Things Never Stay the Same

[Pen]

Thanks, Chickie. None of us deserve this. I'm feeling a bit stronger now, like I can try to get on with it; count my blessings, honor DH and DDD, finally love myself for who I am and not kick myself for being different than DIL & her family. It'll be hard since I'm good at putting myself last ("I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy" LOL)

[Sassy]

I'm only trying to help others see...and I've listened to the DIL who come in here and how they feel without taking offense...and once you can do that, your perspectives change.  I've seen DIL's come in here and post they're true feelings...some are off the wall, however, some are valid, but our prides refuse to listen to them and see they're points of view...and we attack them right away...and that isn't how we're going to learn....we must listen to them and discuss the issue...instead of being appauled that they've had the nerve to come into our little haven and post they're points of view....How dare they?  Well, I say, we need to listen and not take what they say as a person attack, but really listen if we want to progress, cause if we can get over that human insttinct to want to defend ourselves, we can now begin to listen.  And Learn...[/size]

I have been reading, checking in, more than I post lately.  Creme, just want to say that this paragraph you wrote really spoke to me.

It's why I sought out this site, to get a point of view different from the one where I'm standing.  And yes, reading the words of others, seeing things from a different point of view, having  true empathy with "the other side" is what allows us to see we're both trying to get on the same side. Sometimes we lose our way.  MIL is not my adversary, but she is someone I don't understand because she's not me, or very much like me.  If I don't understand her point of view, even for a moment, there will be no hope at all for us.  Taking a step to the right or left changes our point of view, while we still stand tall with our own two feet. 

Sometimes defenses protect us. Sometimes defensiveness can limit and isolate us.  We gotta learn when it's worth the risk of being a little more fluid.

This was a brave thread to post.  Relationships are ever changing, evolutionary.  What better to build our wise minds, than encompassing other points of view. You're sharing what you're experiencing, how its benefitting you, and I'm impressed and frankly I feel privileged to read about your process.  You've made me richer.  Thank you, Creme.

[cremebrulee]

Hi Sassy, thanks for understanding...I don't remember writing this part, but when I read it again, well, it didn't come out right, came out rather insulting I think?  I didn't mean it that way...however, it sounded pretty rough to me....you worded it they way I wish I could have written it...I used to be a pretty good writer, don't know what has happened...can't even write poetry any more...oh well, there are more important things.  I just don't want to hurt anyone here...I know all our situations are different...I just wish all of us, could somehow find a way, yanno?  Its heartbreaking to see so many people going thru this...life sure can give you a wallop sometimes...I know every person here would only like peace in they're lives...I wish it for them so much...life is to short.

My DIL is much different then me...I loved her so much when we first met, and we got along so well...I'm scared now...I don't want to hurt her...we discussed many issues...together, and I couldn't believe how I took her actions so wrong...I know it must have been very hard for her when they first married, coming into 2 new families and all...I think time has matured us both, and we both wanted to resolve things, however, I plan to walk slow with this....all I want is for us to get along....I have peculair ways myself...and I'm sure she feels like you do...but I'm goin gto really try to let her see, that I do care...


Sassy, I do hope things work out for you and MIL...and thanks so much for coming into post...I always enjoy reading you...