Help ME! I'm Drowning

[cocobars]

I don't really know how this will turn out.  My EC is at LB and SIL's house and hasn't turned up here yet (to my knowledge).  The family all thinks they're safe and can stop anything she may try.

I can't help but think we need a POA, but I stand alone in that thought, so I feel I have to go along with the family.  Hopefully all will turn out ok.

Thanks for all your help and advice.  I'll post updates as they come.

[luise.volta]

You don't need anyone's approval to get a Durable Power of Attorney for Finance and Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. You need one of each for your Dad and one of each for your Mom, should he predecease her. The rest of your family can think what they wish but I strongly recommend that you move on this now.

POAs don't go into affect unless the need arises and that has to be established medically. Getting them now is just a cautionary measure. Everyone should understand that. I signed mine before a Notary and gave them to Kirk as a cautionary measure. I'm fine as you well know. I got them online from: www.legasywriter.com They are relatively inexpensive. I ordered one of each so I could read them carefully before I did anything at all. They can either be downloaded or hard copies can be send to you via snail mail. (That's what I did.)

More than one person can be named POA in order of preference. I named Kirk, his life partner, Sandy, and his ex, Sonja. That's all done in "Article I." Then the POAs just sit in a Safe Deposit box until activated. You don't get them when they're needed. You get them when when they're not needed, like an insurance policy, and if you never need to use them, that's OK. But please don't put it off.

Activation is Article II. It states:

"This Power of Attorney shall become effective immediately and shall survive and continue during my disability, incompetence, incapacity or partial disability. This Power of Attorney shall not be affected by subsequent disability, incompetence or incapacity or by lapse of time. Disability, incompetence, incapacity or partial disability shall include, without limitation, my inability to manage my property and affairs or caring for myself, effectively, for reasons such as mental illness, mental deficiency or other mental capacity, physical illness or disability, advanced age, senility, chronic use of drugs, chronic intoxication, which may be evidenced by a written statement of my regularly attending physician or two other qualified physicians or by court order." 

So, what you will be holding is dormant until activated.

[cocobars]

I have printed this out to show them, but I'm really afraid it will do no good.  I don't know what to do to get their attention, and may be looking at watching them be hurt beyond words.  I'm not the kind of person that says "I told you so."  It's hard to watch an entire family be taken in by someone who is devious and has motives.  I'm wrong in their eyes, because my mouth was shut too long (my mistake). 

My EC is very convincing (of course, how else would she have taken my aunts life and those of her sisters).  Nobody will listen and if I continue to press this, I am afraid I will be on the outside (as I almost am now), watching my parents die and giving my inheritance, along with my brothers away.  I don't know what to do anymore.

[cocobars]

This is on my mind daily, hourly, and every minute.  I think I may have to try to take a break from it, trying again when I have the energy to do so.  The depressing thing about all this is that my mother told this EC to come and the rest of the family seems to just want to go belly up to please her, without considering that it's dangerous. 

Nobody sees that this is not a wise decision here but me now, and I stand alone.  My GC gave her input to my parents.  She told me that my aunt was fine and there was nothing wrong with her mind, but they put her away in to places.  One was a retirement home, and once the paperwork was done, she was put into a seedy nursing home and locked in a room.  My GC visited both places.  I feel like I'm lost here...

[luise.volta]

Just do the four POAs; a financial and a health care on each parent. You don't need anyone's agreement. Have them sing before a Notary and put them carefully away.

[cocobars]

I don't think they will sign.  I think my SIL and EC have convinced them I am the greedy one.  I believe my hands are tied and am really upset to watch all this.  I guess I'm giving up.  All I feel I can do it my best and if that's not good enough, then I'll just have to watch.

They don't think a POA is necessary.  They think they are fine.

[cocobars]

They think they can control what happens.

[luise.volta]

Maybe they can but don't take nay chances! Love you!

[cocobars]

Thank you, Luise.  I wish I didn't have to, but it looks like I will.

[Orly]

Sorry Coco,
I've been with the lawyers today myself.  It may be getting to the point where you will HAVE to step up and just get conservatorship.   Go get some legal advice....usually the first visit is free and you can lay out your fears, then get some details advice for your state.  Step back from pushing your family...they sound like mine at this point....and go get some major legal advice.  Straight from the horses mouth.

[luise.volta]

Do it before you have to. Quietly and swiftly and we'll just hope they are right and you never need it. Mine is just insurance. I got both POAs, financial and Health Care,  in case Kirk ever sees that I'm not making sense and acting in my own best interest, he can step in. I'm in great shape now...that's the time to do it.

Your parents would have been wise to have them in place years ago. Better safe than sorry.

Sending love!

[cocobars]

Orly, I agree with getting an attorney's advice.  I've spoken to my son who has an attorney he think's hung the moon!  LOL!  Normally, my parents and I have been using the same attorney for years, but he's has gotten such a good reputation that he is representing congressmen, etc., and his fee's have gotten so high, combined with being in demand so much - that I don't believe a consultation would be free.  The last time I checked with him, he charged $350.00/hr.  Hence, the conversation with my son.  I may have to wait until I get a break between jobs here, if they don't hire me in the meantime.  If that happens, then I will ask for a little time to take care of personal business, before starting onboard as an employee - so I can see his attorney. 

I hope things are going well on your end too.  Such a depressing thing to go through and worrisome too!  I appreciate all your advice here, more than I can say.  I really came through with this post in panic mode, because I had no idea what they could do and had such a bad feeling about this visit.  I still do, but the difference is that now I believe I need to concentrate on protecting my family, and I sooner than I thought.

[cocobars]

Luise, you are so right and I see that.  I'm having such a time trying to convince everyone.  I'm afraid I've pushed the point to where I'm the one looking suspicious.  As far as signatures go, I don't believe I will be able to get them right now.  I can always go on the internet and order them, but will have to hold them until someday when my parents see the need to have them.  Right now they don't.

Last night my parents were picked up by my SIL and taken to my older brother and his wife's for dinner.  When I went to bed, they weren't home yet.  I think paranoia set in and I hardly slept because I kept having horrible thoughts of her putting something in their food.  I know that's an off-the-wall thought, but I keep thinking about my aunt and how she was treated by them, then how quickly she passed once they changed her will.  I'm afraid I won't be able to rest until she's out of town (Sunday she is supposed to leave).   I'll probably exhale then, and I'm hoping I'll be able to think clearer too.  Maybe we can get to place where we can talk about "protection" again.  I'm pretty sure that without their signatures, there is nothing I can do, but that's where the attorney will come in.  Maybe they will go with me to talk to the attorney.  That might be the best thing for everyone, so they know I'm not just being greedy.  That way they will be in on the conversation.

I'm hoping...

[luise.volta]

My mistake, Coco...I thought it was the rest of the family that disagreed not your parents. I somehow got that your father thought it wise and your mother would go along. Having just initiated mine, signed everything and put them away for Kirk, I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't see the need.

OK...and if and when you can just get it across that it's just insurance, that might help. Surely they see the need for that. Sending love.

[cocobars]

Actually, you're half right!  At first my father was really upset and said he didn't want to ever see her again.  Since then he has been convinced by everyone else that he is safe, and so he's just going along with it.  I am hoping when she leaves, we will be able to talk about getting some legal advice "together" and maybe then he and my mother will see the importance. 

I'm waiting...

Thank you Luise.  I will post any updates that come.  I'm trying to make it through the week.