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No Mother-Son Dance

Started by jkm426, March 01, 2010, 02:14:39 pm

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Orly

Oh, BTW Jkm426.

If your son isn't happy about not having the mother/son dance and wants to have one.....leave him to go to the mat on it.  It is his wedding too!  Really, just from my pov, I see it as an opening salvo shot on whom is going to "rule" in the marriage.   They need to settle these relatively minor issues now before a major issue comes up.   (No, I don't think your feelings are minor.  This is an issue of control between them...you just happen to be in the line of fire atm)  If he gives way on his feelings now, she is going to expect him to give way on deeper issues later.

renny97

Thanks, C, I thought I misread something for a minute?

I love my pets, I love my pets.....

I agree, Orly, I think it is a "power" issue and not for reasons given. It starts early on......

2chickiebaby

Quote from: jkm426 on March 01, 2010, 02:14:39 pm
Well my FDIL has decreed no mother/son dance at the event/wedding(not joyous).  I know she wants me to be hurt...wrong, I am just mad as HE!!.  My son keeps saying he is sorry and will make her allow one, but I told him don't bother.   That way everyone can see what a selfish and uncaring person she is....this was not said to him, but his siblings, grandparents and extended family.
It is beyond me why anyone would go out of their to make future family dislike you...


One of the saddest and worst things Close DIL ever did to Distant DIL is to not include a picture of her at all in her and son's baby book or even a picture of her in their house.  She had one of son, DDIL's husband but none of her,not even a snapshot.  Agreed, DDIL did great damage to our family...but I can't stand anyone being hurt like that. I honestly don't know how I fell for CDIL at all now. At the time DDIL was being so rude that I naturally went toward CDIL.  She used us to death.  Oddly, DDIL's husband was the kindest son and did not, as I can now see, know at all what his wife was doing.

catchingup

Quote from: cremebrulee on March 02, 2010, 11:40:07 am
Quote from: jkm426 on March 01, 2010, 02:14:39 pm
Well my FDIL has decreed no mother/son dance at the event/wedding(not joyous).  I know she wants me to be hurt...wrong, I am just mad as HE!!.  My son keeps saying he is sorry and will make her allow one, but I told him don't bother.   That way everyone can see what a selfish and uncaring person she is....this was not said to him, but his siblings, grandparents and extended family.
It is beyond me why anyone would go out of their to make future family dislike you...


so your son is going to marry her anyway?????

If I were him, I'd run and keep on running....my brother and I spoke right before they were married...he said he didn't want to marry her, and I told him, DON"T!!!  He wouldn't listen....10 years later, she was cheating on him...your family knows, and so, does a mother...a mother just knows...and if your son marrys this woman, he will be in for a lifetime of pain, and so will you....it only gets worse after they are married....

God bless you all....
boy if, I were you, I'd sit him down and ask him to go to counselilng before he marrys this woman, and I'd also ask him, what it was that he did in his life that he feels he and his family deserve so little?

He should have his head examined....sorry....I know he's your son and you love him...but you have no idea how ugly this is going to get for everyone...women like this, should never be mothers...and someday, she will be the mother of your grand children....sad...


And when her children are getting married and her DIL treats her the same way and if this forum is still around she will be posting here. 8)

cocobars

HA!  Yes, she will be posting here!  She will be livered!  I believe that is called karma!

Pen

Scoop, I know you said the group photo story was for Luise, but I am loving it, too. My DIL hasn't put up pics of us and it does hurt our feelings. Granted, we're not as 'good-lookin' as her family, but still.....Thanks for sharing! You're a wonderful DIL!!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

cocobars

OK, ladies.  I missed something somewhere...

What group photo's? 

Pen

Read back. I should quote more often, sorry.
Quote from: Scoop on March 02, 2010, 11:57:51 am
Luise - for you.

We didn't have a family picture of my IL's up in our house.  This bothered my MIL, but she didn't approach it very diplomatically - her line was "There's no picture of Mummy & Daddy in your house, it's like you're ASHAMED of us!"  I will admit that I dug in my heels and refused to put one up, my excuse was that we only had the one from our wedding, and we had enough wedding pictures up in our house.  I should note too that this picture was out of date, that a BIL and 2 DN's were added to the family since then.

I mentioned this to my aunt, and she said that it would hurt her feelings to see a picture of her DIL's family up in the house and none of hers.  And I took it to heart.  So we made a plan with MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and the DN's and we all trucked over to Sears and got a family picture done that included ALL OF THE FAMILY.   And I display it in my house, right next to my family picture (which is now outdated too).
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

2chickiebaby

Gosh, did somebody leave the gate open??  I opened this site and out comes so many posts that I don't know where to start.  Lord!! So nice to hear from every one of you!!! I love you all. 

cocobars

Touche, Scoop!  Such is the life of pictures!  It's one of the reasons I don't worry about them anymore...

Something is always out of date! ;D

cocobars

Quote from: 2chickiebaby on March 04, 2010, 06:57:28 pm
Gosh, did somebody leave the gate open??  I opened this site and out comes so many posts that I don't know where to start.  Lord!! So nice to hear from every one of you!!! I love you all.

We love you too Chickie!  Welcome back home! ;D

2chickiebaby

Thank you, you sweet tea girl...Love you!

jkm426

Today I am a proud mother.  My son told me he informed his DF there would be a mother/son dance and wonder of wonders, I get to pick the song.....There is hope for that child after all...
Funny, I know some of theses DIL's will be the mothers of sons and will face the exclusion they try to foist on us.   Karma is a b*ich.

Scoop

Yahoo!  JKM - I'm so happy for you!

Forgive me, because I don't know how weddings are where you are.   So there will be a FOB/Bride dance and THEN a MOG/Groom dance?  That just seems like a lot to me.

At our wedding, we had our first dance, then we had a dance where I danced with my Dad AND my MIL danced with DH.  Then after a bit, my brother (Man of Honour) brought in my Mom, and my FIL brought in my SIL (Best Woman).  Almost at the end of the song (Because You Loved Me - by Celine Dion), I danced with DH again, MIL & FIL, Mom & Dad, Bro & SIL - but I have to say it worked out perfect for us because of the numbers and the people.

I know that you've won the battle, but really, I hope you're not at war with your DIL - it will just lead to unhappiness.  So can you throw her a bone (through DS of course)?  Tell her your top 3 choices of songs and then let her "help" you decide which one to use (so it's not the same as hers & DH's or hers & her Dad's).  Or else offer to dance with DS while she's dancing with her Dad.

Oh man, I haven't thought about my wedding like that in a long time.  I'm all happy now.  My Dad passed away last year, and one of my favourite memories was dancing with him at my wedding.  I have to say that "our" dance at my wedding was NOT the "father / bride" dance, it was the "New York New York" song (you know "Start spreading the news ....")  and that was completely un-official.  So please don't hang your hat on the perfect song or the perfect dance, because it might just turn into something else.


renny97

 :) So happy for you, JK!!!!!!!! It isn't about winning, but rather a precious moment you will always remember!

I wasn't aware of it [tradition], until my son brought it up. He told me the song he picked out and because we were treated so badly by DIL's family from that day forward, that moment, was one of few that they would not be able to tarnish. My mother and me were able to have pics of us dancing with son and grandson because we took OUR OWN pictures!!! Be sure to have someone take pics, in case, there happens to be "excuses" as to *why* none were taken of you both. And, *why* no pictures "show up" in their house afterwards--like, their "shelves are too full with IL's pictures"!  ;) It is horrible to have to think of your son's wedding like this, but, it is true.

Also, be prepared, to be treated with *cold shoulders* by ILs. Do not, think you are imagining this. They are "gaining"; closing the "deal" and almost as if you are seeing the demise. Not to be too negative, just a "head's up."

Karma is a bite, for sure.....lol  ;D