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Help ME! I'm Drowning

Started by cocobars, March 12, 2010, 04:50:10 PM

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2chickiebaby

consider prayers done, coco!!!

cocobars

Thank you.  I'm sick with worry.

cremebrulee

Your wise to be uncomfortable...how does your mother feel about this?  Did she tell them they could come out of a surprise request and she didn't have time to think about it. 

This is going to have to play out, it is what it is, there is no turning back...but after the visit, I would sit down and explain to y our mother that next time this occurs, whenever anyone calls and has a request like that, she is going to have to tell them, "hmmm, let me think about this and get back to you"...and then she has to discuss it with family first...

It's tough to say no to people, however, it's her house, and she has to understand, she doesn't have to allow anyone to come into her home that she feels uncomfortable with.

For now, it is what  it is...so, try and keep together and  I know you'll do well...just bite your tongue and hope it plays out ok...

Keep writing if you get angry and persevere....

Love to you

cremebrulee

by the way...I forgot to say, you have every right to be afraid...just stay on top of things...and don't allow your father to sign anything...don't allow these people to be alone with him at anytime....who knows, they may even bring papers with them, however, and please know, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, however, you must be ready for anything...and if things get bad, you can ask them to leave....but seriously talk to your mother before they come, and if they overstep boundaries, they must leave....

stand your ground...don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings, worry about protecting your mother and father...and you..for that matter...these people sound like intruders and users....

Many prayers going up for you....


cocobars

Quote from: cremebrulee on March 13, 2010, 04:47:15 AM
Your wise to be uncomfortable...how does your mother feel about this?  Did she tell them they could come out of a surprise request and she didn't have time to think about it. 

This is going to have to play out, it is what it is, there is no turning back...but after the visit, I would sit down and explain to y our mother that next time this occurs, whenever anyone calls and has a request like that, she is going to have to tell them, "hmmm, let me think about this and get back to you"...and then she has to discuss it with family first...

It's tough to say no to people, however, it's her house, and she has to understand, she doesn't have to allow anyone to come into her home that she feels uncomfortable with.

For now, it is what  it is...so, try and keep together and  I know you'll do well...just bite your tongue and hope it plays out ok...

Keep writing if you get angry and persevere....

Love to you
Yes, this was a surprise and my mother wasn't thinking at all about consequences.  She was just tickled that this cousin wanted to visit her.  My mother has never really been someone who thinks things through.

We put my little brother and his wife on speaker phone last night.  My father and I didn't really have alot to say.  She (my mother) wanted the visit and we all danced around the other stuff without getting into it, but we did later when she wasn't there.  I'm going to put her in a hotel near the metro station, so she can take it to go into DC and see sights.  She says her son (high school age) is doing a school project and needs to visit DC to write his project??  After my mother told her she could come, I think she knew that without hearing from my father or I she may have that invitation withdrawn, so she had called my little brother and wife even before my call to them.   Of course when I got them on the line, they had no idea what had taken place because she didn't tell them she had called here first (red flag or my imagination?), and she had asked them if she could stay with them.  Does she think we don't talk to eachother?  Anyway, we will put her up and then send her off next Sunday. 

So yes, we have all decided to "see how this plays out," and put her in a hotel so she doesn't get too close.  I hope I'm wrong about this.  It doesn't help knowing what happened to my Aunt and the rest of my father's sisters.  They are living in poverty now.  It's scary to think there are people like that in my family, and I certainly don't want her getting too close...

cocobars

I don't see that I can do anything about her getting "alone" time with them.  I am working on an assignment now and am gone all day.  My daughter is in school and my son is out until another week.  She's smart enough that if she wants to catch them alone, she can come through during the day when they are here alone.

I can't take time off of this assignment.  I'm just sick.

cocobars

My Aunt had no children, and her surviving sisters and my father were in her original will, before these cousins got involved.  They had her will changed and left his family suffering.  I have so many concerns here.  I'm just sitting and bawling.  I 'm venting.

I want to be wrong but I'm afraid I'm right.

2chickiebaby

All you can do is go over and over it with your Mom and Dad....maybe they won't fall for it if you do....hoping not, COCO!!

cocobars

March 13, 2010, 06:32:43 AM #23 Last Edit: March 13, 2010, 06:35:31 AM by cocobars
Orly, I have to thank you for your support and your understanding in your PM's.  I appreciate your advice and hugs and I feel very blessed by your attention to my own problem.  You gave me alot to think about and I hope you can post your story.  I don't think I'm the only one that will be faced with this.  I would hope it doesn't happen to anyone else, but realistically, I think it will and you have helped me, just by holding me up and understanding...

Chickie, I am going to try that.  I have to realize that I am working on this woman's past history and her sister.  I'm going to try to remind my parents about how his sister's are living.  My GC (good cousin) is barely support her mother and needs assistance from the state to do it, but she's a good daughter to her mother and is taking good care of her.  This woman was given nothing and was the original woman caring for my Aunt.  Growing up, I remember this GC had a very close relationship with the aunt who died and my grandmother.  I have felt so sorry for her (and my father did too), that when he got a check in the mail from these EC's (evil cousins) we sent her some of it, although it wasn't much - 6,000 is what we sent her.  My father's check was for 10,000.  His sister was a millionare (the aunt that died).  There is no reason I can think of for my aunts sisters to be cut off, other than the fact that they were disagreeing and trying to protect my aunt.  When the EC's moved my aunt in with them, they charged their bills from her money - even some medical bills for their son.  When she died, the took what was left and sent my father a check for 10,000.  I don't ever want to be rich like that, because I remember my aunt calling in tears over people fighting around her over her money.  She died watching her family get blown apart.  Her sister's have nothing now.  It's a scary situation for me to even think that they may be taking aim again - across the country...

cremebrulee

coco, is there a close friend or family member, or neighbor that you can explain this story to and ask them to come over and stay with your parents while these people are there....maybe you could pay them a little something for doing so...but someone should be there with them while these people are there...


cocobars

Quote from: cremebrulee on March 13, 2010, 06:35:50 AM
coco, is there a close friend or family member, or neighbor that you can explain this story to and ask them to come over and stay with your parents while these people are there....maybe you could pay them a little something for doing so...but someone should be there with them while these people are there...
I'm going to try to talk to my sister IL.  I'm hoping I can convince her to take some time off.  I don't want to drag this stuff out into the open with neighbors.  My job is just not negotiable for at least another month.  Once I comitted, I was in.

Marilyn

Coco,you have to be just worried sick over this.You said they called your little brother,and ask to stay with them.Can that be an option?And is your Mother's mental health still good?

cocobars

Mominwaiting, we did talk about that.  The problem is that my SIL would have to drive them in at 5:30-6am to drop them off somewhere and then pick them up again in the evening.  They live in another city not too far away, but far enough (about a 45 min drive) to make it hard.  That's why we thought the hotel would be better.  My Cousin can walk to the metro station and be on her own, without anyone driving the "cab" around for her.

She could still show up here when I'm not home and I don't trust that.  I don't know if my SIL can take any time off.  We may just have to take our chances.  I don't like that either.  I'm open to suggestions.  I'm actually hoping for them...

cocobars

Quote from: Mominwaiting on March 13, 2010, 07:02:40 AM
Coco,you have to be just worried sick over this.You said they called your little brother,and ask to stay with them.Can that be an option?And is your Mother's mental health still good?
Oh, and yes, my mother can think clearly, but she's naive.  She has been a housewife all her life and trusts everyone who is family.  That worries me. 

I really appreciate everyone talking this out with me.  I believe I am getting some very good advice and suggestions here!  I'm worried sick about what may be coming, and I may be overreacting.  I really hope I am!  Naw, I don't think so, but I'm still hoping...  See - I guess I'm confused!  Don't know what to think

renny97

Sadly, there are ppl out there like this. Too bad, there wasn't a way to stop them from even
coming. It sounds like, they called and just said they were on their way, so you all wouldn't have
the time to back out. It sounds like they have a history of this, too. So, it isn't your imagination.
Sure, ppl can change, but after that many years; I'd be leary, too.

I had relatives that stayed away for almost 14 years. My mother passed, and shortly, I hear from
them! It wasn't simple condolences  They announced they were "in town." (It seems they count on
a sudden-surprise arrival!) Then, as I look back, came through the house, I mean, literally looking
around at possible new items!!!!!!! Here they are taking inventory!

After that "visit" I never heard from them again! I guess, there wasn't anything they felt should be
"theirs." I am telling you, I've talked to a few other ppl on this, and some just wait for their
relatives to pass--especially, if they never got along and now, they want to see you?