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No Mother-Son Dance

Started by jkm426, March 01, 2010, 02:14:39 pm

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jkm426

Well my FDIL has decreed no mother/son dance at the event/wedding(not joyous).  I know she wants me to be hurt...wrong, I am just mad as HE!!.  My son keeps saying he is sorry and will make her allow one, but I told him don't bother.   That way everyone can see what a selfish and uncaring person she is....this was not said to him, but his siblings, grandparents and extended family.
It is beyond me why anyone would go out of their to make future family dislike you...

Pen

I'm so sorry. I remember the stress of DS's wedding like it was yesterday and having to dodge landmines at every turn. You're in my thoughts, JKM. And hey, how can she stop your son from asking you to dance???? It may not be an "official" dance, but he can ask the DJ or band (on the sly) to play the song you want and none will be the wiser. It was very important to me, I would have been crushed if I'd knuckled under on that one.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Sassy

Obviously every family and situation is different. 

A friend of mine did not want a mother-son dance at her wedding specifically because she was estranged from her abusive father.  She felt a mother-son dance would highlight the lack of father-daughter dance, and she did not want that that painful reminder on her wedding day.  The groom agreed to spare his bride's feelings.  At first her MIL was distressed by the decision but after she explained her reasons, her MIL understood.

Since DIL has not told you this decision directly yet, perhaps there are deeper reasons she hasn't yet explained to you.





luise.volta

There you go! Good plan. No "he said/she said" stuff. Get it from the horse's (oops!) mouth.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

jkm426

Oh, father daughter is on...No she wouldn't tell me,  that would mean she had to acknowledge I exist and (horrors)interact with me...

Sassy

March 01, 2010, 03:17:23 pm #6 Last Edit: March 01, 2010, 03:19:12 pm by Sassy
And just because the deejay doesn't announce it as an official mother-son dance, doesn't mean you won't get to dance with the groom to one of your favorite songs.  ;)


Whoops - Pentasmen already noted that.

luise.volta

Well, could you ask? It seems like treason is in order! How awful!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Marilyn

I agree,could you ask?I would want to know why she felt this way.


renny97

We stop joy because others don't have it???????

cremebrulee

Quote from: jkm426 on March 01, 2010, 02:14:39 pm
Well my FDIL has decreed no mother/son dance at the event/wedding(not joyous).  I know she wants me to be hurt...wrong, I am just mad as HE!!.  My son keeps saying he is sorry and will make her allow one, but I told him don't bother.   That way everyone can see what a selfish and uncaring person she is....this was not said to him, but his siblings, grandparents and extended family.
It is beyond me why anyone would go out of their to make future family dislike you...


so your son is going to marry her anyway?????

If I were him, I'd run and keep on running....my brother and I spoke right before they were married...he said he didn't want to marry her, and I told him, DON"T!!!  He wouldn't listen....10 years later, she was cheating on him...your family knows, and so, does a mother...a mother just knows...and if your son marrys this woman, he will be in for a lifetime of pain, and so will you....it only gets worse after they are married....

God bless you all....
boy if, I were you, I'd sit him down and ask him to go to counselilng before he marrys this woman, and I'd also ask him, what it was that he did in his life that he feels he and his family deserve so little?

He should have his head examined....sorry....I know he's your son and you love him...but you have no idea how ugly this is going to get for everyone...women like this, should never be mothers...and someday, she will be the mother of your grand children....sad...

luise.volta

Does anyone ever listen? Please, someone, tell us a story about a person who listened to what he/she didn't want to hear, changed his/her mind and acted on it. Please...(even if you have to make it up! ;D)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Scoop

Luise - for you.

We didn't have a family picture of my IL's up in our house.  This bothered my MIL, but she didn't approach it very diplomatically - her line was "There's no picture of Mummy & Daddy in your house, it's like you're ASHAMED of us!"  I will admit that I dug in my heels and refused to put one up, my excuse was that we only had the one from our wedding, and we had enough wedding pictures up in our house.  I should note too that this picture was out of date, that a BIL and 2 DN's were added to the family since then.

I mentioned this to my aunt, and she said that it would hurt her feelings to see a picture of her DIL's family up in the house and none of hers.  And I took it to heart.  So we made a plan with MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and the DN's and we all trucked over to Sears and got a family picture done that included ALL OF THE FAMILY.   And I display it in my house, right next to my family picture (which is now outdated too).

Orly

Nope, sorry Luise.   The only one I can tell you about learning new behaviors, is my puppy......and OMG does it take some heavy duty reasoning with her!     If I could take a roll of newsprint to my out of line family members,  I'd wear my arm out and still not make any headway.

luise.volta

Oh, I like that group photo story. I made a collage of us and all of our sort of kids (9) plus Kirk and gave one to everyone for Christmas.

Val got a Digital Picture frame for his 98th with hundreds of pictures of Val's relatives on it that I have never met and he can't remember. It takes up very little room and I can turn t off! ;D ;D

And I like the newspaper story. What we need is more pets and less relatives!!!   :D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama