It finally happened

[firelight]

I haven't visited in several days because I have been going through hell on earth. 

I now have my GD.  I picked up my DD a few days back and took her to a fast food place because that is the only way I could get her away from her husband.  Some that have remembered my old posts know that my DD and SIL lived in a "boarding house" that looked more like a drug house to me. They also had my 1 yr old GD in there with them.  I had tearfully called Child Protective Services once in the recent past and still don't know what came of that.....anyway, I was full of regret about that but no more because my gut feeling was right. 

In the car I calmly and gently offered to take my GD till DD and SIL can "get it together" and I also offered to let DD come back home if she wanted to.  I didn't know how she would react to the actual offer but she began to cry.  She told me "I've been wanting to come home....but, Mom, I'm sick."  "I need to get clean but I don't know how."

I brought my DD and GD home with me that night and then to Hospital ER to get my DD help for withdrawal symptoms.  She had just did drugs that morning.  I found out my DD is seriously addicted to Oxycontin (obtained on the street).  On the way to ER she told me she wanted me to go in with her and since I was, she wanted me to know "there's more and it's worse" than what she just told me.  She proceded tearfully to tell me she's been shooting heroin with my SIL.  I can tell you next to a funeral (which I'm grateful I am not having to attend right now), this is the worse news a mother can get. 

If anyone has ever held their child in their arms while they go through physical (and psychological) withdrawals from these hard core drugs knows it would not be wished on any other soul.  The tears she and I have both cried in front of each other and silently in seclusion are beyond measure. The ER gave her some meds for the night to "get through" which is really antianxiety meds that barely touch the symptoms but better than nothing....then we went to an express care the next day to get her though the 10 days it took to get into rehab ...they gave her antianxiety and meds for nausea and vomiting.  There are cold/hot sweats and uncontrollable shaking, uncontrollable diarrhea, also severe bone and muscle pain, but mostly bone.  These withdrawals go on for many days.  I never want to witness this again.  The reason it's been so hard to stop the drugs is because of these hellish withdrawals that I never understood till I saw it with  my own eyes.

The next night, I had to work and had to leave on my rare time I get a lunch and had to take my SIL to the ER for the same withdrawals.  He did not get the pleasure of support however since I had to return to work.  This is a horrible nightmare.

My daughter has admitted herself to rehab and that took time also....one has to wait for an opening that sometimes takes several days.  My SIL has an appt on the 30th to go also.  They must go separately because they do not allow husbands and wives to be treated at the same time (wierd).  One must complete while the other waits. 

I am praying AIDS or hepatitis has not been contracted and I believe this addiction will be a lifelong battle for both of them. 

My gut feeling was right and I do not regret calling the child protective services now even though I don't know whatever became of that call.  I know my DD did tell me while confessing and crying that "I don't want to lose my daughter."   

My DD and my SIL are bags of bones as they did not eat much during the years (yes, I said "years" I found out) of using.  I only noticed the changes as they both got worse in their addictions.  Thank God my GD is healthy and well and nothing happened to her during this horror even though I know it is affecting her since she is now with me and my SIL's aunt back and forth...probably wondering where's mommy and daddy. 

I can say even though my DD has a mind of her own, I still feel like a failure somehow.....My sensible side says she made her own choices but another side says what did I do or what didn't I do.....

I have a headache.

[elsieshaye]

Firelight, I'm so glad your daughter's in treatment.  Sending you lots of strengthening thoughts.

[luise.volta]

You aren't alone...we are with you 100%. You didn't do it. Life involves leaving childhood and becoming an adult and we can't do that for them. We are also not responsible for their choices and the lessons they learn or don't learn. When I thought that I was to blame for my eldest son's plight, what helped me most was a Catholic priest who told me I wasn't that powerful and only my ego could think I had that much influence. It was a sort of reverse kind of help but it saved my bacon at the time and there have been many times since then when I have said to myself..."Let it go, you're not that powerful...you did not cause that. Don't make things worse by trying to take it on." Whew! What a relief!

[Shelby]

Firelight - my heart aches for you - I'm just glad your daughter and that baby have you to turn to. 

[pam1]

Firelight, well wishes to you and your family.  I as well am glad you're there for them.  And we are here for you.

[shorewil]

I know that you will take good care of that baby !Make sure that you get all legal rights as her guardian right now and keep her life as normal as possible. I also know that it must be the hardest thing you have ever gone through- but to try to see the light at the end of the tunnel- maybe a lot of good will come from this. You are an angel

[Pen]

Firelight, best wishes to you all. It will be tough, but it's possible to get through this & emerge into a better life. Please keep posting here, we care.

[Pooh]

Big, huge hugs to you firelight.  What a difficult situation for you, but I am hopeful that since they are both admitting it, good things will come in the future.

[jewels]

As a recovered person myself, there is hope! And even though it may look bad right now, your daughter is taking steps in the right direction. Be glad for that! People change once they get sober and clean & work very hard at becoming better people. I think good things are coming your way. Don't get discouraged or give up!

God Bless All. . .Jewel

[lancaster lady]

Heard of the saying ''what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ''
I hope it's true for all of you ...
Sending hugs ...

[nikncon]

 :'(Dear Firelight.Your DD is lucky to have a mom like you.DD has a long way to go in treatment.Hopefully she will stick to it.And cherish that precious GD .She is very lucky to have a GM who will love and protect her.Hugs.

[firelight]

Thank you all .....each of you are very comforting to me. 
@luise:  your words taken from the priest was a great and humbling eye opener for me.  Thank you very much for sharing that.  It gives me a new perspective and saves my bacon too.

@jewels:  you are giving me hope.  She calls me periodically and today she sounded the very best she has in years.  She's glad she made her choice to clean up and she's getting some wonderful counseling as well as medical and psychological health care.  She will be discharged to outpatient rehab on the 29th which will involve 3 times a week at 2-3 hrs a whack for a while.  We will get her there somehow and that doesn't include the meetings she will be advised to attend (narcotics anonymous).  She is missing her baby.   We get to go visit tomorrow and their is a family counseling session....for the benefit of the family who's gone through hell with their addicted loved one.  Even though this is very painful, I do believe she is headed in the right direction.  SIL is very depressed and can hardly wait to get into his rehab which begins the day after she comes out on the 30th....their 3rd wedding anniversary.  Maybe their next anniversary will be a far cry for the better from this one.  He is still experiencing some withdrawal symptoms.  I am astonished how long these last from such horrible drugs.   I have given him as much encouragement as I can as he has no support system (probably due to all his prior actions).  That worries me a little for him but right now I am concentrating on my DD and GD.  I will do what I can to help each both DD and SIL (i.e.  give him a ride to rehab, etc)  as long as they're trying to help themselves.   I know to fix their family means starting with themselves first.  I'm feeling a bit worn out, but hopeful and am trying to think positive.  On the bright side, she has had a lot of blood work done and is doing great so far with that.  It's a concern in the back of my mind of what could develop from it all, but so far, so good.   

You all are diamonds in the rough.  Thank you for responding.  I would hug each of you if in person.  Here's me hugging you WW in a group hug:  (((((WW)))))))!!!    You are a relief to have.   

[jewels]

Firelite - You would benefit from AlAnon meetings yourself. They're not just for people that have loved ones that are alcoholics. You don't want to be an enabler and it helps to have someone to talk to that's going through the same struggles as us. I wish you all the best in the recovery from this terrible addiction. Hang in there & don't give up!!  God Bless. . .

[Shelby]

Firelite - You would benefit from AlAnon meetings yourself. They're not just for people that have loved ones that are alcoholics. You don't want to be an enabler and it helps to have someone to talk to that's going through the same struggles as us. I wish you all the best in the recovery from this terrible addiction. Hang in there & don't give up!!  God Bless. . .

Firelite and Jewels - AlAnon can help just about anyone.  I have a friend who is married to a pack rat.  It drove her nuts.  She couldn't find a support group for family members of hoarders - so she tried an Al-Anon group.  They were very accepting and those meetings helped her deal with her situation - not unlike how this forum helps us deal with out situations.  A common thread is letting go.  Give it a try.  It's helpful for situations not related to alcohol.  It's a way of life.

[Smilesback@u]

I totally am a 12-stepper...the principles over personalities and all the rest are spiritual guidelines.  The best part of the program, is you do your own program, you don't run your program on anyone else.  You refocus on yourself, and do not have the excuse anymore to not live your life as you determine is best because your loved ones are *messing up*.  sending peace and assurance that life gets better.