.  No little digs, constant whining, griping about everything...Lol.  I need the break before I do launch over something small.  Or she needs the break before I do launch over something small. 

[luise.volta]

Catching that and yourself was no "small" thing, Pooh! Good for you! Yes, a "time out" will be a many-splendored thing! Bright red recliners? Happy Double-Valentine's Day!!! 

[artlady]

wow 200? That is unreal and sounds like a scam for sure , I do hope she wakes up before it is too late and doesn't go to NYC. How far are you now from there , jsut wonderiing if boyfriend would encourage her to go anyhow ? NYC for an 18 year old is too much for them too many things that is there not good for them. I will keep you in my thoughts.

[Pooh]

Yes Luise...I knew I was officially getting old when I was excited about a recliner! Lol.

Thanks artlady.  We are 13 hours away from NY.  BF is encouraging her to come up there to college, so I wouldn't doubt he's encouraging her to come up their spring break.  I don't know that for sure, but I wouldn't doubt it.