March 28, 2024, 10:28:01 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


I have been invited to Son's house

Started by Marilyn, April 15, 2010, 05:15:11 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Marilyn

I have good news!!!  I talked to my son on Easter,and of course my Grandkids.Both of my Grandsons were beging me to come see them.They are  to little,to understand it takes 6hrs to get there,they think i can just get there in a few minutes.My son invited me up,and even offered to send me money for gas,because i have been laid off since July.But i turned down the offer on gas money,i dont feel right about doing that.I recieved a check from my mortgage company,over payment of escrow,so i will have enough money for gas.But i thought it was very thoughtful of him to offer anyway.Since i am laid off,i'm going to try and spend a couple of weeks with them.It will just depend on my DIL's mood.She has been very pleasant the last three times we have been together.

I cant wait to see my Grandkids!!!! I will probably go the first of May.Woohooo!!!

Mystic

Dear Mominwaiting,

This is good news.  I am so happy for you!  How long has it been since you have seen them?  How old are you GK's?

Congratulations!  I know you will have fun...

Marilyn

Thank you Mystic,and welcome to WWU.
I have not seen them since Christmas.My Grandkids are 6,5,and 3 1/2.
Two boys and a girl.They just warm my heart!!!

I always have just a blast with them too.

Mystic

I know you will have a blast with them!  I can tell this is good news.  You must be excited.

Marilyn

April 15, 2010, 06:00:22 AM #4 Last Edit: April 15, 2010, 06:02:31 AM by Mominwaiting
I am very excited :) :) :)

They fight over who is going to sit by me at the dinner table,who's going to get to sleep with Gramma.The 5 yrs old already asked if i would lay by him every night.........they are so cute!!!

Marilyn

Thank you Anna,I am really looking forward to my stay with them.
I made a tote bag with thier pictures on it.And every time i go visit,i have a little treat or toy to give them every day.I cant believe how much they look forward to that,it is just little inexpensive things,but they say "what's in your Gramma bag today?" And they just love that!


Marilyn


dirtyglassgrl

Hey that's great news!  You sound like a really awesome grandparent!  I bet they can't wait to see you!  I am happy for you for your upcoming trip.  I think it is great.  If you are going to stay at your son and DIL's home I would call and see if there is anything that they would like you to bring with you, that always makes hosts feel good.  If you are going to stay a few weeks with them it can get tense with DIL, maybe when you are coming up with stuff to do with the kids she can be asked to join....Like "hey DIL I bought all these pots and seeds thinking we can show the kids how to do a little garden, what do you think?"  I think it would be win win either way on something like that, if she doesnt want to you can still do it and if she does want to great, work togethor.  I think you will have a great trip make sure you can spend as much of it as possible having fun with kids and your son! 

Hope

MIW, that's great news!  I'm so happy for you!  :)   I wonder if you considered asking dil what you can do to make this a pleasant trip or what her expectations are?  I know I'm not good at determining the best way to word it, but wondered if it might make your visit more pleasant.  I love your gramma gift bag idea and your gc sound adorable!  Have fun!
Hugs, Hope

Marilyn

Thanks every one for your warm thoughts.

Well,when i talked to my son on Easter,i told him i would be up in a couple of weeks.He said just let me know.So i called........and like always got the machine,left a message.No response,so i sent an e-mail,telling him i was wanting to come up this weekend,and would one of them let me know if it was still OK.No response..........so i wrote a letter telling them how excited i was about getting to see the kids,and so looking forward to spending Mothers Day with my two sons,and that i couldn't even remember the last time that was.....17yrs?I said i would be leaving on Fri,and didn't know if they read their e-mail every day,so i wrote them a letter.My YS knew about my plans,and was looking forward to spending Mothers Day with me.

Well,i received an e-mail from my son,saying they just had too much going on.And it would be best to come up in June.This is the first e-mail i have ever gotten a reply from.......ever!And i know he didn't write it,not his style of wording...........but it was a reply.Thankful for that.

I e-mailed back,saying i understood,and that with all the stress of no job,no options............i was just needing some family time..............was looking forward to seeing them in June.And to keep me in the loop,i needed that.He does not initiate any contact with his side of  family.........He is not the son i once knew.


So i called YS told him,he said Mom,it's always,always some thing.Thats why i dont even try any more,tired of the rejection.............he lives 10-15 mins from them.Called for 9 months.......no return call.So he said come on up we can still have Mothers Day together.It will really do you some good to get out of the house,and i will make room for you.I will call brother,tell him your here if he wants to take time on Mothers Day to see you,fine,if not we can have fun together.

I need much  input about this.

If i go now,which i feel i should,because YS really has no room for me, has two room mates,financially struggles.........but he is showing me he cares and loves me.I dont want to make him feel he is not as important as OS with the GC.I probably wont have enough money for gas again in June.
And,I'm afraid if he calls his brother,and tells him I'm there,my DIL will be upset if he decides to spend the day with me.If we dont tell him I'm there...........he might get mad too..........I'm not sure what to do.

Marilyn

Anna,i am going!I'm scared my DIL will be upset,if YS calls OS and ask him to spend the day with me.

I dread any drama.

Marilyn

Luise,Postscript,Glitterati,Creme,any one else have some input? :-\


Pen

Oh, MIW, I feel your anguish over this! I'd say go, and let OS make his own decision about whether or not to spend time with you. Why couldn't it just be a couple of hours and not the entire day with OS? Lunch, or coffee, or something that will still allow DIL to have time with him too? YS deserves to see you and has graciously invited you. He can have the bulk of your time.

Worry about June later. Who knows what will happen? Imagine the gas money being available, and it will show up (my friend lives by this belief and just inherited a boat-load of $$$.)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Hope

MIW,
I hope it goes well.  Think of what could go right and picture a positive outcome in your mind.  If ods doesn't spend any time with you, try not to let it spoil your time with your yds.  I think your yds is so sweet to care so much about your feelings - it just shows what a good mom you really are!  He needs your attention, too, and I'm so glad you plan to visit him.  Sounds like you have a long drive ahead of you - will you be going alone?  You are a courageous mom - nothing can stop you!  If you are driving alone, may I suggest an audio book from the library for the ride?  Please be careful - you are precious!
Here comes some big hugs.  Hope

Marilyn

Thank you so much Penstamen and Hope.I will just go and enjoy my visit with my YS,if OS comes over thats Fine.But if not,i still will have a wonderful time.

And yes Hope,i'm going alone..........every one tells me how brave,courageous,and strong i am.But i have been having some major melt down moments.Unemployed,for almost a yr,no family here for support.I have never in my whole life ask any one for money.I'm going to have to sell my home,and i'm moving closer to my best friend.I have her love and support.

Penstamen,i like your suggestion.I will live by the belief the money will come...........i like that!

Hugs to every one