December 14, 2019, 05:35:30 am


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In praise of the WWU forum

Started by forever spring, November 04, 2011, 12:30:35 am

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forever spring

Hello All,
I read the past thread with interest and copied some replies from it which have given me a lot of insight into my own situation. Clearly we cannot agree on everything all the time. IMO the discussion of different points of view is very important and at the same time really enlightening.

Moonchild wrote:

"Not all DILs are quick to adopt their husband's family as their own right off the bat, so perhaps she did not feel close to the one who passed, but I would assume she did console your DS over his loss in private and isn't that what matters. Just because a woman may be 'cold' to others it doesn't mean that she isn't warm and loving in private with those she is close to and comfortable with. I believe I have stated in posts before that I do realize I tend to come off 'standoffish' with my FILs - FDH points it out all of the time - however he also knows that I am just trying to find my niche with his family as they tend to be quite different from mine; it is not that I do not like them, I just haven't found my comfort level with them.

I'm sure my DIL could have written the same things as it describes our situation exactly. I've always tried to see things from her point of view also but maybe I either haven't tried hard enough or we are just so different that there is no common base. I don't know yet but I do know that I have to give it time. Thanks for this post, Moonchild. You like my DIL are loving wives and that counts for a lot.

Luise said:
I once had a situation where, when I looked closely at it, I could see that the other person would have to be someone else to comply. I just had to let it go and move on because I actually wanted him to be somebody else.

That is the most difficult but the wisest thing to do. 'Let it be ...'

Pen posted:
AM, I'm still not ready to discuss our unequal treatment. I'm a big ol' chicken when it somes to self-advocacy. I have three jobs around DS & DIL: 1) don't cry  2)don't bring up problems & 3) don't talk about my needs or desires.

I'm thinking I should have planned more family activities that included DS & DIL. I should have filled up a more equal amount of time on their calendar & in their memory banks. I could have given DS family photos, nicely framed. We didn't do that because we were backing off and letting the newlyweds make their own way. What we didn't realize was that DIL's FOO would ooze into that vacuum and completely take over.
Now that I see this in writing I realize that may not have worked either. We couldn't have competed w/ the ILs financially, and the comparison between our activities and theirs would have been laughable. But I could have tried harder to put together camping trips, hikes, gallery crawls, beach days, etc. Perhaps DS would have enjoyed doing that stuff again. Maybe it's not too late?

That's exactly the situation I find myself in at the moment. I struggle with this no end and it is the great disappointment of my life. I have taken a stoical attitude to it for the moment, just hope that it won't raise its ugly head in deteriation of my health in the future. I try to laugh a lot and look after my sense of humour as a tonic. On top of that I do have a great DH.

I just wanted to post this here to illustrate how wonderful this forum is and how much insight and food for thought is has given me in the past few months. I do feel for everybody who posts their woes here. The best thing we can do IS NEVER TO GIVE UP HOPE AND GIVE OUR RELATIONSHIPS A CHANCE!


chelmsford, laughter is the best medicine.  What's your funny bone?  I might be able to help you out there.  I *love* the Chelsea Handler books but they are a little raunchy so I don't recommend it for those who don't go for that kind of stuff.  DH says I have the lowest form of humor  ::)  But what does he know haha

Being stoic is strong of you but you gotta get it out somewhere.  Kickboxing? 

ps I'm glad you found that exchange interesting, that's what we're going for here :)
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift


C - Thanks for the overview and vote of confidence.

Bungie jumping?
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

forever spring

Great advice, bungee jumping or kickboxing- o dear, but you are right the stoic in me may need to vent by doing something extraordinary physical!

Love stand-up comedy in all its forms.  Thanks for the link, I didn't know Chelsea's programme as I live in Europe but will tune into youtube occasionally to see her latest show. Enjoy your day!


I couldn't agree more about keeping  healthy sense of humor! I used to have one of those myself!! LOL (still trying :-)

I too am grateful for this group even though I just got here. I already feel less alone than I have in quite some time.



We can be a family of sorts...willing to listen even though we can't fix it. Sometimes just being heard can fix it on some level. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama