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ungrateful adult children

Started by somom, December 01, 2011, 11:21:21 AM

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Pen

Last year (or was it the year before? Has it been that long since I joined?) I posted that my friends who also suffer from "no gifts for mom" syndrome and I have been known to buy our own gifts to put under the tree or in our stockings (I know, I know, but my AC insist on continuing the stocking tradition.) I started doing so when my children were still little the one year we had a big destination Christmas with DF & SM, and I was the only one who got nothing. It made DH feel horrible, and the kids cried! So I started filling my own stocking, then DH & the kids started making sure I had something. My friends do the same; hey, we always get what we want!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

I remember watching gifts being opened at Val's kids homes. We sat there and "oohed and aahed" for hours. We were given one nice gift to share and that was it. Val got so he didn't like the drive or the long event, maybe 5 or 6 years ago, so we started staying home. Cards dwindled, gifts dwindled, decorations dwindled. Two years ago was our last Christmas together before he entered nursing. I was in a wheelchair (broken ankle with three inch screws installed to hold it together) and I was still operating as his care giver from there. And last year was my first one alone in my life.

Things change as the years pass. This year I have outside lighted decorations that I put up my self and just one lighted, fiberoptic sleigh on my mantle with cute ceramic raindeer for my inside decorations. I have a stocking hanging hopefully on my door. Today my news letter was in it. LOL! My sort of son, Bill, is coming up here to have dinner with me and to visit Val on Christmas day and then he is taking me back over the mountains on the 31st to have New Years Eve (plus a late Christmas) with my sort of daughter, Sonja. Change. Lots to adapt to and lots to be grateful for. Kirk and Sandy are back on Kauai, of course...where they usually do a beach fire with friends...taking their guitars for singing carols (and old Beetle songs.)

Lots of ways to do it.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Doe

For me, the time spent with kids and making a big deal of presents seems like blip on the screen.  I've had so many more Christmases in my life without my kids than with them so I'm used to just putting the holiday together each year however I want.
I'm not big on decorating the house beyond some outside lights but I really like to go out to seasonal events and see the decorations there.  I don't really want more stuff since I'm in the process of getting rid of things.  A nice meal and a good hike or a walk in the snow is enough for me.

luise.volta

D. Sounds good to me. Satisfying. Real. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Doe, sounds good to me too. Every year I do less and less :) I figure if I drop one or two things every year they'll never notice until it's just me in front of the fire reading a new book and drinking a cup of cheer, lol.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

pam1

Doe, I like the sound of your holidays!  We don't do much by decorating other than tree, stocking and some lights, mainly for DD's benefit.  I like holidays to be low key and relaxing.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

JudyJudyJudy

You could buy yourself a gift in a BIG box, wrapped up really nice, put your name on it and address it from Secret Admirer.  After you open it, you could say, "Oh, wow, someone remembered me this year!" 

dvg

How about telling all of them that instead of buying gifts this year, you want to donate the money to those who have nothing?  Tell them about how while you all are sitting around a tree there are people who are homeless and hungry, right here in America, including children.

Everyone can choose a favorite charity, and donate to that instead of buying gifts. 

Or you can just surprise them and instead of a present, give them a gift card acknowledging that you've made a donation in their name - some charities do that.

Instead of buying gifts for ungrateful people who don't reciprocate, you can do something that will help people and make yourself feel good.  And it minimizes the over-commercialization of Christmas, too.

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

JudyJudyJudy

Sometimes the givers are just not considered receivers by thoughtless people.  It doesn't mean they do not love you.  It just means they are self-centered and think that your pleasure is in the giving.  It's a sad thing but they will understand some day when they are in your position.

Pooh

Pen, we still do stockings in our house!  Lol...if YS didn't get a stocking, he would be sorely disappointed.  I buy him some nice gifts every year, but I think he gets more excited over all the little toys and candy in the stocking!  So YS, SD, DH and myself still get one!

I guess I have went the other way this year.  Knowing that it would just be me, DH and YS the last couple of years, we only did a tree.  I missed everything and this year, went more festive, decorating all kinds of things, the mantle, the stairway, a huge tree, little things here and there and the gingerbread houses.  Decorated some outside and I feel 100% better every morning, walking down the stairs and seeing all the cheer!  DH loves it too so it is for us!  Who cares if anyone else sees it, or likes it for that matter.  It makes us feel good to see it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

pam1

dvg, that is a wonderful idea and one we implemented this year.  Just a word of warning, some people will *not* take this well at all.  If you do try to do something like that I suggest just doing it without a discussion.  Just my experience with it
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift