Gone From Bad to Worse

[firelight]

I am considering calling child protective services on my own child and I think I  might throw up.  My heart is shattered into a million pieces.  I don't know what to do.  I am worried about my granddaughters well-being at this point.  I got a call yesterday from my daughter's dad's side of the family and got an earful of how Thanksgiving went at their home.  Apparently, drugs may be involved with my daughter and son in law along with the very poor life choices.......  I'm dyin' over here.  I do not want to do this....I feel I have to.  I'm hating on it.

[FAFE]

If you believe for one minute that your grandbaby is being abused or is in an unhealthy abusive atmosphere, then it is your obligation (I think) to assure that she is taken proper care of.  You can make an anonomous call if that is your worry.  Please help that baby if she is in any kind of danger. 

[Scoop]

I think it would be hard to make a call and say that my ex told me about yyy& zzz.  You should perhaps encourage your ex to call, because he has the first hand information.

Of course, if you have your own evidence, then that's something different and you should make the call.

[firelight]

It wasn't my ex husband that was there even...but the rest of my inlaws and they are all very concerned....I agree I can't go by  heresay but I did witness something a little over a month ago....and now this has removed all doubt.  I am going to make the call now.  It really IS killing me.  My granddaughter is happy and healthy and not "abused" per say , but I believe there are drugs involved now in her living environment and the potential for things to go awry is definitely there.   My daughter loves her daughter very much, but she is obviously clouded by other things and I don't want to hear about any accidents or otherwise happening to my granddaughter. I want to go get her but my husband said I can't just take her without possibly going to jail...which a social worker told me I could just last night.  Wish me luck and if they're any praying ones out there, I'm happy to have them....the more the merrier.  I am going to do what I have to do.  Thanks for responding so soon.  I have been on the phone last night for hours and now today.  If anyone would have told me I'd be doing this a year ago, I wouldn't have believed them.  I'm just SICK.....I'm hoping Child Protective Services will also offer help to them.  Othewise, it might be me raising the babe till they clean up their act.  Lord, give me strength.  I'm off to make that call....  :-(  I feel shattered.

[luise.volta]

You are coming from caring. It won't be seen that way but you know that is your motivation. Little ones need advocates when the adults they trust aren't trustworthy. Sending love...

[Pooh]

BG, sending good vibes and prayers to you

[firelight]

Thank you.  I need the good wishes.  I am bawling mostly.  I tried to talk to my daughter in a loving way before I made that call but her husband was only rude and beligerent as usual in the background and she ended up hanging up on me.  I wanted to try to reason with her but there is a lot of denial on her part and her husband's so there is no reasoning at all.  I am afraid that even though I did it out of love and caring only after the inability to talk to her, I have destroyed whatever future I might have with my only grandchild (and my daughter).  I am hoping she will see all this ugliness that she is living in time and that some day, there will be repair of our relationship.  I think things are going to get darker before they get brighter.  Where are you Christmas?  I can't find it.  I'm going to do my best to focus on the true meaning of Christmas and try to get through it.  Not feeling real good right now....

[firelight]

The most painful part is this behavior is fairly new and she was such a wonderful, smart young woman.  VERY painful to stand by  helplessly as you watch someone spiral downward and can't do anything about it. 

[Pooh]

Even if she never speaks to you again, or you don't get to see GC, you did the right thing for GC.  Doing the right thing is sometimes very hard, but it's still the right thing.

[Nana]

We are here for you.

Love

[Eggshelz1]

If you made it anonymous, that might help you not feel so guilty. If you did not make it anonymous, that is ok too. I think reports to CPS are kept confidential.
You know in your heart you did the right thing. For not only your GD but your DD too!
CPS won't just swoop in and take the child etc. They merely investigate at first and assess the situation. They are highly trained and professional and experienced at sizing up a situation.
For you, better to err on the side of caution. Hold fast and try try try to relax. I know it's hard.
I have made phone calls regarding my YDD, which, believe me, I did out of sheer terror for her and most of all, love.  And may God forgive me, when she accused me of 'snitching' etc,  I denied it. That part is up to you. Just keep in mind that when drugs are involved, the drug-user is not rational and is highly defensive against even common sense. You can't deal with a drug-addled personality in the middle of the mess.
Let God take over for now. Just be on stand=by for whatever happens. And maybe nothing will happen for some time.
If CPS contacts her, then maybe that will shake her to her roots and she will amend such behavior, or become more discreet or whatever. Maybe she will suspect you...so what? She cannot prove you called. Don't get engaged in any verbal tussles if you can help it.
Hang in there honey.

[Keys Girl]

Make notes, lots of notes, you're going through a difficult time, your emotions will swing wildly and you'll need facts, dates, etc. for the authorities.  Never mind whether or not your daughter will speak to you again, that child needs to be protected.  If you are worried about your granddaughter's well being you are wise to act sooner rather than later.  Prayers and good vibes being sent your way.

KG

[firelight]

I am taking all the advice.  I did make that call yesterday and blubbered the whole way through it.... and couldn't feel more horrible.  It is very nice to have this support system here.  I am sort of stunned I found this site at exactly a time as this.  A place where some people understand this situation and also the complete heartbreak I am having.  I appreciate your efforts to reply because I really needed it.  I love that everyone tries to pitch in and help each other.  What a blessing it is.
Thank you so much.

[FAFE]

Got you in my heart this morning.  That call may have made all the difference in the world as to the life that GC will be living forever.  For the better. 

[firelight]

well, I wish I didn't feel so badly.  I don't even want to look at my Christmas tree.  I want to put it away.  I haven't decorated it yet other than the lights an I just can't find the spirit to do it.  I am afraid my life will be estranged from my one and only child and granddaughter.  The thought of that is unbearable since we were very close.  I have even considered telling them (CPS) to just forget it.  Grandbabe is not hungry or dirty or anything like that and they do love her very much....I'm just afraid of what "might" happen if I didn't call....I'm still debating in my mind what to do , should I cancel it or did I do the right thing.....it can drive a mother crazy.  I am so torn up inside it is the most horrible, sorrowful feeling I've ever known.  It feels like it's killing me.  I can cry at the drop of a pin over this.
Thanks for the encouraging words though.  I just want this to be over.  CPS did say that if they don't find the little one in any danger (I just saw them a few days ago and she was just fine....it's the other times I'm worried about!) they just offer their services but I don't know what kind of services that means.  I really didn't want to get the system involved here.  I just feel at a loss.  I hope no one out there has to go through this because it is very painful.