I pray every night God will take me ....Where do I start.....

[luise.volta]

Among the 200 of us here, there are probably as many concepts of God as there are definitions of love.  The unity we feel here when there is so much diversity is so consoling. We have believers, non-believers, people in organized religion and some who are spiritual but not religious. Isn't that amazing?

[cocobars]

It is amazing!  And there are no arguments over belief systems here.  How amazing that so many diverse women can be on one site and accept eachother with such different views!  Truth is different for each one of us, but we are all still listening, validating and offering compassion and love to eachother in this place to anyone who reaches for it.  It is an amazing group to have those things in common...

[Pen]

Yes, it is amazing and a true blessing. When the agenda is compassion and understanding rather than winning and destroying, beautiful things happen! Luise and Chickie set the tone when this site was born.

[luise.volta]

There is a common denominator, I think, in our diversity...Love! 

[cocobars]

Beautifully put!

[renny97]

I've noticed that too. WE are so diverse, but we all listen and there is no bashing here. The respect we do not receive from family, we get here. There is no judgment, simply, real genuine concern. We can still be protective and support each other without being viewed and penalized as in our current situations.

I don't believe I have ever seen an internet site be any more helpful. Truly.
God Bless our honorary fairy godmother. She tells the truth in a simple way. She's taught us to respect ourselves again. We are not "what they say we are." Amen.

[chickenmom]

AMEN!

[2chickiebaby]

Luise, that has to be the hardest blow of all.  I'm so glad you heard from him in that small voice that he was okay.  I'll always remember that.

[cocobars]

Luise, that has to be the hardest blow of all.  I'm so glad you heard from him in that small voice that he was okay.  I'll always remember that.

I would be interested in hearing this story someday!  I don't believe I've heard it yet.

[luise.volta]

C/C - Well, shoot. I'll try once more:

Val and I were out shopping on June 20, 2000 and when we came back the phone was flashing that we had a Voicemail. It was my grandson who is a defense attorney and was once an Army Ranger saying, "Grammalu, Grammalu...call me right away, something terrible has  happened!" I turned to Val and said, "Dwight is dead. Nothing else would unhinge Ben like that." And I heard a voice that said, "I'm fine, Mom."

(He was apparently healthy but died in his sleep of a stroke caused by sleep apnea back before they knew what to do about that.)

[Carolina Gal]

Hello reang10.  Welcome and I hope you find the comfort you need here when you come.  God is probably the only reason I can smile.  I joke and say I keep him in my back pocket at all times.  This type of conflict tears your heart out and I am not sure if the wound will ever really heal....even if there is reconcilement, the trust is totally destroyed and though we can forgive from our hearts, so many times we are unable to forget.  Wedges have been built in the relationships and we begin to protect ourselves - the relationship can no longer be open and free as maybe it was before. By giving your pain to God and coming here, you have begun to work towards healing.  I know that the pain is intolerable and you wonder if you can survive it.  It will smack you down some days in the future, but hopefully you will stand back up and over time life will feel better.  Your situation is so unfair and the biggest problem is that you are not in control of it.  So much of the situation is outside of your control.  You can only control how you react to it.
Please do not hesitate to seek professional counsel.  During some of my most painful times in life I have spent time with a psychologist.  I was lucky and found good ones and walked away with some good insight and advice.  I think they give us a private forum to openly work through the emotions and situation.  It is always good to see things from another perspective.  I can say that it helped me get the problem on a more mental level rather than stuck in the pain.  Please go get some help if the pain increases or does not lessen with time.  If money is a problem, some do reduce or eliminate fees contingent upon your situation-just ask.
It helps me a great deal to know I am not alone with my estrangement with my first born son.  I am trying to accept that the situation may worsen or never repair.  I think if I can face that I can begin to truly move on.  I have not gotten there yet.
Hang in there and come here often and whenever your heart leads you.  I am not a frequent poster, however do read the posts most days.  I know there are a wonderful group of people here and I always find comfort-along with God's comfort.

[cocobars]

What a beautiful post, Carolina!  I agree!

[luise.volta]

What a clear and supportive way to describe the benefits you have gotten from counseling, C/G. I am receiving it right now as my DH's life winds down and my caregiving duties increase. No matter how much those near and dear care about both of us...we are behind closed doors dealing with it. My counseling  is through a county agency for seniors and I go weekly. For me, it's a lifeline to balance and coping.

[Carolina Gal]

I do think that some individuals never developmentally get to the point, as l/volta stated, of being able to love and care for another person over and beyond themselves - altruism.  That, in itself, is a blessing.  It may exacerbate some of the pain we are working through, however we all should be so very proud that we are able to experience the level of love that is possible in us all.  I once heard that you can only feel joy to the height equal to the depth you have felt pain.  The "silver lining" ladies?

[cocobars]

I do think that some individuals never developmentally get to the point, as l/volta stated, of being able to love and care for another person over and beyond themselves - altruism.  That, in itself, is a blessing.  It may exacerbate some of the pain we are working through, however we all should be so very proud that we are able to experience the level of love that is possible in us all.  I once heard that you can only feel joy to the height equal to the depth you have felt pain.  The "silver lining" ladies?

YES!!!!!!!!!!  I'm a believer!  Where do I sign up?