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The Glorious CBF

Started by 2chickiebaby, April 11, 2010, 02:21:46 PM

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MLW07

"CBF" is not cat butt face it is "can't be f*cked."  I agree no one should discuss what is going on each others sites.  You can't imagine the pain that me
and other DIL's have been handed from our MIL; just like I can never fully imagine the pain you all have been handed.  I my self have had to deal with a
very evil woman.  My husband is so hurt by his mom and his whole family...that he questions whether they ever loved him at all.  I am not inocent and have
contributed to the mess we are in, but in my DH's eyes and mine I/we have only tried to fix things and make things right.  I wish we could have a great relationship with my DH's family instead of a 2 year cutoff, but we can't.  I wanted nothing more than to have a MIL that was my friend and family, but she couldn't accept me having a relatinship with my family.  I was expected to dump mine all together.  My DH gave up after his mom told him its either her or us.  He said the choice was easy, although not easy to handle.

RedRose

The difference between that site and this site is that "here" Everyone (both mil, dil) is welcome. You can talk about anything and receive compassion.
If something is brought here from there it is usually a concept (something said there)  that person may see a need to discuss here. I have never posted there,ever. I know my views are very different. My comfort zone is here to post and discuss. We are only looking for answers.

I don't think we need to discuss a certain posters story from that site here...

And...that rule about them posting about our stories is very recent.

doormat

Quote from: penstamen on April 13, 2010, 08:14:17 AM
Doormat, it seems "the other site" encourages rude and hateful speech towards MILs...one category is called Frequent Fry-her, for example. Even the site name is inflammatory. I remember being shocked that the site was run by a psychology professional! It was so hateful. As a DIL and a MIL I couldn't understand the attitude of most of the DILs who posted. I never felt that way about my MIL or ex-MIL. The ex-MIL was really mean to me, but I never disrespected her or called her names. I tried to find common ground and kept on as if she weren't rude and hurtful.

We don't have anything like that here. We don't have rude names like Cat Butt Face for DILs expressions. We may discuss DILs rudeness and poor behavior, but we don't condone hate speech. I've not been there since I joined here, so maybe it's different now, but the feeling I got over there at the time was that DILs would just as soon MILs disappear whereas here most MILs would just like some access to their DSs and GC.

I may be a little blind to what's being said here since I do prefer this site, but what I know for sure is that Luise and Kirk were very careful to set this site up as a safe, positive place for communication, support and wisdom. Occasionally we might see frustration take an angry turn, but for the most part I think we've avoided the denigrating, harsh, uncompassionate tone the other site seems to have.


Once again-  It.  Is.  Not.  About.  You. 

Jerks come in all ages and sizes.   The oh-so-offensive frequent fry her section?  You should feel nothing but pity for those posters.  Those are the unfortunate souls who have MILs who have repeatedly and deliberately degraded, insulted, excluded and overruled so many times it's a wonder they haven't changed their names and relocated just to escape.

I don't know if this was her intent but your buddy's repeated rehashing of that site over here has made her a subject all her own. 

If you wanted attention, you got it. 

2chickiebaby

Quote from: doormat on April 13, 2010, 11:39:27 AM
Quote from: penstamen on April 13, 2010, 08:14:17 AM
Doormat, it seems "the other site" encourages rude and hateful speech towards MILs...one category is called Frequent Fry-her, for example. Even the site name is inflammatory. I remember being shocked that the site was run by a psychology professional! It was so hateful. As a DIL and a MIL I couldn't understand the attitude of most of the DILs who posted. I never felt that way about my MIL or ex-MIL. The ex-MIL was really mean to me, but I never disrespected her or called her names. I tried to find common ground and kept on as if she weren't rude and hurtful.

We don't have anything like that here. We don't have rude names like Cat Butt Face for DILs expressions. We may discuss DILs rudeness and poor behavior, but we don't condone hate speech. I've not been there since I joined here, so maybe it's different now, but the feeling I got over there at the time was that DILs would just as soon MILs disappear whereas here most MILs would just like some access to their DSs and GC.

I may be a little blind to what's being said here since I do prefer this site, but what I know for sure is that Luise and Kirk were very careful to set this site up as a safe, positive place for communication, support and wisdom. Occasionally we might see frustration take an angry turn, but for the most part I think we've avoided the denigrating, harsh, uncompassionate tone the other site seems to have.


Once again-  It.  Is.  Not.  About.  You. 

Jerks come in all ages and sizes.   The oh-so-offensive frequent fry her section?  You should feel nothing but pity for those posters.  Those are the unfortunate souls who have MILs who have repeatedly and deliberately degraded, insulted, excluded and overruled so many times it's a wonder they haven't changed their names and relocated just to escape.

I don't know if this was her intent but your buddy's repeated rehashing of that site over here has made her a subject all her own. 

If you wanted attention, you got it.

I think we're dealing with different classes of people.  I can't imagine a grown woman/Mother doing the things you said
were done to these women.  But, then I do undertstand because some of those things have been done to us...just not some
of the extremes like you've seen. Mostly we've been ignored and forgotten. (sometimes I think that's worse)

Classless people come in all age groups.  I don't think I realized that, living in a bubble of nice people and knowing only
people who genuinely wanted to love a new DIL.....I guess that accounts for the hatred coming from those places.  Maybe
their MILs don't have class?  That has to be it. 

doormat

sigh....you know you're the buddy to which i was referring to.....i could be wrong, but i'm betting everyone be happier if the 2 sites were kept separate and no one dragged their issues to hostile territory.  just a random thought. 

i'm outta here.  i'm totally drama'd out for the day.

Pen

Doormat, I can *sigh* too, but I choose not to because that would be rude and possibly hurtful. I can also use rude punctuation, but I choose not to for the same reason.

I wasn't comparing MILs and DILs, or saying one was better than the other. The tone of the two different sites was being compared, that's all. I think you've proven the point a lot of us are trying to make about communication differences. No drama coming from me!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Enough

Whomever stated that "jerks come in all sizes" hit the nail on the head.  It is unfortunate that some poster (yes I know who you are) chose to post on another site, insult everyone on it and then drag the carcass back here to dissect.

This seemed to be a site I could come to, and get good, well rounded advice.  But it seems that is not the case.  You (the poster who did it) have tarnished all the good, that many others on here have tried to accomplish. 

Shame on you.

Postscript

You know the other site doesn't encourage anything other than self expression.  People say things when they are angry or upset that they normally wouldn't.  A little compassion would go a long way when reading such posts.

Someone went there with an agenda and a closed mind, that now reflects upon us all, and badly.  The writing style and turn of phrase is all too familiar I'm afraid.  What that person did cheapens us all. Discussing a concept is one thing, going to another site with diametrically opposite views and spouting off is a completely different thing.  The poster that went there wasn't interested in learning anything, had she been, judging by many of the responses, she would have learned about some of the pain the other side suffer.

I won't be back to these boards, I will leave my account so friends can reach me via PM if they wish.  My advice to all is take a good look at your friends here, one of them has a big wooden spoon and uses it a lot.

No doubt the Personal messages will be flying now, perhaps I have lived up to the scuttlebutt that flew via personal message that I am from a hate site just here to stir up trouble.  I never was, but one of you is.

2chickiebaby

Postscript, I wish you would stay here and I am sorry that I've disappointed you of all people.

To all of you, of course, it was me....I used the name, "anonymousdonor" on there. 
I asked them consider that we were Mothers and to look at themselves in what they were saying. Then, when the rage began
I told them to look at themselves that they were like a bunch of rabid dogs. 

I want you to know that the webmaster banned me pretty early on.   So that won't be a problem anymore.  The problem is that one of the
posters put our sites name on there so they could click and see it.  They don't know I'm banned.  I emailed the webmaster
and told her that she might want to tell them that I was banned because surely all this publicity for this site would
not be good for business there but she has not done that.  They have royally told me off as you can see. 





Quote from: Postscript on April 13, 2010, 04:23:06 PM
You know the other site doesn't encourage anything other than self expression.  People say things when they are angry or upset that they normally wouldn't.  A little compassion would go a long way when reading such posts.

Someone went there with an agenda and a closed mind, that now reflects upon us all, and badly.  The writing style and turn of phrase is all too familiar I'm afraid.  What that person did cheapens us all. Discussing a concept is one thing, going to another site with diametrically opposite views and spouting off is a completely different thing.  The poster that went there wasn't interested in learning anything, had she been, judging by many of the responses, she would have learned about some of the pain the other side suffer.

I won't be back to these boards, I will leave my account so friends can reach me via PM if they wish.  My advice to all is take a good look at your friends here, one of them has a big wooden spoon and uses it a lot.

No doubt the Personal messages will be flying now, perhaps I have lived up to the scuttlebutt that flew via personal message that I am from a hate site just here to stir up trouble.  I never was, but one of you is.

RedRose

Chicky, any of us could have gone there and gotten the same results as you did. Did you ever get a civil answer?  All I saw was hate.  Putting you down for not knowing every one of there stories before you posted.(all 70 or so of them). I didn't read all of it.  I didn't see a lot of compassion...one reason I would never post there.  It's OK Chicky.

Pen

This has gotten way out of control. Let's be reasonable for a minute. Accusations are flying; but there are some things we know for sure.

When a site's name is inflammatory (no pun intended) it's not innocently encouraging free expression. Observe the graphics of that site and look at the name of this site compared to the name of that other site. Look at the category names on the other site compared to this one. The one time I stumbled upon that site (I was looking for help before I found WWU) it almost made me physically ill to read the hateful, violent things that were said about MILs who may or may not have been deserving. These are all observable.

We know Luise and Kirk, and Chickie too, set up this site to be an antidote to the negativity of other sites. They knew MILs had no place to go; we're a caricature or a joke on other sites; here we're valued as real people with hopes, dreams, and valid feelings. This is also observable by reading the mission statement and the category titles.

Chickie, I'm only sad that you put yourself in harm's way. You were just exercising your right to "freely express yourself" as the site claims to encourage, but that's not a safe place. I hope now you know where to stay for the kind, compassionate support this site gives everyone who comes in peace seeking support and wisdom.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

Thank you so much, Rose. I would  never want to disappoint you.  I got one civil answer out of the 70.  You can see,
and I hope you all do see, what they said.  No compassion. 

Now, they are really thrilled thinking you are all telling me off.  Someone finally told them I am banned and can't respond.
I wasn't going to respond anyway.  I did want them to see what they were doing, as one of the posters there pointed
out. 






Quote from: RedRose on April 13, 2010, 05:16:45 PM
Chicky, any of us could have gone there and gotten the same results as you did. Did you ever get a civil answer?  All I saw was hate.  Putting you down for not knowing every one of there stories before you posted.(all 70 or so of them). I didn't read all of it.  I didn't see a lot of compassion...one reason I would never post there.  It's OK Chicky.

2chickiebaby

Thank you, Pen.  I would never want to disppoint you either.  It is unbelievable what my post brought forth.

Anonymousdonor brought forth wrath like you  have never seen before.




Quote from: penstamen on April 13, 2010, 05:18:56 PM
This has gotten way out of control. Let's be reasonable for a minute. Accusations are flying; but there are some things we know for sure.

When a site's name is inflammatory (no pun intended) it's not innocently encouraging free expression. Observe the graphics of that site and look at the name of this site compared to the name of that other site. Look at the category names on the other site compared to this one. The one time I stumbled upon that site (I was looking for help before I found WWU) it almost made me physically ill to read the hateful, violent things that were said about MILs who may or may not have been deserving. These are all observable.

We know Luise and Kirk, and Chickie too, set up this site to be an antidote to the negativity of other sites. They knew MILs had no place to go; we're a caricature or a joke on other sites; here we're valued as real people with hopes, dreams, and valid feelings. This is also observable by reading the mission statement and the category titles.

Chickie, I'm only sad that you put yourself in harm's way. You were just exercising your right to "freely express yourself" as the site claims to encourage, but that's not a safe place. I hope now you know where to stay for the kind, compassionate support this site gives everyone who comes in peace seeking support and wisdom.

RedRose

And if the members here cannot see the difference in the 2 sites and want to leave this site for that one....then do they really want to be here? I don't know.

1Glitterati

Quote from: 2chickiebaby on April 13, 2010, 05:23:29 PM
Thank you so much, Rose. I would  never want to disappoint you.  I got one civil answer out of the 70.  You can see,
and I hope you all do see, what they said.  No compassion. 

Now, they are really thrilled thinking you are all telling me off.  Someone finally told them I am banned and can't respond.
I wasn't going to respond anyway.  I did want them to see what they were doing, as one of the posters there pointed
out. 






Quote from: RedRose on April 13, 2010, 05:16:45 PM
Chicky, any of us could have gone there and gotten the same results as you did. Did you ever get a civil answer?  All I saw was hate.  Putting you down for not knowing every one of there stories before you posted.(all 70 or so of them). I didn't read all of it.  I didn't see a lot of compassion...one reason I would never post there.  It's OK Chicky.

You didn't get a civil answer because you didn't make a civil post. 

I've lurked on this board and that one...and on many of the others you and Creme have been on over the years.  After all these years you are still saying the same things over and over and over again.  Both Creme and her dil finally seem to have made some progress...and that happened because Creme was finally willing to see how her actions were perceived and why they were perceived as such.

You should be ashamed of the poor light you have cast this site in.  You should be ashamed for creating a situation that Luise will have to mop up after--especially with all the REAL problems and issues and pain she has going on in her life right now.

I hope the regulars here will not blindly accept your woe is me, I didn't know what I was doing, I have no idea why they were mean to me whine.  You knew what was going to happen when you did it.  YOu kicked sand in another kids face and they fed you your lunch for doing it.

Get off the cross, we need the wood for something else.