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feeing cranky and kind of worried

Started by seek, November 21, 2011, 10:40:09 am

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i have a history of being a big worry wart and i am also the kind of person who "takes care of things." i raised three kids and help to raise my grandson, who is now 18.

i have the kind of personality where i can see a lot of detail that other people don't see - when i was raising my teens, i was also working in management and started thinking of myself more as their "manager" than their mom.

my youngest daughter was problematic and still is at age 34. i was in the role of having to be surrogate mom for my grandson and that caused a lot of stress for all of us . . .

my youngest daughter was unskilled at life stuff and i tried to "train" her . . .my efforts failed, but i just recently realized that. i thought some of the training might have stuck but she has completely different values than me - does not pay bills on time, ignores car problems, basically doesn't do the necessary things you need to do in life . . .she did not grocery shop for my grandson, so i had to (or wanted to) pick up the ball.

he now has his own bad habits and the reason i am posting today is because i know i cannot control anyone but myself - but for the life of me, i cannot figure out how not to care or worry. this morning i woke up thinking about my grandson's banking situation, of all things. he needs an atm card and won't make time to get one - so i woke up worrying about that, worrying that he will run out of gas, whatever . . . worry, worry . . .

i went and bought some gas cards to send to him (he works and is in college and i want to help out).

anyway, this has put me in a very cranky mood which i am going to try to change asap!!!

i have resentment that "these people" refuse to get their acts together! it really bugs me to no end! the challenge is to accept what i find unacceptable . . .

anyway, that is my little rant for the day . . .i am going to clean my house now, put some music on, and light some incense . . . thanks for listening!


Seek - you're going to have to change the way you think about this.  Because this is just YOU causing yourself stress.

Maybe when you start to worry, you could tell yourself "they don't work for me, I'm not their boss".

Or, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"

Or, "I'm done raising them.  I taught them what I know, it's up to them to put it to use."

Or, in my family, we say "Come on now, she's old enough... smart enough... cute enough to take care of herself."  The "cute enough" is to mean that she (or he) has everything they need to handle the situation.  It also makes us laugh.

We have another saying, but it's in French, the wording is "Take care of yourselves you bunch of beasts!" but it basically means "I wash my hands of you".

Ooooh - I just thought of something.  It's very hard to teach anyone or any creature to "not" do something.  (A dog won't respond to "stop" when the mail man approaches, but can often be told to "sit".)  So give yourself something that you "have to" do whenever you start to worry.  Have a big glass of water (hey, it's good for you).  Do 5 jumping jacks.  Go for a 15 min walk.  Put on some music and do a dance.

So there you go, next time you start to worry, tell yourself that you wash your hands of them, and then go and wash your hands and put on some nice lotion!


could you write that out in french? i am sure it sounds divine in french. i like it in english too "i wash my hands of them!" so much wisdom in that . . .you have a lot of good suggestions . . .

this morning, the worries began at 5 a.m. and i doubt if i would have wanted to do jumping jacks . . .the thinking i can work on but the unconscious thoughts that create the emotions are more difficult.

plus, i think i am hard-wired to care at a certain level but i can absolutely do more training on myself. i had been doing pretty good . . .not sure what prompted the worries . . .

i wish i had things to think about that were more intriguing than my family and their dilemmas!

"i wash my hands of the beasts!" :P


Focus on yourself, Seek. Back off, let them flail around and find their own way. It won't be easy; I understand how the circle of worrying can spiral out of control, but you might stop it by joining a group for some interest you had before you had kids - walking? reading? arts/crafts? travel? Volunteering?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


of course, i only posted a fraction of the entire scenario . . .i have been trying to "back off" - and have made great stides . . .also had been grieving kind of . . .empty nest stuff, and also other old wounds that got triggered . . . lots of other stuff too . . . i don't know what kicked off the worry and negative mental state, but i find once that happens, i usually need body work to get back in balance. i have a whole slew of things i do and body work is high on the list of things i need to do to get back in a positive frame of mind.

my body gets freaked out and then i am operating from fear . . .which is what is happening now - it goes back to old stuff - my grandson almost died as an infant so something in me goes to that place when i have any concerns about him . . .

anyway, i am trying to get to the ok place . . . right now my body is racked with fear . . .no apparent reason . . .it's the "irrationality" of it that makes it more stubborn to deal with. it's like i need "soothing" - and as i wrote in my intro, i was not nurtured as a child and have had to learn to self-nurture and it is a mystery sometimes how to do that.

i have a ton of hobbies and interests - that is never an issue - it's just staying in balance and living from a place of love, not fear . . .that is my biggest challenge every day.


When I got into something way too similar...a dear friend said, "You only have one enemy and she's wearing your shoes." I was a "ya-but-rabbit." Gotta say, from hindsight, she was right. Let it go and then watch yourself taking it back and maybe rationalizing about that. Let it go again. For me, the periods between taking it back and explaining why got longer and longer until I didn't. Sending, love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


i find it is "both and" - none of you know me, so there is no way anyone can really judge me, my actions, my motivations, or my intentions . . .

everyone has a different world view . . .some see any attachment to family as "bad" - i am not in that camp . . .i know my sticky points . . .i came here for support. there is not just "one way" - my world view is multifaceted . . .takes into account karma, ptsd, patterns, habits, intentions, etc.

culture also heavily informs people . . .in american culture it's "every MAN for himself. . ." - the rugged individual is admired . . .moving away from extended family to the nuclear family was encouraged. i am not a fan of this cultural move. i believe we are all interdependent upon each other . . . .in asian culture, filial duty is law, i believe (don't quote me) . . .and the consciousness is of "we" not "i." that means that individuals actually think of the group in terms of their own consciousness . . .

so while i appreciate some of the advice, i would rather not be put in a box saying that i am a "ya-but-rabbit" - for me, context is very important. i know this is your web site, so it could be that only one model flies here and i can understand if that is the case.

thank you for listening.

i did get a massage and feel much more connected . . . i really need to pay attention to my triggers and when i get triggered, to my body.


November 21, 2011, 08:33:52 pm #7 Last Edit: November 21, 2011, 09:29:25 pm by luise.volta
Time to take a step back. The comment was "I was a yeah-but-rabbit." Easy does it. The "letting go" part was there if you want it...if not, pass on it.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


it's hard to understand what you mean, so i will pass.

i am feeling much better.

i hope i can learn some methods to deal with worry when it just pops up out of nowhere . . .

i have been making such great strides,