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Book suggestion - The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Lerner

Started by Scoop, March 02, 2010, 06:42:04 pm

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Scoop

This is a book aimed at women, to help them realize that their feelings of anger are justified.  That they are red flag saying that something is wrong with the situation.  And also that there's a middle ground between 'doormat' and 'b1tch'.

The gist of the book is that under-reacting is just as bad as over-reacting.  That when we under-react we end up re-hashing the situation and kicking ourselves for not speaking up, ect, we chew on it and chew on it until something else happens and then we blow up and OVER -react.    Then you have to eat crow, because you over-reacted.

That if you react appropriately to whatever is making you angry, you feel GOOD.  You don't end up re-hashing it and re-living it and you don't have to feel guilty for over-reacting.


It can be hard to do at first, especially if you've been conditioned to do anything to keep the peace.  But if you start small, like the cashier who's trying to over-charge you, you get better and better at it.

This book is definitely worth the read.



2chickiebaby

That's a good idea, Scoop.  That book would probably do me good.  I was raised not to get mad, so I just get hurt instead.  That's not right and in doing so, I'm hurting me.

You have to understand, though when you have DILs, you can't react in a negative way no matter what they say to you.  If you do, you're out. You're "cut off".  It doesn't matter if you have good reason or not. 

So if we don't want to be in "cut off", we keep our mouths shut.

cocobars

Quote from: Scoop on March 02, 2010, 06:42:04 pm

That if you react appropriately to whatever is making you angry, you feel GOOD.  You don't end up re-hashing it and re-living it and you don't have to feel guilty for over-reacting.

This book is definitely worth the read.

;D Does this include telling people in traffic they are NUMBER  ONE (1)? ;D Or is that reserved for large cities?

(I forgive you and I know you didn't mean it the way I took it)

P.S.- This is a hug.  I hope you accept it... :(

Scoop