I pray every night God will take me ....Where do I start.....

[luise.volta]

Put another way: I once complained to DH that I wished things would roll off me the way they do him. He never drops into a black hole due to being super-sensitive. And what he said was that, yes, that was the pits but I needed to be reminded that he never reaches the heights of joy I'm familiar with either.

[2chickiebaby]

That's beautiful, Luise.  I never thought of it that way.  I'm looking for the "heights of joy" around every corner now!!  I used to have them but these things have overwhelmed me and I can't feel anything but that anymore.

I would give anything to not be so sensitive!! It never ocurred to me that others weren't sensitve at all.  I guess they aren't.  I'm afraid that I got all the sensitivity and zero of the stiff upper lip!!  I wish I had common sense instead, that way I could work things out in my stupid head.

[cocobars]

I seemed to get alot of the sensitivity too!  I know how you feel, Chickie!

Your sensitivity is reason to just love you so much more! 

[Marilyn]

I'm sensitive too chickie.But i cant help but wonder about your situation,i can't get it out of my mind.You have to talk to DIL,not your son.

I see this as abuse,how do some of you other women see this?

[luise.volta]

I don't think there are very many ways to fight that kind of abuse when you are that sensitive except to remove yourself, Chickie. Didn't you say you have been trying everything in the book for what...17 years? It seems to me the bottom line is survival. I think I'd remake my life without them as opposed to having my life be over because of them. You are so precious.

[Hope]

Reang and Chickie,
I ache for both of you and send my love.  I know it's easier said than done, but I hope you take to heart what Luise advised......."It seems to me the bottom line is survival. I think I'd remake my life without them as opposed to having my life be over because of them."  I think you are sensitive because you feel so much love and want to be loved in return.  It's human nature to want to be loved, especially by those closest to us.  Counseling is always a good idea when in despair.  Some counselors advise to journal each day.  I went to a counselor at a time in my life that I was feeling very negative and she told me to write down five positive things that happened to me at the close of each day.  I like to look back at what I wrote from time to time.  I certainly don't have the answers, but I find so much wisdom in what other women write in their posts. 
Sending you my love and hugs,
Hope

[Frauke]

There is only so much pain a soul can take before the spirit takes over to begin healing.   I am very familiar with your situation.  , I am living it.  Many women in here are living it so you have come to the right place.  A good friend once said that we mothers tend to personalize things and make them our fault because that is what mother's do best, carry the burdens of our children.  So I challenge you to  turn it around, everytime you think of what you could have done wrong, what thing you said that was wrong, just silence your thoughts, go to a place within yourself and tell yourself "I am loved and I will love in return and forgive them their anger so that my own spirit may soar with the winds again and not be held prisoner by anyone".  I wrote that one day after contemplating doing something horrible to myself, thank God I didn't because I matter if to no one else, at least to myself.  Yes I was also a wonderful mother, but this is not my lesson to learn, it is my childs lesson to learn as it is your childs lesson to learn. so do not take your childs burden any longer as your own, it is not your burden to bear.

Silence

[cocobars]

This is such good advice, Silence.  I have to say that I found another great exercise by mistake.  I wrote an email to someone else and they responded to me a day later.  When I opened their email, my letter had been quoted above theirs, so I read it (not realizing it was from me) and was infuriated that someone would treat this loving woman that way.

Then I realized it was my letter...

Now, occasionally I write a letter and sometimes mail it to myself.  When I open the letter a day or two later (I wait so that I can forget what I wrote a little), I read this letter with my mind prepared to read it as if it were from someone else.  This one simple exercise has taught me that I have been too eager to take blame and pain from others, and it has also helped me to see things in myself that I didn't even know before.

What you have said is so true about mothers in particular.  We have taken on blame for out children at a young age and I believe it has carried on through their adult years.  At least for me it has.  Sometimes it's good to step back, and look at myself as others might see me.  I've found I have been happier with myself in that process.

Thank you for your wisdom here, Silence.

Sending you hugs...

[Carolina Gal]

Pray to God for strength and do not hesitate to seek help.   There are a lot of sensitive people out there - I think we have a good number right here within this website - thank goodness!  Sometimes it does truly boil down to survival and recognizing our limits to endure pain.  When an issue cuts deep into my heart, I try to compartmentalize it - that is "put it in an imaginary box" and place it on an imaginary shelf.  Then focus on things in your life that bring you happines.  You are not ignoring or denying the problem.  Just accepting that it is not one within your power to resolve.  Sadly, these are the problems that can disturb us the most.  I "take the box" out from time to time and question if I can effect the situation in a positive way.  If not, it goes back on the shelf.  I think this is a survival technique.  I do not like the pain and think I deserve better - as I am sure you do.  I also know this is not as simple as it sounds.  I also give my worst problems to God.  He can carry the pain while I try to survive it with some measure of grace and dignity.  There is no shame in choosing life and happiness and using whatever method you need to achieve it for yourself.  You do not know where this road will lead and we can only help others if we first take care of ourselves.  Years down the road, you will not be able to contribute well if you become a broken person.  Get angry and fight through this horrible situation.  You have every reason to be angry and anger can be a good motivator.  My prayers and thought will be with you.  I am sure you have God as an ally and you can take steps to gather some others to help you as you can take steps to treating yourself with the love I know you have in your heart.  I hope this can help is some small way.....   

[cremebrulee]

reang10

Hello and welcome...I'm very sorry to read that you are having to endure this time...however, I really believe time will mend all these wounds....just be patient, and work on yourself and your own self worth and happiness right now.  I know it's easier said then done, and I also realize, what your daughter is saying to you, is not only hurtful, but damaging and embarrassing.  When I was going thru problems with my son and DIL...that is how I felt, not to mention, depressed a lot...however, I would talk myself out of it and the first thing I had to learn is self confidence, and not worry about what others are saying or believing...those who know you and care, will not be judgemental...and phooy with the rest of them...next thing I worked on was realizing that my son was no longer my baby/child
or purpose, not to mention...I had to learn to allow...which is very hard to do, when we mothers are so used to controlling our children's lives for so long...we must come to terms with change...and we humans all react differently to change, sometimes change will un nerve people, to the point of becoming stressful and damaging health wise.  So, I started to realize, how to evaluate my own situation thru self examination and listening to others...

Our children were for a good part of our lives, our purpose...when they leave, that purpose is taken away...in your case. this shock to your system was compounded by her going to live with her father, which is very difficult to deal with...I know.  What I also had to realize is...that now it's his turn to live his life...it's his life, and I had to let go...period....funny, how when our children leave home, we don't realize this....we forget that we were young once to, and how annoyed we'd become with our parents when they tried to tell us how to be, what to do, and how to think, when we were grown up enough to leave home. 

I would if you can, seek some counseling...and in the meantime, work on you , one day at a time....if you can, I would start making plans for you....make a list of things you've always wanted to do, but could never do them, and accomplish them....someone once told me a long time ago, and I found out it is so true, is, one must make plans for themselves so that we have something to look forward to...no matter how small...maybe going out to dinner, going to a class, goingt to a festival, but do it...maybe take a bus trip....plan a weekend getaway, with your other daughter...but do things for yourself at least once a month.

I hope in some small way, I've helped...please continue to use this site to vent and look for insight and positive thoughts

and I have to say one more thing...you can pray as much as you want, for God to take you, but it isn't going to happen, until your journey is complete...and obviously, you've still got very important things to do, accomplish and remody, this being one of them. 

God doesn't wave a magic wand and make things all better...what he does is, give us his GIFT of life, a brain, the ability to reason and make choices...life is a gift, and to wish to not have it, is like slapping God right across the face....God also gives us free will...and for some reason, we all must go thru the things we do...I've also found, that thru self examination, comes many many many answers....

What I would suggest, is, when your confused about things that have happened...write them down here, and together we can all trouble shoot this.

Hugs Creme

[Carolina Gal]

If you can imagine an enormous tree threatening your household.  God will not remove that tree for you, however he (and faith) will give you the inner and physical strength to chop it down and remove the threat.
These conflicts threaten our families and our personal peace of mind.
My youngest son once came home and told me that he had been told that it was bad to be angry.  I told him that that was not entirely true.  Sometimes anger is a good motivator.  It depends on how you use that anger and what prompted that anger.  It also is important that the anger does not turn inward and become malicious.  There is a story in the Bible where Jesus was so inflamed with the populous that he threw tables in rejection of what he say occurring in the marketplace.
If we have any principles at all, the actions we are enduring will naturally cause anger.  We have to take on this battle or allow the situation to crush us........

[2chickiebaby]

that's a beautiful example, Carolina. 

[Louey0727]

Dear Members:
re: post from Reang 10
I read this post from Reang 10 and I cried and I literally could feel her pain. 
Now what I am about say,may not be  true, as I am  not a constant viewer/writer on this forum.  I happen to have the greatest respect for the older members who give such comfort and help to the needy.
I found, maybe I am incorrect, that Reang 10 was not getting support but that the posters were thanking each other for their posts and were not addressing the member who really needed a lot of supportive answers.  Now I could be wrong and I do not want to appear "a know it all".  I sensed there  a long-time connection with posters who will comment back to each other about their posts but not directly their replies to the actual member who is seeking help.
Please make me see that I am wrong as I do not want to offend anyone.

I pray every night God will take me ....Where do I start.....
« on: February 21, 2010, 08:44:39 PM »QuoteMy daughter is 17 and is grauating from high school this year. about 1 year ago she and her sister moved in with her dad saying I was a terrible mom. Well my youngest has moved back with me and she has blossumed into a wonderful child but my oldest hates me I read some texts she had send her younger sister one evening and I was horrified she lied about things I had done to her such as full fisting her in the head 14 times . I NEVER did or would do such a thing even my youngest daughter was shocked and asked her what is wrong with you thats not true/=..... well my ex husband of course believes all my oldest says and will not help me with my relationshio with my oldest daughter even tho I make sure our youngest child stays in touch with him. Now its come down to my oldest has told everyone all these lies and they believe her because she is a straight honor roll student and really a good kid so they cant see her as lying and my youngest is mad at her dad and will not call him anymore . I cry every night I do not know what happened with my oldest ...I try to talk to her and she leaves or drives away she refuses to even answer anything. My doctor told me that she is actually upset with herself and just taking it out on me but I think there is a mental problem going on and the reason she wont ever call or come see me is because I am the only one that knows her lies about me. Now here it is graduation time and I planned on a small party for her the reason I did was because I knew her dad would have one and say I invited your mom but she didnt show which is exactly what he did ....i cant go on like this someone please help I want to not be depressed every day and cry every night and I pray to die each night ...anyone if your out there please help me

[cocobars]

Hi Helen!

I can see where just reading through the posts, it would appear that was going on.  I remember when her post came through and I believe it was written at night (from what I recall), and this post sat for awhile unanswered until MIW responded.  I was the next response and didn't write my post until the next day.  I felt bad about that and was afraid her feelings had been hurt by such a long wait, but she had posted at a time that was late at night.  If you look through the first posts, the women are responding directly to Reang.  I believe there is nothing wrong with encouraging eachother in our heartfelt words and compassion though, and if you will scroll through this entire posting, you will see Reang never wrote back.  The fact that we did get sidetracked during this post, I believe was more related to the fact that we hadn't heard back from her, more than anything else.  I'm sorry you feel this way, and hope you will scroll through and see that although this was an important post, she was absent past that first posting.  I believe if she had kept writing, we would be looking at more posts written directly to her, addressing her issues and giving her love and support. 

We are all here to support and understand eachother.  Sometimes I believe women are holding back because they don't feel their opinions are good enough to write down, while they may have some wonderful ideas and experiences that may be witheld.  While each poster is important, especially in light of what this one says, I still feel it is important to each of us to hear feedback from eachother as well.  I think a good pat on the back is encouraging and supportive!  Please look through again, and see if you can see what I'm saying.  If not, then I'm sorry.  It's simply how I feel.

[Louey0727]

Dear Cocobars:
Thank you for for your explanation and your view.
I did look back through all the posts and you are correct on two counts, Reang did not continue to respond and second there was definitely support, wisdom and understanding from the other members.
I believe that I was being a little selfish in thinking that the only responses; re:Reang would be to Reang.
When I read her post I became quite upset of what had happened to her and I put myself in her shoes and was hoping for a quick fix from the members.  I know realize that we are all here to help, listen and give support to the post but also feed back from the members is just as important.  I will not jump to my own conclusions again and will not to forget to read throughly all the responses.  Sometimes when you are so depressed you dwell on only your problems and wish for immediate relief and this is where the "selfish part" comes in, you think you are alone! 
Again I apologize if I came across as 'close-minded'.  I know that this site is a "life line" in so many ways and I forgot that the members did respond with sensitivity to my posts and it helped me immensely "with not sinking" more into my depression.
Your feelings are right, cocobars, and I hope I did not upset any member by my post!