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A guy's perspective.....gone.....

Started by justanoldgrandma, January 15, 2012, 09:14:59 am

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If the gentleman who wrote his post and then locked it is still on the forum, I hope he comes back...... I was so glad to read his perspective bc he said so many things that I would love to hear from my ds; it explains why ds gives in as he does, that he is hurt by not getting to spend holidays with us...... in his case, it's bc he loves his wife, can't fight a huge IL family and his wife's insisting/sulking/tantrums.....bc he loves his dd and will preserve his family; he was raised to put his nuclear family first but his dw puts her FOO first most of the time; whenever the FOO wants something, it happens w/o ds being consulted.....

DS never saw me be the controller in our family, sulking, bossing; he certainly didn't marry a woman like his dear old dad married, as the song goes...... somehow he didn't know there were selfish and bossy girls out there; he was naive when he met his "sweet" wife (she can still be sweet when she wants to); he married too fast, not seeing what he was getting into; "love is blind";.... he is a sensitive and kind guy.

DS is getting the drift w/o our interference; he no longer is going along w/o realizing what is happening...... gradually some bitterness is creeping into some of his comments; I wish controlling ladies would realize winning doesn't always equal their dhs loving and respecting them as much as being kind.

August, I won't go into your post point by point but I can tell you were hurt by your dh and his family; thus your opinions are based on your life's experiences........

Yes, a son can sometimes fight his wife, go visit his FOO and let her go to her FOO; but she will undoubtedly take the children with her.  DSs realize that and I, for one, don't want my ds and dil being split up so I give in (although not asked!) and don't complain to them although we are left alone.  I would love the entire family to want to see us, dil included, and gd, too....... with dil wanting to see us; but that won't happen bc her FOO rules.  So ds is torn, gradually realizing he is missing his own FOO in order to please his dw.

Yes, I was raised to let the dhs be the deciders although I always worked while raising the children.  Gradually I have become more assertive and dh has adjusted to my "feistier" attitude; we make decisions together.  We raised our son to be kind, respectful to his dw and her FOO; dil was taught that the woman rules and we see that in her FOO; the men's opinions don't count; it's a woman's world in that FOO.

BTW, if both FOOs are kind and giving, there is no reason they can't be friends with each other or why the dh or dw can't be friends with the other FOO; mutual respect and consideration can result in friendship.

I hate to see the Guy lock his post bc we clearly need a man's perspective.  Will look up Luise's site of men's perspectives that she posted that was designed by Kirk.

Hope the Guy wasn't made to feel unwelcome by any of us.


"I don't know one person who has shut out or cut off family that it wasn't well deserved."

I totally disagree with that; many parents/gps are cut off that are not dsyfunctional; all it takes is lack of consideration, jealousy, competitiveness......there are so many "reasons" for a cut off other than the person "well deserving" to be.



I think we have to remember this is only one guys perspective, he doesn't speak for every guy out there.  My DH has a totally different perspective. 

The thread is under review at the moment for a reason, as this one relates to the other I'm going to go ahead and lock it b/c it has some of the same elements that are under review from the other thread.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift