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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Big News!

Started by tryingmybest, January 03, 2012, 05:30:43 am

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tryingmybest

gonna be a grandmother! still finding being a MIL a big challenge so this scares me a bit, any advice right out of the gate. my DIL is due this spring. what do you wish you'd done, or not done?

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pen

TMB, congratulations. Haven't had the opportunity to make GP mistakes yet, so can't help you there, lol. You'll be fine; the wise GMs here will steer you right.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Congrats! Put her in the lead and follow. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

pam1

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Distressedmom

Congrats!!  As a GM with 9 GKs all I can say is love them.  Accept you DIL as much as possible, don't offer advice unless asked for and make her feel a part of your family.  We don't have to love our DIL/SIL but for the sake of our GC we do need to get along with them. If they are truly wrong or bad people it will show soon enough and if not you might just find you can love them too.  I really disliked my SIL at first but he is now more of a DS to me than my own DSs

Begonia

Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)

FAFE

Yah!  Another sweet bebe on the way!  I'm with the others, don't give advice unless you're asked.  I always add, but you might want to see what the doctor says.  Most counts, I've been dead on with what I said. 

Doe

Quote from: luise.volta on January 03, 2012, 11:35:07 am
Congrats! Put her in the lead and follow. Sending love...


I read this as "put the baby on a leash and follow" but as I re-read this, I'm thinking that might not have been the message?

Put the DIL in the lead, right?    :D :D

phillek

Congratulations!!  I'm a DIL and I can tell you that if your relationship with DIL and/or DS is already on shaky ground it can get much, much worse if you don't follow the above advice to refrain from giving unsolicited advice.  Sorry, but this includes body language and between-the-lines hinting advice as well.

As long as baby is safe, then whatever mom and dad decide is just the perfect thing.  If you can restrain yourself, you might find yourself answering a lot of questions once they get comfortable :)

Also, if you don't want to do something they ask, just say no.  But if they don't ask you to do something you want to do, don't guilt them or try to make them ask you.  I think that covers it.

I know you probably have been on this side and already know this stuff.  You'll be great!!  Congrats again!

herbalescapes

Congratulations!  If only we could provide a list of dos and don'ts that would guarantee a happy expanded family...

Say a prayer, keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best.  You've read enough other stories to know a lot of dos and don'ts, and you also know that what works for one family doesn't work for another.  Or what works for one family member won't work for another.  Feel better?  I sound like the voice of doom, don't I?  Really, I mean to sound like the voice of optimism.  Put the past behind you (even if they can't) and assume the best.  Sometimes we are self-fulfilling prophecies, so make sure that prophecy is a good one. 

Good luck and keep us updated. 

lancaster lady

congratulations !

Buy some duct tape !!

:) :)

sesamejane

Advice?  Enjoy enjoy enjoy !!!


I guess I would add to "stand by your self."  Be your own best mother, friend.  Learn to say 'no' if you feel disrespect developing.  Do not feed emotional blackmail if used against you with respect visiting the gc.

I am happy for you...

tryingmybest

Thank you Wise Women! Getting excited. ;D