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I did not say this

Started by catchingup, February 28, 2010, 02:47:41 PM

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cocobars

Renny, that's heartbreaking.  I hope you didn't go back home, but went somewhere else and had a good time doing something you enjoy!...  Just thinking....    thinking....   You don't suppose they were... back of the house?  What rooms are usually in the back of the house?  LOL!

Chickie, I believe there is a little truth in that.  I believe very insecure women are intimidate by strong women.  AND...  You have to be confident (hence, strong) to go into a room full of people you don't know and talk to anyone you meet.  You have a gift and I can see that.  Your DIL's may be very intimidated that you are "holding the attention of the crowd around you.  Just my thoughts here, but (she may be beautiful), but until she starts building that "from the inside," somewhere in her awareness she may be afraid of who she is.  True beauty shines from the inside, and I think God gave that awareness to all of us.  Do you think it's possible for her to be afraid of your inner confidence?  That's something she may not have. 

Beauty doesn't always equate confidence.  She may feel inadequate.  I'm not saying this is true, but it's something to consider and roll over in your thoughts.

cocobars

Quote from: renny97 on March 05, 2010, 02:58:46 PM
Thanks, Chicki.

I need to put the past behind and keep doing so. There will always be a give and take. I just need the respect.

I am going to work hard at asking why she would insult me in the most polite way. I know, logically, the anger isn't good and won't work.

I just had one of my "concepts." Maybe a DIL is going through something in her life or just the normal "bump." And, so are we. I wonder, if by the time it changes a personality, we react differently to the "new" personality in the other person? We are expecting the same. That dynamic, may throw the whole communica' outta whack. As you were saying about how your DIL's changed.

I will try to "start over."

I have had some cool down. If I get snotty barbs, I am really going to focus on a patient answer. My son's cell was on ID and no message recently. I am still gonna be slightly nervous with next contact. I will be me. But, I will not be afraid to ask why something was said in a calm manner; knowing, I will be the example for GC. Then, it will set a real contrast from what she's heard.

It is painful, but you can do it, Chicki. You have strength. You get along so well with people. I guess we just love em and be kind. What else is there?
Good thought, Renny!  You may be right!  We are all different people with completely different perspectives.  Given that, I have to assume there is no right or wrong, just different ways of looking at the same picture. If I can learn to step back when I'm faced with an upsetting situation and talk it out without losing my temper, and then take a breath (in my thinking corner that is ;D), then the picture may have changed by the time I return.  That could help me understand my DIL's perspective, and maybe if I can understand where she is coming from, then I can help her understand where I'm coming from.

Profound thought!  Thank you for that!

2chickiebaby

Renny and Coco,
Stepping back is a good idea....I've tried that, of course.  It just totally breaks your heart into little tiny pieces over and over again when you see your son turn into a stranger.  I will never get over it, never.

It was either both of them do that or I guess the girls would have said goodbye. 

They are both gorgeous but hey, our sons are movie star good looking.  And, I was pretty too.  We looked good from the outside.  I guess something was wrong here.  I have searched my heart and can find only that I loved them so much.  They were my life, my little family. First real one I'd ever had.

Maybe I have a lot to learn.  I don't know, I'm getting tired.  Really tired.  I hate that. 

cocobars

March 05, 2010, 05:08:03 PM #33 Last Edit: March 05, 2010, 05:27:56 PM by cocobars
I'm sorry Chickie. I understand "tired." I've been fighting with that lately.

There is so much going on here that there is no begining, and no end anymore.  I survive each day looking forward to talking to you all.  I can't even describe what it is like living in a place where everything is topsy turvy, and I don't know where I went wrong with my son. 

I couldn't begin to catch anyone up anymore with his soap opera and am not sure I am not affected.  I try not to be.  I take care of everyone's needs and I work.  But, my son has problems that I can't even begin to describe.  I'm not sure where to start or end.  It's not my parents.  They're fine.  I take care of them and I'm so proud of them because they really listen to me!  That makes my heart sing!  They took a cab yesterday to a dentist appointment.  There's so much I haven't said here.  My mother doesn't walk much at all and is assisted by a walker.  No big deal at her age.  My father has altzeimers and  still thinks he can drive?  ???  It has taken me "all winter" to convince them not to be driving anywhere, unless I'm available.  I was so worried about having somewhere to work each day, knowing they might "cheat."  I am also so proud that they didn't.  My mother called me in to tell me "something special."  (I was worried about my son and thought it was about him)  They wanted me to know that she had that appointment, and they were taking a cab (something I asked them to do, but didn't really think they would listen to me).  I know this all sounds small to everyone, but it is large to me.  I have so much weight now on my shoulders??  I am the mother to four children and my parents.  I never thought I would do this, but I am, and gladly, but am really tired! 

I understand tired.  We get tired as we get older, but when my son came, I had drama. 

I don't do drama...  I don't know where to begin.  But can you keep me in your thoughts and prayers?  I will keep you in mine too!


Barbie

I know what you're going through. I was in your shoes up until a year ago, I was taking care of my father and was having all the problems with DS and DIL, boy, was I worn out!. A year ago today my dear father past away. Anyone who has taken care of their parents know it's no small job, it's very overwhelming at times but know that in the end you'll be glad you did it, things will get better. I will keep you in my prayers.

cocobars

Thank you so much guest1!  There are days that I am so overwhelmed!  My son's problems are worse than theirs (if you can imagine?).  He comes with a "drama package attached."   I know I'm not alone, just really tired!!  But I have to say it's nice to know you're there!

Thank you so much for understanding that!

cocobars

Quote from: guest1 on March 05, 2010, 05:58:23 PM
I know what you're going through. I was in your shoes up until a year ago, I was taking care of my father and was having all the problems with DS and DIL, boy, was I worn out!. A year ago today my dear father past away. Anyone who has taken care of their parents know it's no small job, it's very overwhelming at times but know that in the end you'll be glad you did it, things will get better. I will keep you in my prayers.
P.S. - I'm so sorry about the anniversary!  This must be so hard for you.  And, thank you for being compassionate on this day of all days, to understand and put me in your prayers! 

Feel that?  I'm hugging you!  I'm glad you're here...

cocobars

So, guest1,

Are you doing ok?  Are you relieved?  Are you sad?

Tell me.  Because I don't really know how I will respond, and I will have to take care of their affairs long after they leave here.

2chickiebaby

God bless you my dear friend,coco.  You are in my thoughts and prayers daily. :)

cocobars

Chickie - thank you so much!  I take things as they come.  I'm worried about Luise.  I think she has alot to take care of and I worry about her.  You know, the caretakers often pass before the people they are taking care of.  It's a job hazzard.

2chickiebaby

I'm worried about her too.  I know that Kirk will be such a needed boost.  They need each other right now.  I wish I was not such a cry baby. She said she didn't cry much but maybe that's what she needed to do and finally let it out.

cocobars

I understand what you're saying.  Crying is good for your soul and your body, and can save your life.  Luise said that once to me and I thought it was so wise of her to know it!  She knows how much trouble she's in.  I think that may be a reason for her crying.  She has to let go now that Kirk is there!  He is her angel right now and she has needed one!

cocobars

Ahhhh!  Fairy Godmother onboard!  LOL! 

Hi Luise, we were just worrying over you and I hope you're smiling... ;D

2chickiebaby

We need to make a pact that we pray for her ....let's all do.

cocobars

I'm in ;D with a glad heart!

Oh!  And can we remember guest1 too?  This is a painful anniversary for her.