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what happens now?

Started by bettylou, April 16, 2010, 03:39:28 pm

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bettylou

I have told some of the things I have done wrong, warts and all.  I did apreciate every response I got even when it made me face up to being imperfect, and pushy.  I accept that I have done some things wrong and I have admitted it and apologised to my son and daughter in law many many times trying to make it work.  I am at a loss, this is me throwing my hands up.  What is the next step for me now?  That is what I need to hear a directive on what happens now.  Do I just hang in there and hope it gets better?  Do I show up at their home and try to find out what is going on?  Please tell me how to make a change.

luise.volta

So often no matter what we do, others do what they do. We can apologize but when we are willing to change, we need support and acceptance. You probably need to factor in their attitudes and wait it out. Showing up might make it worse. Just some thoughts. I know that they don't give you an answer (because, unfortunately, I don't have one.) Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

elsieshaye

Bettylou, it's really good that you were able to hear everything that was said here, and that you recognize that it was meant kindly even if it was hard to hear.  That's a huge thing all by itself. 

I think Louise is right about waiting it out.  Showing up might be perceived as more of the same thing that they feel they've been trying to tell you about.  Give them some time to calm down, and wait for them to come to you.  It might not be very quick, but it will happen, if they feel like you are taking their requests and concerns seriously.



This too shall pass.  All is well.

MLW07

Quote from: elsieshaye on April 16, 2010, 04:15:26 pm
Bettylou, it's really good that you were able to hear everything that was said here, and that you recognize that it was meant kindly even if it was hard to hear.  That's a huge thing all by itself. 

I think Louise is right about waiting it out.  Showing up might be perceived as more of the same thing that they feel they've been trying to tell you about.  Give them some time to calm down, and wait for them to come to you.  It might not be very quick, but it will happen, if they feel like you are taking their requests and concerns seriously.


Ditto.  Sending hugs your way BettyLou.

Pen

Betty, I'm very proud of you. You've been through so much; there's probably more to come, but you are being proactive instead of reactive and that's better for you and for the situation. I've learned a lot from all the discussions your posts have inspired. Thanks for sharing your story and your pain. Best wishes.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb