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room for me?

Started by dirtyglassgrl, April 09, 2010, 01:20:46 pm

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dirtyglassgrl

Hello everyone,
  I came here to try to get some insights into some of the relationships in my life.  I wanted to tell you all that I do like the forum here better than most I have seen because it seems to be very calm and pretty inclusive. 

I will tell you a bit about myself.  I am divorced and I still visit with my former inlaws from time to time eventough ex husband abused me.  I feel ok about seeing them because they did not abuse me and they did not divorce me and they have no contact with  their son anyways.

I am remarried. My husband comes from a divorce as well and as both his parents have remarried I have two sets of inlaws.  There is a set of in laws that I enjoy spending time with and things are comfortable and relaxed and there is another set of inlaws that I have had a very hard time dealing with.  There was a alot of rejection of me from them and somehow things have gotten very out of control and it is now time for me with a clear head to sit back and say "how did this happen?"  "what went wrong?"  "what part do I play in dealing with the outcome?"

These are the things I am dealing with and hoping to get help with.  Thank you

2chickiebaby

I'm glad you're here, dirtyglassgirl....I just know someone will be able to help.  Welcome to our group.... :)

willingtohelp

Welcome, I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

luise.volta

Welcome - I'm moving your post out of "Open Me First" and under the Son and DIL  topic heading where it will more likely be read.

Can you come up with one situation and ask what it is you would like help with? Thanks.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

dirtyglassgrl

Thanks for moving me to the right place!  And thanks for making this site!  I listed a few examples of things that were said/done that made me feel it was impossible to have a relationship with my DH's father and his new wife.  But I will give a bit of background here as well as you have said.  My DH's father is a great person, he loves his church and his son and my kids deeply.  He works very often and does not usually have time to enjoy himself.  His wife however stays home all day calling people with gossip every hour or so, trust me I know because she used to call me with it then when I said enough, it turned to all be about me, she even called my mother whom she had only met twice to ask her why she thought it was a good idea to raise me in the religion I am in.  I was told my place of worshp looked like a circus and that my services are ugly and awkward, she knows we are raising our children in this rite as well, and will degrade it infront of them too.  She has accused me of being dysfunctional and liar when I expressed my disaproval of driving under the influence or not using car seats.  I was told that my kids were not normal and not behaving and that they must have severe mental problems.  In short she is a toxic person, to us and our family and she has been ignored by us for years.  Dh's father will not see DH with out her around so they an not reconncet.  Do I swallow more nasty from this woman so she can play grandma to my dd while ignoring my other kids?  Just so DH can see his dad?

Pen

DGG, I don't know. My stepmom is cruel to me and I've had to limit my exposure to my dad because of her. I'm sure my dad is hurt, but he made the choice to marry this woman and never stepped up to support me or my sibling when she criticised us or treated us badly. As a mom who misses her son due to a controlling DIL, I feel the pain of parents who don't get to see their children, for sure, but this lady sounds really rude and hurtful not just to you but to your children.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

I feel the same way. Self-respect is an important ingredient for leading a well-balanced life and abuse is destructive.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

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