Question for other MILs

[Pooh]

Ummm....one in the trash...maybe a mistake and accident.  Both in the trash....the skeptic in me is saying that your instincts are right on and it was done on purpose.  Good for DH to think to check.  I think it's definately worth just keeping and hanging onto them for GD and not giving them back.  Yeah, that was chance #947.  She has been voted off the island!

[lancaster lady]

Well Pooh , if there were no GK , you can imagine that would be the case . However , you know the saying '' Keep your
friends close , and your enemies closer '' , I think that applies here . I think she would love for me to kick off
and that would give her so much pleasure to give me my marching orders . Oh no , I am one big thorn firmly
implanted ..........ouch !

[Smilesback@u]

I am no saint.  I relate totally -- it is just how do you plan to stop suffering?  Pain hurts alot and you get over it with care; suffering lasts and lasts and that is harder to get over.  To hurt is human, to suffer is an ongoing choice.  Example, I gave my first GD at her first Christmas, cute, one-of-a kind, boxed baby elephant with "a small blanket attached" that you keep as you get older like Linus --if you know what I mean?   The next day, I saw DIL had given the gift to her niece, a 7 year old niece-- I kept my mouth shut as I could not believe it, really?  I watched to see what would happen.  I mean, really, regifting a baby gift before the baby even knows it was from Nana?  Pretty low.  Jump ahead several years, I see the second GD now has the same said baby elephant in her crib.  I say to DIL on past summer visit, that I gave that to the first GD.  DIL had a chance then and there to clean up her mess.  She chose not to...why?  I don't know.  She said No, her niece gave it to her.  WHAT??? Crazy-making stuff...I did not let go and said No, I don't think so and I walked away and let it go.  Just sticks in your throat - you know?  Not the only bad memory I have with DIL -- other incidents of books, stuffed animals etc being attributed from someone else gifting than me, certainly this has taught me well.  On my visit this THG time, I wrote in the books we gave GD *From Nana and Papa 2011*.  As far as I am concerned, I handled the matter appropriately.  As far as your experience of someone throwing away something so special from you (it is the thought after all that counts), and rubbing your nose in it -- to throw it away yourself - despicable!  Just despicable!  To end my own suffering - now, what I do, I bring my treasures to give to GD only to share on our visit, as I do not want it torn, ripped, *lost* thrown away, mistreated, attributed from someone else, all of that.  I take photos of us with them receiving them, enjoying them with us -- then I take the gifts home with me for safe keeping until they are old enough to know better -- and I will bring them out again before then, when and if they visit or when I visit.  Photo books work really well -- says more than a thousand words.  I had felt so bad about not seeing any photos on FB of our visits, of our family that I made a photo book, of our visit.  I included DS side of the family with names, and read them to the GD on this last visit.  I asked DS, DIL and other son to read the book to GD.   DS and DIL did not get through the book but know it exists.   Other son did read with GD -- and he gets it!  We showed up as GP to love the GD, we visited and paid our way, we had a good time with GD -- and the photos do not lie.  So no, I am not a saint, I am a sinner, working on getting into heaven as well as not living in hell.  Sometimes it just seems like hell, doesn't it?  Hope there are some ideas here that help.   You just can't let it drive you crazy -- which it was making me miserable...I was crying and carrying on with DH.  Enough already -- I just had to say, I hope you find a way to feel better too. 

[lancaster lady]

thankyou Smiles ,
You know what gets me through ? My GD loves me to bits ! when we are together she never leaves my side , if she loses
sight of me she shouts me at the top of her voice , that makes my heart sing .
So no matter what my DIL pulls outta the bag , we are cemented forever .
So I will be forever grateful to those 5 months they lived with me , otherwise we might have grown apart .

You mentioned gifts that were recycled from your GD .
I have never seen half the gifts I bought my GD when she was born , I only hope they went
to a good cause and not the trash bin !

Of course , the wedding photos ....there were 3000 shots taken at the wedding ....I was in 5 of them !
Go figure !
I am always amazed when we MIL's get all the blame , and why our DIL's want to hurt us .
What have we done to be treated so badly ?
I'm shaking my head , as I'll never understand 

[pam1]

(((Lancaster Lady)))  You handled that classy as always.

I don't think all MILs are to blame, I agree with Scoop up above....we are all dealing with the same type of people.  Imagine your DIL as a MIL someday -- she'll probably be just the same person as she always is.  It's not the label, it's the person.

As for the original question, sometimes it crosses my mind...especially when I'm not actively trying to repair the relationship lol.  Usually I say I'm done then spring back up like the energizer bunny to go get some more.  But now after the latest episode, I'm not sure.  I'll probably handle it when and if it ever comes up and how I'm feeling at the moment and the circumstances surrounding it.  Right now we put out the offer to go to therapy with MIL to clear stuff up, she has so far refused but doesn't know our decision to move yet.  I think once she finds out we are moving she'll then want to do the therapy just to delay our moving not to fix or repair anything.

That's been my experience with her anyway, her motivations have not been to reconcile, they've been to control.  So, yeah, it would depend on a lot of factors.