borderline/ bi-polar son and DIL

[mixedmediamom]

does anyone else out there have diagnosed kids? My son was an amazing child and was voted rennasaince man of his 10th grade.
Then he developed bi-polar and began showing symptoms of borderline personality disorder. One of those symptoms is to alternately value and devalue those close to them.

last year his girlfriend, referred to as DIL, became pregnant. My son, who can barely take care of himself, is now a father. DIL began showing serious suicidal ideations, which was thought to be post-partum, but turns out to be bi-polar! Anyway, she is really
intelligent but she is also in crisis and becomes paranoid; I witnessed one of her episodes and it is terrifying.

A lot of mental illness and personality disorders are inherited. So my question is, how much of this behavior (in adulthood) is  inherited illness? In other words, who did we marry? My ex def had the same rapid cycling my son has now.

Two days ago my son told me, for the 5th time in a year, that he "just doesn't want me in his life". He also told me I was despicable and greedy (!).

Of course I am hurt... I found this website by googling  my kids hate me, now what??

[cocobars]

Hi mixedmedia, and welcome to this circle of wise women.  I don't have a diagnosed situation like this, but I know that if you keep checking back on your post here, someone will be through with news for you.  My son has a friend who is taking medicine for "bi-polar" depression and actually it is a really scary thing when he has gone off his medicine.  I've never witnessed it, but my son has told me about it and his friend has been very honest with me.  This man (my son's friend) is one of the most compassionate and understanding people normally.  I never would have know he had such problems.  He has grown up with my son and I've known him for years (he calls me mom).  I will make it a point of asking him what he knows next time he's here.  I hope that can help in some way, and hopefully will come back with some questions answered for you in the long run, in the meantime, you may also want to make an appointment for counselling.  Only because I believe a counsellor will be able to give you more information that you may need about this condition.  More than I could extract from my son's friend.

What you are going through is heartwrenching, and I wish I could be there to hug you in person.  I believe you have come to a wonderful place for support and understanding.  I also know how much it would hurt if my son ever said he didn't want me around anymore, and the fact that he and DIL both have this diagnosis would worry me.  You have found a place for alot of support and understanding from the wonderful women here!  Many of us here came into this forum in the same kind of pain, so please understand you are so welcome here and we will never turn you away, but we all work together here from many different perspectives, so you will have lots of company and opinions.  I hope that's music to your ears, because it's true. 

We are not experts, but women just like you who are offering support and understanding to eachother as a diverse group.  This site will give you a sounding board which I believe is so important.  It has been for me and I've found many friends here.

Welcome to your circle of friends!  I'm happy you found us and I think you will find lots of help here!  It was wise of you to search and I believe you will feel that - well, and the hug I'm sending your way!

[cremebrulee]

I totally agree with Coco, however there  are a few perspectives that I'd like to add...

example...my son's father was diabetic...I was very young, and scared to death....I had to learn to give him shots, we counseled with a doctor who was diabetic himself, and it was all about changing my lifestyle...change is very hard, especially for a young person...but I found, once I was being counseled, and talking to others who had the same disease, living with it, wasn't so bad....learning how to cook all over again...giving those shots, and reasearching thru this doctor brought understanding and realization that it was simply an illness...

No one asks for an illness, bipolar is an illness...they can't help it...they say things and do things that hurt, but they necessarily don't mean...everyday for them is a constant battle...they are very sensitive...and lash out when they believe they are disappointing others, or others have a different point of view.


It is self perservation...and I believe by going to counseling, might help you learn how to deal with it...and ignore the hurtful things they say and do...understanding an illness is accepting it and learning to live with it....

you'd be shocked at how many movie stars are bi-polar...Patty Duke is one of them and she wrote a book about dealing with it. 

Do a search for celebraties with bi-polar illness...do research on bi-polar symptoms...and work from there...understanding an illness can take a whole lot of fear and hurt out of they're reactions to situations...you'll understand them better and how to deal with it yourself....which will help a lot....

My heart goes out to you, and hope you will be able to persevere and be strong through this

know we are here for you, and thank you for coming in to share...your very brave in wanting change, and understanding...help is there for you, just reach out...and absorb all the information you can...

Hugs
Creme

[luise.volta]

Hi - Welcome to our extended family. For me, AAU often tells me what I most need to hear...that I'm not alone.

We can give you personal support and often that comes with deep understanding but I think you need serious professional help. Your son and DIL do, too, because they are obviously floundering and overwhelmed. Counseling and therapy and even crisis intervention is all part of that. For all of you.

Where my attention is drawn is to you. To your learning to live with this and surviving it because it isn't yours. It may feel like it is but you can't carry it or fix it. It's my suggestion that you find yourself an advocate that will help steer you though this experience.  Hurt comes whether the person doing the hurt is rational or not. I would like to see you seek serious professional help so this doesn't take you down. When that happens your effectiveness goes with it.

Sending love and prayers and all good things!

[mixedmediamom]

Thank you for the support and encouragement. I desperately need it!!

Part of what I was hoping to learn and (or) share was the possibility that many of our children have dis-orders that cause

them to behave this way. I am sure most of us have tossed and turned wondering what we did wrong and, of course, none

of us are perfect (!).  But before I was able to figure out how to join, which was a hassle btw, I was reading posts and thinking

'wow' these women have "crazy" kids too!

In my case it helps to mitigate the dire pain knowing he is ill , but not by much,which is why I need all of you.

[luise.volta]

Please tell me how it was a hassle to join and I will pass it on to our webmaster. We are using established forum software but maybe he can do something.

[Hope]

Luise, I just wanted you to know that this forum is awesome!  It's my first experience with a forum and I didn't have any trouble getting started.  I am so excited about how well it runs - the unread post option and all kinds of advanced features. I still haven't explored all the options, but I love what I have found so far.  You and Kirk are absolute genuises.  Love and hugs, Hope

[luise.volta]

Thank you so much Hope and I passed that on to Kirk, too!