My son doesn't need me for his surgery.

[Pooh]

More great news.  I'm sure he is going to be just fine and glad he's keeping in touch.

[lancaster lady]

Sons are precious and I am glad he's recovering .
He'll soon be out for a visit .

[nikncon]

 :)New update.My son is doing better.He has no swelling left.He is still on a liquid diet so he has lost twenty pounds.I hope that  after another five weeks he can go back to regular food.I really don't know how he does it.He called me tonight just to chat .I had a younger son who :passed away ten years ago at the age of twenty young.I also lost my first husband two years prior to my son's death.I do worry too much about my son's health and happiness but he seems to be doing well considering all that we have through. His fiance is a very sweet young lady so I hope that everything tbing goes well for them.Enough for tonight.Merry Christmas Nd a very special New Year to everyone of you kind ladies.

[pam1]

nikncon, I'm glad your DS is doing well and that he has a good support system.  I can imagine how scary/hard this is for you, big hugs.

[Pooh]

Glad to hear he's healing well.  Keep doing what you are doing with him.  It's obvious he appreciates it.

[Sassy]

I love happy stories.  Glad to hear about your son's progress.  He is lucky to have a mom who loves him so much.

[nikncon]

THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT.I NEED MORE ADVICE.ABOUT MY SON. BUT NOW ABOUT HIM AND  HIS FIANCE.I HAVE ONLY MET HER ONCE.SEEMS TO BE A VERY NICE YOUNG WOMAN.THEY GOT ENGAGED AFTER GOING OUT FOR NINE MONTHS AND WERE SUPPOSE TO GET MARRIED NEXT JUNE.WE EMBRACED THE IDEA AND WERE VERY HAPPY FOR HIM.HE IS 36 AND HAS NEVER BEEN MARRIED.HE HAS HAD A FEW SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS BUT I THOUGHT THIS WAS  THE ONE.SHE TOOK VERY GOOD CARE OF HIM AFTER HIS SURGERY.THE PROBLEM IS SHE HAS A THREE YEAR OLD SON.THIS WAS GREAT NEWS TO ME SINCE WE DON'T HAVE GC.SHE HAS NEVER  BEEN MARRIED BUT THE FATHER OF THIS BOY IS IN THE PICTURE AND QUITE ACTIVELY WHICH IS GREAT.MY SON LOVES THE CHILD  AND WOULD TREAT HIM AS HIS OWN.TODAY MY DS TOLD ME THEY WERE PUTTING OFF THE JUNE WEDDING.I ASKED IF IT HAD TO DO WITH THE CHILD.HE SAID THAT TODAY HIS FIANCE SAID THAT SHE WOULD RATHER NOT SEE MY DS TONIGHT BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO SPEND TIME ALONE WITH HER DS.WHAT???IF SHE WANTS TO MARRY MY SON AND LOVES HIM WOULD SHE NOT WANT HIM AROUND AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE?THEY DON'T LIVE TOGETHER YET.THE CHILD IS SUPPOSE TO GO LIVE WITH HIS DAD IN THE FALL AS HE IS STARTING SCHOOL AND THAT IS THE ARRANGEMENTS THAT WERE MADE.SO ON WEEKENDS AND HOLIDAYS HE WOULD BE WITH THE FIANCE.ANY THOUGHTS?I KNOW THAT MY DS LOVES HER AND HER DS BUT WILL HE HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE WHEN SHE GETS THE CHILD FOR THE WEEKEND AND SHE WANTS TO SPEND TIME ALONE WITH HER DS?I FEEL REALLY BSD FOR MY DS.ANY SUGGESTIONS?SORRY I AM WRITING SO MUCH I AM SO UPSET AT THE MOMENT SINCE MY DS HAS GONE THROUGH A LOT IN LIFE AND THOUGHT THAT HE HAD FOUND THE ONE??THE CHILD GOES BACK AND FORTH A FEW TIMES A WEEK FROM MOM TO DAD AND DAYCARE AND GP.

[Doe]

Hey Nikncon-

I think you should learn the art of keeping quiet and just nodding your head.  This is something that they have to work out between the two of them.  I think anything you do to try to influence the situation could back fire on you.

I know it's frustrating.  I tried to get my DS to wait to wed DIL till they got a handle on the screaming fights that regularly occurred and that went over like a ton of bricks. And it set me up for future yuckiness with DIL.   You have to take a deep breath and keep breathing with your mouth closed, even though  you're about to explode.

[Doe]

P.S.  For what it's worth, writing in all Caps is the equivalent of shouting on the internet. Just sayin'.  Some people don't know that.

[PatiencePlease]

You have a great relationship with your son.  Appreciate his openness with you and trust that he will work this out with his fiance one way or another.  A child does complicate/enrich the relationship.  Just see how everything unfolds. 

[Sassy]

I think it's refreshing that a young sibgle mother wants to spend some time to devote to her very, very young son.  She should do that.  The child deserves some mommy time all to himself.  Taking care of her child's needs must come first, above all else. Trust that your son and his fiance will work out what they need to work out.  And if..eventually.... even if it doesn't work out between them as a couple, it will still work out for him.  You raised a great man.  He's 36 and hasn't even hit his hot Clooney 40's yet.  There is no expiration date on a bachelor. 

I wouldn't ask a lot of questions, Nik.  I think it would be extra wise to try to resist the temptation to "guess" at "problems" when he opens up to you about things.  Timing for weddings is not a problem, it just is what it is.  It's hard not to want to see them move forward, I know.  But as you already know, they do have to move at their own pace.  It's the smartest thing to do.  You can continue to help him a lot by just listening when he comes to you to talk.   Listen with love, and make sure not to pick, plant or pry.   As we all know here - that having someone loving just listen is sometimes the very exact best thing we need! 

[nikncon]

Thanks Sassy.Very kind words.I do hope that they can work things out.My DS works with young children every day in his careerso I' m sure that he wouldn't resent his D F from spending time with her young child.But if she doen't want my  my DS around now when she wants alone time with the child that would not constitute a bvery lgood base for a marriage.I am not meddling or giving advice.I am only listenimg when my DS does mention something about their relationship.I have sent gifts for the three of them although her ex would not trade  weekends so that she could bring him to our home for the weekend.We haven't met him yet.Since I taught Kindergarden for 31 yrs I was so hoping  to get to know the little guy .Oh well time will tell.I just hate to see my DS so sad and so near the holidays .I did the best at raising my sons and that's all a parent can do.Hoping for happiness in my DS 's life.

[Pooh]

Definately don't ask questions nik.  Just listen.  There could be so many more scenarios going on and all assumptions at this point.  Mom time alone with a little one, or any age to me is good.  Or Dad time.  Every parent should spend one on one time with a child, IMO.  I think it's important.  Also, she could be feeling bad about not being married but having the little one there on the weekends.  I know me and my DH, when we were dating and engaged were very concerned about what our sleeping schedule looked like to SD.  We wanted her to know that we respected values of "not married" people staying together.  Nothing wrong with it as we were living together, but it bugged us because of having a minor around and the impression it would make on her.  So on her weekends with her Dad, I would go back to my house many times.  It always made us feel weird until we were married because neither of us were raised to "live together". Circumstances with my job and moving caused us to do it and although I'm not ashamed of it, there were times that I did feel some shame when SD was there.

So you never know and what she is trying to do is more than likely a parenting decision that she is trying to make.  That actually speaks well for her.

[sesamejane]

I agree that there is so much more information that you are not aware of.  I often have to remind myself that I do not have all the answers in my own life, let alone having the answers in the lives of others!  I have learned that what I think is best sometimes is not. I know now that I dont' want to be responsible for the decisions in others lives - it could come back and bite me on the behind when things do not turn out well!

I like the nodding and saying nothing routine with ds.  In the long run, it will preserve your relationship with him...and her if they marry.

[firelight]

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your son the way he communicates and texts you, etc... It shows you've been a wonderful mom to him. 

Whatever adjustment they're going through...whether it's truly spending time with just her son for the weekend or if something else is underlying....IF there is something underlying then it's best it comes to surface before the "I do's" happen. 

Maybe these are just growing pains like all relationships have and best not to get too deeply in your comments or you could be standing there with egg on your face....even though I totally get how you feel.  We can't take back our words should we express our parental feelings too much....don't we know it!  (made that mistake before)

We love our kids so much and only want what's good and pain free for them....the moms that we are.  Just be there for your son if he needs it. 

I think you're doing beautifully.  :-)