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Abandonded -adult children of divorce - New Member

Started by theseeker, November 21, 2011, 08:00:19 AM

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theseeker

i dont know where to begin except .my dad died and he chose his wife and their kids over me he disregarded he had grandkids and a great grandchild,he died of cancer and i begged to visit but'it wasnt possible'.
i was shunned at his funeral by my step mom and alot of pplwho know my dad had a life of 25 years with me and mom... i havent been perfect and went to college like everyone else so i guess i am trash, i dont know but i didnt warrant this treatment,i never got closure with my dad and he left me nothing left it all to his wife and their kids.. im just sick inside,and thats is a grain of salt in my life,i want to start slow in my info on myself its complicated and hard to believe,nicee  to meet everyone.. :'(

pam1

Welcome theseeker :)  And Big, Big Hugs.

Take it easy on yourself right now.  Do things that bring you happiness.  We often speak of finding a form of family here at WWU, you can do that too.  Whether it is here or in real life.  You are worth it and it's worth finding happiness.

Please read the Forum Agreement and History of WWU (top two threads highlighted in pink) in the category Open Me First.  We ask all new members to do so not b/c there is anything wrong with your post.

You might also noticed I moved your thread into a different category, it'll be easier for our members to find your thread and welcome you.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

theseeker

ty i need a spirit guide  :D in all seriousness nice to meet ty for welcome and direction

lancaster lady

Hello and welcome .....I hope after you have found the peace you are searching for , you will be able to change your name , and
I hope the members of this forum can help you find the way .
Stay with us the seeker , we are here to help . :)

theseeker

that song the seeker by the who its my ballad (but i dont wanna die) anyways i thank you for the nice welcome i feel like i belong here. i just dont know where to start it and i dont want to sound like an idiot.my life ahs had ALOT of changes and phases.. i dont like change..
ok
my name is dana . im 43 i have 2 daughters one named day and one named night lol,they are married and moved out  (emptynester),a grandbaby girl i just love and would die for.a -so far for 7 yrs good -man, (younger than me im not a cougar tho ugh) not rich in money but well blessed with family and a few good friends, but also stabbed daily by a demon that wont go away.i,am the family white trash the "franken" kid,,the black sheep.. im very depressed and sad even though i am richly blessed those demons just keep tapping my shoulder  i want them gone and i want to enjoy my life and not have to take some pill(other than an occasional xanax) i am happy i just wanna know how to enjoy it,like i have so much happy in my
life but i cant feel it ..im crazy?? i have ocd.... and some other intresting diagnoses.

Pen

Theseeker, I sent you an email regarding what this site can do and not do for you. We're not qualified to deal with serious emotional/mental issues, but are great cheerleaders for those who are working on positive change :)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

theseeker

 :P im looking for positive things and i appreciate your kindness

JudyJudyJudy

Theseeker,

There are many children whose fathers abandon when they remarry.  Normally, the mothers do not do that kind of thing but it happens with some men.  I don't know why it happens, but it seems like it has nothing to do with the children but how the men feel about their exes and possibly their new wives demand it. 

Sorry it happened to you along with many, many others out there like you.  Just know it is not you.  When it bothers you, stop and ask yourself how anyone could willingly abandon a child and know it is not you.

Lots of Hugs to You!

sesamejane

Hi Theseeker,

It sounds like things are pretty rough right now and raw.  It is time to take care of  yourself and let go of all else for now. 

When I am taking care of myself, I prepare healthy foods that nourish me, I take walks and pay attention to the beauty around me like listening to the birds or noticing the light playing on the leaves, I visit or talk to friends who care about me, sometimes I have a private 'spa day.' 

I mean I spend a lot of time taking care of my body: I scrub my whole self with an exfoiliant (salt mixed with olive oil and a nice essential oil, usually lavender for me - make sure the salt is completely soaked through with the oil), I let that all sink in. Oh and also put some oil on my hair. Then I take a hot shower / bath to soak in.  I scrub the callouses on my feet and wash my hair very well.  the scrub is so moisturizing, I don't need anything else. Pedicure and manicure follows, but I am not the nail polish type; I just trim, file, buff and moisturize.  Then I make a nice hot cup of tea and watch a great movie - preferably a classic or a new one with a lot of insight.  I might read a great self-help book and also listen to some soothing music.  Sometimes I take myself out to the movies all by myself - I actually enjoy it that way when I am in a melancholy kind of mood.

Anyway, that's what I do when I have to deal with my abandonment issues.  Also, here's a poem that speaks to me:

http://ublach.blogspot.com/2007/06/time-somebody-told-me.html

I wish you the best.  Keep posting, keep reading, and take care of yourself.   :-*

Pen

Jane, your suggestions are spot on & the poem is amazing. I love how you nurture your inner child :) I needed this post today; thank you.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Doe

When I need cheering up, I look for "Happy" things that I don't normally do. 

Yesterday, we went to watch a college football game at a gathering at a bar in another town.  I usually watch the games at home with only my dogs who startle when I cheer for the team (DH isn't into football).  We walked into a huge party - cheering, singing, happy people.  It was great fun!  Roll Tide!

I read something recently about the value of 'weak ties' - people who don't have to be your best friends but who play a role in helping keep a person in touch with real life, present time around them.  I think sometimes those can be spiritual guides in a way as much as the profound, deeper ones.

I mean, I didn't actually read the article - it looked like a scholarly piece, but I read the title and got some ideas of my own. 

Pen

Good point, Doe. We need to value those weak ties as we do our stronger ones. Thank you for the information, it hits home with me today.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

sesamejane



Pooh

I used to like Doe before that whole "Roll Tide" thing.....   :D  GO VOLS!!!! (even though they stink to high heaven this year! Lol)

Welcome theseeker.  So sorry for your loss and all the drama that seems to be involved with it.  That's it though...it's their drama.  You don't have to let it be yours.  Sounds like you loved your Dad and I'm sure he knew it.  It also sounds like you have a good life and have done well for yourself.  Don't let what others want to think take away from your accomplishments.  Stay strong and know that you are a good person.  Concentrate on yourself for a change and do something nice just for you like Jane suggested.  You deserve it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell