The Holidays

[Kate123]

I tried not to let Christmas get to me this year-looking for some peace within and trying my best not to be jealous over what my ACs did without me. But I am glad it has passed.  Now I have been sorting through 35 yrs of family photos. I separated and boxed them up and will send them to my DS/DD as it is time to pass them on so they can show their children if they want. It was a two day job and I still keep finding more.
DS called me from the FOOs where they are spending the week, and it just doesn't bother me anymore. You do have to accept what you cannot change if you want to be content.

[luise.volta]

What a lovely, peaceful, healing approach. Good for you! Sending love...

[Doe]

Thank you, Kate.  I've been wondering what to do with all these photos.  Great idea.

[luise.volta]

When my eldest son died at age 52 of a sleep apnea induced stroke, I made an album of his life for the memorial. Starting with a picture of me very pregnant with him at age 21 and ending with a picture where he was with his granddaughter.

A few weeks later, I decided to do the same thing for his brother, who was/is alive and well. When I sent him his completed album, he was thrilled to be able to trace his life back that way and he cherishes the record of his life and the lives of those near and dear over the years.

Then I started sorting for my own album. Boxes of duplicates...and pictures of babies and people I didn't remember. Because my long life has been marked buy long marriages18 years, 18 years and 21 years (so far)...I sorted that way...starting out first with my childhood, of course. What I have is a chronology of my life that I can enjoy that will eventually pass on to my youngest son. All of those boxes of unmarked pictures are gone (that people have no idea what to do with when you pass on.)

A worthwhile project...to my way of thinking. 

[Pooh]

That's what I did too, after my divorce.  Sorted through pictures and made a box for each of the boys with many of their childhood photos, me and their Father's wedding pictures, etc.  One thing my Mom told me was not to burn all of those...Lol.  Regardless of what happened between he and I, we are still the boys parents and they will be important to them someday.  So they have boxes of pictures each now, and I don't have to look at my Ex!

[Kate123]

Well seeing all those photos made me very sentimental, even for my X. Now I feel tempted to think about recounciliation. My X had a problem being faithful, but outside of that we usually got along pretty well. My current BF is not a caring person as my X was, but I believe he is faithful. Something is missing from our relationship and it leaves a hole in my gut. Maybe the second time around is different.

Sometimes it is really had trying to figure out what you want in life. My ACs have hinted around in the past, I think trying to initiate something between me and X. Maybe just seeing all those photos is making me miss the happy times, so I am going to sit on this for a little while.

I will miss the photos, and I am hoping the ACs will appreciate them too.

[luise.volta]

I do the same thing. Pictures aren't usually taken of the bad scenes. I still love the guy I couldn't live with. I could forgive his infidelity but I couldn't trust him any longer. I actually did remarry him but it was for financial reasons. Our house sold and he wasn't eligible for the one time capital gains exemption. I was older by 7 years. So we remarried to allow him to get that benefit. However, he was still with the other-woman and it was a short term thing. That was 30 years ago. He told my DIL a few months ago that divorcing me was the dumbest thing he ever did in his entire life.

Surprisingly, it worked for me and my Val came along. You just never know!

[Beth 2011]

I am glad the Holidays are over.  I feel like it puts tremendous pressure on everyone.  It is like being put in a pressure cooker with the little weight on top bouncing all around getting ready to explode.  And Christmas has always been my fave holiday.  I am tired of walking on egg shells and wondering what if I say this or should I do this or that where my DS and DIL are concerned.  It is what it is.....if they want to be in our lives and see us, they will.  I just have too many others that count on me to keep it together everyday....day in and day out.  It still hurts but the show must go on and I have read alot of the different stories and I know I am not alone.  I just wish there was some kind of manuel that people were required to read in this day and age.  It used to be called common courtesy.....that has pretty much gone out the window.  I am grateful for waking up each day and doing what I need to do for my LO's and know I am loved by them.  I believe that is what it boils down to....affirmation.  Affirmation of love.  When I accepted the fact that not everyone is going to love me as my LO's..... I believe that is when my healing began.  I am trying not to take it personal.  Happy New Year to everyone. 

Ms. Luise I love the Miracle List.....I could use a few     

[Begonia]

Luise: Could we have a topic on the Miracle List?  I'm not quite sure about how it works, but I think there are a lot of us who like the idea and I would like to see a sharing if you think it would be appropriate.  Maybe you can give us some pointers to start?  Maybe one of the moderators can point this out to Luise if she isn't on this thread??  I believe in miracles....

[pam1]

Begonia, I'll start a topic on miracle lists in the Grab Bag

[luise.volta]

Thanks, Pam! I am visiting on the other side of the mountains for a week and the Mac Notebook I brought was a disaster for many reasons. I am now on Sonja's new, PC laptop and I am only comfortable and competent on an iMac desktop. Bummer!

I will do my best to write something under Grab Bag  I love it that so many of you are interested!

[Keys Girl]

Oh what a lovely day.......no Christmas carols in the grocery store, nobody asking me how I was spending the holidays with my family while I smile confidently and murmur some harmless "sweet nothing".........life is back to normal......I've got at least 11 months until I have to deal with this stuff until next year.......I may just find an island where they don't celebrate Christmas for next December and see if they have a spot for me.

Happy New Year to everyone,
KG

[tryingmybest]

My thoughts exactly. I truly hated them this year, extremely rough. I have seriously been thinking about a cruise for next year. I bet if Carnival advertised a "theme cruise" for Christmas it would be swamped! hey we've got some time to organize one 

[Pen]

So glad to have the holiday stuff packed away! I used to be sad to see it go, can you imagine?

[pam1]

I saw Valentine stuff at the grocery store yesterday LOL