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The Glorious CBF

Started by 2chickiebaby, April 11, 2010, 02:21:46 pm

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2chickiebaby

Rose, I wanted to ask you about your son?  How is he doing? I hope he's doing well.  :)



Quote from: RedRose on April 13, 2010, 06:50:24 pm
1Glitterati,

I don't know what you  want me to say here...it happened
None of us can do today over...it is what it is
I hope it never happens again
I respect your opinion...
We are only human and can't always be perfect.
I would like to go back to reading the concerns of the wise women here and the advise we offer out of concern and compassion for each other.

1Glitterati

Quote from: RedRose on April 13, 2010, 06:50:24 pm
1Glitterati,

I don't know what you  want me to say here...it happened
None of us can do today over...it is what it is
I hope it never happens again
I respect your opinion...
We are only human and can't always be perfect.
I would like to go back to reading the concerns of the wise women here and the advise we offer out of concern and compassion for each other.


Rose...you are certainly right that this site offers concern and compassion many times.  Sometimes what it offers isn't concern and compassion---it's enabling. 

When someone does something bad or wrong or misguided or even stupid, we can hold them accountable and still love them.   When we don't hold those around us accountable to their actions and the consequences of those actions it isn't compassion.  It's actually very damaging because it only encourages more bad behavior.

RedRose

Thank-you for asking Chicky
He is doing ok...waiting for his divorce to be final
He wants to move on with his life so bad.
I  have helped him take care of his son a few times on the days he has him
My grandson is such a joy.

Postscript

When someone does something bad or wrong or misguided or even stupid, we can hold them accountable and still love them.   When we don't hold those around us accountable to their actions and the consequences of those actions it isn't compassion.  It's actually very damaging because it only encourages more bad behavior.

Glitterati1 is right.  This site has been brought into disrepute and it's safety has been compromised as a result. Poor Luise

What and how people choose to express there, should not be brought back here nor should it be question how they can be allowed to say such things, freedom of speech is guaranteed by the constitution.  Why was it? What was the intent in going there?  Especially after being asked multiple times not to? 

No we can't undo what is done, but we can and should understand it, so that history does not repeat.





2chickiebaby

Divorce is so hard on everyone. I hate that it had to come to that. I know how precious those Grandbabies are. They
are my heart.




Quote from: RedRose on April 13, 2010, 07:16:00 pm
Thank-you for asking Chicky
He is doing ok...waiting for his divorce to be final
He wants to move on with his life so bad.
I  have helped him take care of his son a few times on the days he has him
My grandson is such a joy.

Pen

People grow and gain insight in their own time. It's not for us to be brutal towards someone who is not growing as fast as we think they should. We offer support and gentle insight that is either ignored or acted positively on; it's not our place to denigrate.

Learning happens when stress is absent; you can't be sarcastic, mean, and brutal and expect growth to happen. Enabling means you make it possible for someone to stay stuck. I don't think anyone here has ever said, "Don't look inside yourself; don't ever change; stay stuck in your pain and misery."

BTW, what little I've seen on the other site is often inflammatory and snarky, not to mention joking about physical violence towards MILs. I think we all need to look at ourselves and be very honest about how we communicate. What kind of people do we want to be?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Postscript

Pen I get what you are saying, but I agree with Glitterati1 about accountablity.  When we bring up our children to take ownership of their wrongs and their mistakes.  I don't mind a mistake but I do mind when the person who made it tries to sweep it under the carpet.  Saying it could have happened to any one of us and back patting is not encouraging ownership.

I respect that Chickie stood up and said she did it.  She then however went on to excuse herself.  Ownership would be saying, I was wrong, my post was ill conceived. 

When I first posted here, I had a similar experience to Clover.  It was Coco who invited me back.

I really try to see both sides her, I think I have proved that over and over. 

RedRose

Quote from: penstamen on April 13, 2010, 07:27:36 pm
People grow and gain insight in their own time. It's not for us to be brutal towards someone who is not growing as fast as we think they should. We offer support and gentle insight that is either ignored or acted positively on; it's not our place to denigrate.

Learning happens when stress is absent; you can't be sarcastic, mean, and brutal and expect growth to happen. Enabling means you make it possible for someone to stay stuck. I don't think anyone here has ever said, "Don't look inside yourself; don't ever change; stay stuck in your pain and misery."

BTW, what little I've seen on the other site is often inflammatory and snarky, not to mention joking about physical violence towards MILs. I think we all need to look at ourselves and be very honest about how we communicate. What kind of people do we want to be?


Thank-you so much Pen....I agree

1Glitterati

April 13, 2010, 07:40:38 pm #83 Last Edit: April 13, 2010, 07:45:29 pm by 1Glitterati
Quote from: Postscript on April 13, 2010, 07:34:32 pm
Pen I get what you are saying, but I agree with Glitterati1 about accountablity.  When we bring up our children to take ownership of their wrongs and their mistakes.  I don't mind a mistake but I do mind when the person who made it tries to sweep it under the carpet.  Saying it could have happened to any one of us and back patting is not encouraging ownership.

I respect that Chickie stood up and said she did it.  She then however went on to excuse herself.  Ownership would be saying, I was wrong, my post was ill conceived. 

When I first posted here, I had a similar experience to Clover.  It was Coco who invited me back.



I really try to see both sides her, I think I have proved that over and over.


Exactly.  That's textbook enabling.  Maybe someone will listen if it comes from you.

ETA...the thread is now gone in totality, as if it never existed.  Maybe that will help things die down.

RedRose

Quote from: Mominwaiting on April 13, 2010, 06:55:25 pm
Chickie i have to agree with clovers post,and with Glitterati.


May i suggest you make a copy of the post you wrote on that other site, and take it to your therapist.

I dont want to hurt your feelings,but you might just be addicted to Drama.


Mominwaiting,

Maybe all of the 70-100 people that responed to Chicky need to take it to their therapists also..there was a lot of drama...you are right

Postscript

RR I know you think you are helping chickie by circling the wagons, but honestly, you aren't.  Chickie came a long way the other day realizing her sons love her.   I'd like to see her go all the way to happiness.  She deserves it.

Chickie was wrong to go there and post what she did.  That's it in a nutshell.  She stood up and faced it, and you turned her away from what she was seeing, then sucked her back into the vacuum of victimhood.  She can be a victim but she'll be much happier being a survivor.  Sometimes learning is hard.


Marilyn

Redrose,i didn't say that to hurt her feelings.............i just thought since she is going to a therapist,it would help her to understand why she feels the need to go to the other sites,when she doesn't get the support she needs there.All it ever does is cause them to come here and cause us problems.I didn't mean that any other way

Marilyn

And i agree with postscript,it does not benefit Chickie,she knows Luise doesn't like her going to the other sites,because she cares for Chickie very much.

RedRose

Postscript,

I don't agree with you and I don't believe she did anything wrong. What was wrong was how she was treated at that site.
Yes, I agree, Chickie knows her sons love her and she deserves all the happiness in the world.
I don't believe you are helping her at all.
The reactions of the dils here are surprising to me. Chicky has shown that  she cares about all of you so much.
You all need to think about this.

Postscript

I have thought Red Rose.  Nobody here is trying to do anything other than protect the integrity of this site and to help Chickie.  When I came here I was kicked out at one point and treated with open hostility so what makes people their reaction any worse than what I got when I came here?

You are free to disagree, not everyone subscribes to the facing the facts of life method of becoming aware.

I would ask you to ask yourself this:

Why did she go there? Why?

I for one would like to know the answer.