Re: My only adult daughter finds fault in everything I do - New Member

[ariat]

patty, my 24 yr daughter does the same... she only texts while I prefer phone calls. But in the past few months she won't hardly text me back. When i ask her later why she couldn't text me back she tells me she got busy.  How is it that our adult children are always too busy to text us at least once a week? I don't understand it.

[Keys Girl]

Ariat, I think the "I'm busy" excuse can be used for many reasons.  Our adult children may be more interested in spending time with their friends or just don't wan't to be bothered.  I used to get that from my adult son, but them I got busy so I don't miss his excuses.  There isn't any way to understand it, we didn't have Facebook and the internet to provide a shield from visiting our relatives when we were younger.  Your daughter could always call you half the time and then text half the time, so you get a little bit of what you prefer, but she chooses not to.  It's hard to accept that our children want us to deal with them for their convenience and preference, if at all.

[pam1]

Welcome ariat

Please read the Forum Agreement and History of WWU (both are the top two posts highlighted in pink) in the category Open Me First.  We ask all new members to do so not b/c there is anything wrong with your post.

I moved your post to it's own thread so our posters can see we have a new member.  I believe we have many that will be able to relate and support you.  Glad you found us.

[lancaster lady]

Hi ariat and welcome .....

Repeating myself here ....no more texts or calls , be busy when they want you ...it works ...

[theseeker]

my girls are evil mean and nasty lol. but also very caring and loving [when I have problems] they are there for me. my eldest was a bad teen we got into fist fights    younger one is just a female jim carey and a [smarty pants].. i love them they ahve seen me act a fool for a few times,i wasnt perfect. but they never did without and they knew i loved them unconditionaly.and they know this still today. even when they still say things that hurt me,i say stuff i think is helping i guess hurts them..


hell being a parent is a rewarding loving challenging job.i love it and i cannot say i have any dislikes except the time flies too quickly they grow too fast...

[Pen]

Hey, theseeker, just a heads up that I modified your post slightly to keep it within the Forum Agreement guidelines. I think I managed to keep your original intent intact

[theseeker]

looks fine ty for working with my 

[JudyJudyJudy]

Once a week text is not so bad compared to some children who treat their parents like they do not exist.  Even though you probably worry every day, try not to worry and be glad you have an independent child who is giving you space to live your life as well.

I think as mothers we learned early on that our lives belong to our children and after they are grown, it is difficult for us to realize that we get our lives back.  It's time for us to see that we have been putting all our love into our children and now they are out in their lives finding new love.  It is OK.  It is mostly our lack of love in our own lives that causes us this pain of separation.

Hope you can sit back and be grateful for what you do have and try not to worry about your child -- just try to tell yourself you did a good job as a mother and now it is time for you to find your own happiness.

[sesamejane]

Yes ariat, I can attest to the fact that if you back off, your child will come around.  I posted similarly to you some months back.  then I just stopped contacting them (mydds).  Now they call me with some frequency, and they seem happier and more relaxed with me.  I guess I came across as too *needy" and it was uncomfortable for them.  I focused on my life, made new friends, took up some new hobbies, and got busy.  sometimes I actually have to say, "can I call you back hon?  I was just leaving to ...." Now they seem to have pride in me and brag about me to others.  It's kind of nice, and I am enjoying my life a lot more.  Growing out of the mothering thing and into the "hot stuff" at 60 thing...just kidding...maybe not...

[JudyJudyJudy]

My daughter used to criticize everything I did too until I stood up to her.  Now she is giving me the silent treatment...not seen my grandson in over two months!

I let her get by with putting me down in the past and that was wrong.  It seems like it only gets worse when you allow that to happen.  I am not sure what I would have done differently because I tried everything to make it stop.  She often accused me of saying things I did not say.  She even told her friends and some of my friends and made them angry with me over something I never said.  Also, she told every secret she knew about me to her husband's family and even made some things up.  On one occasion a friend of hers called and she told her she was talking to me on the other phone.  Her friend said, "Oh, your mom...she is sooooo sweet!".  My daughter's response was "Yeah, that's what she tells everyone."  and then told me she said it.

So, even though I love my daughter and miss my grandson, my life is better without her in it.  It does get hard at times when you worry about them so that is something I am working on in counseling now.