DS and DIL have re-entered my life with same old pattern

[cocobars]

Thank you Chickie!  I happen to think we all are!  This site is precious and safe, and we are all so special here!  There is not one person who doesn't belong!

[luise.volta]

Good for you for not letting the learning curve that is part of any online discussion group stop you.  In your last post, it's clear that you have not let what has happened in your personal life stop you, either. That's one of the characteristics of a WiseWoman!

In one way or another, it's the lessons we all of seem to be learning: that we aren't our circumstances and we aren't other people hang-ups; which means we aren't their punching bags. We're more than that. We use each other as mirrors the reflect back how much more. There's a "mantra" for you! more! When we get stuck in *less," we see it everywhere we look.

You sound better. You have found an e-family of your own, beyond your biology. I love it when you wrote about wanting to help others here. That's what comes to the surface when we are nurtured, we nurture. The way to do that is to read the posts others have written and then hit "Reply" and type and send a message back to them like we are doing with you. It will all come. This computer stuff is pretty logical it seems to me and I was in my 70s before I tapped my first key. Bravo for you!

[Pen]

TK, I see hope in that you are conquering the PC and learning how to maneuver around this site! Welcome, and good on you.

Adding to our skills and competencies is a great way to ward off feelings of isolation and worthlessness, if that's an issue. I still remember the day when it dawned on me that to some people I was "old and in the way." As the saying goes, I wish I was as old now as I thought I was back then   Anyway, in a society that doesn't value its more experienced members, especially women, we need to keep learning, upgrading our skills, and replenishing our own feelings of worth and vitality. Thanks for the reminder! I need to work on this daily.

The posters on this site have really helped me with this! There's a lot of talent, wisdom and support here.

[luise.volta]

And...we are just two members short of being 200 strong! We are so diversified and scattered...and so connected and committed. What a concept!! viva la WiseWomen!!!

[Pen]

Whoo-hoo! Noisemakers and confetti ready!

[renny97]

WWU! Kudos!!! Ticker tape.
Think that deserves some <<<<<<<PINGS>>>>>>Luise. Please, do us the honors.  @>--->------>

[cocobars]

Luise is performing some webmaster skills!  She's busy right now, but when she's done, she needs some very BIG KUDO's!  We should all be proud of her!   She is moving some things around and will be working hard teaching herself!  LOL!

Luise!  We are "pinging" you!  It's YOUR turn!
Pingity    pingity   ping PING     PING!
You are the "WEBMASTER, AND the "fairy godmother!

[luise.volta]

Lets see...where'd I put that thing? Not in it's holster for safe keeping? Darn! Oops the Chihuahua-person got a hold of it and it was in his little., heated kennel; (a cat box turned upside down!) OK-ready?

pING;;;PING...PINGITY PING!!

[tillykilly]

thank you cocobars for your response and i agree with all you say, though the extreme loneliness is partly responsible for my dilemma.  i have been trying for over 5yrs entirely alone in going to day clubs, mostly for those alot older than me and have found cliqueness and the usual im ok jack sod you attitude, i have joined churches and been received and liked very well only to have a small 'group' who have destroyed in one fell swoop my self esteem and violated my confidence toward them.. i have my own home house and lovely gardens and financially secure, (it would seem much to  the chagrin of some),and i have welcomed and fed half the world it seems in trying to meet and make friends....i try too hard so i dont get respected my one time counsellor told me, but i am friendly and kind, not weak and stupid as others would have me believe...including my own family...my parents no longer alive and 2 brothers older have also gone, i have no other family at all and friends didn't bother to keep in touch when i moved many years ago,...my house is somewhat isolated and so i dont have neighbours that interact and i just dont know where to go if i sold up....2 of my sons leave around the block and the only one i do see is just 15 miles away but keeps me excluded (visits by appointment only) lol to be honest i am sick of trying and it would seem, may i say rather cynically that i am through with 'casting my pearls among swine'.  i do alot of what you say bless your loving heart and it helps to know that others have my experience, and though i am turned 60 apart from being a bit overweight i still can scrub up pretty good, hope not sounding smug but for all of it i never go out side the door and holidaying alone is tortuous. i just cant believe that after nearly 40yrs of giving giving and giving and dedication to my family that i am the one with nothing and no one...coco i have so much to give and still believe there is a god, but feel pissed with him too at the moment!!! i was no freak when i started out but getting nowhere not even a bye your leave for my efforts, has me thinking 'what good am i' i have answered some others on here, after getting around pretty well i think, and there sure is a whole lot of ---- about, but out of the dark comes light and here, blessings to you all x

[cocobars]

tillykilly, I understand wholeheartedly being "pissed" with God.  I've been there too!  Sometime life just hands you lemons!  LOL!  I reached a place where I finally saw that it wasn't God handing me those lemons, but looked around and saw that he was, in some small way at first trying to get my attention and bail me out lovingly.  I don't remember which post it was, and I'll try to get back to you on that so you can look it up.  Anyway, 3 years ago I came back up north, where my family lives.  I had lost everything.  I sat out on the patio each morning and just cried my days away.  I was mad at God for putting me there.  It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't God, but my husband that did that.  We all have our own free will here, and God lets us have that with our gift of life.  When so many things go wrong at once, and you are so lonely and hurt by others, sometimes God (or karma), or just the universe reaches out to you, but you have to look for it at first, because when you are in that dark place of your own hurt, you just don't always see that you are not alone.  Anyway, I sat and cried and before I knew it birds started coming and landing in the bushes and trees around where I was sitting.  Not all in one day, but each day I went out there would be a few more.  I would sit and cry, and they would watch.  This entire story I'm telling you took place over about a month or so.  Anyway, pretty soon squirrels started coming and looking at me.  I cried, they watched.  After awhile, their attention to me brought my attention away from me and on them.  I started bringing bread out with me and broke it up, throwing them the pieces.  They loved it and seemed to thrive on being fed.  Every morning they would still be there waiting.  Pretty soon I stopped all that crying. Chickie made a comment about this story when I was telling someone else about it.  She said I was looking to be loved and reaching out (which looking back was so true).  I felt unloved, just like you are feeling now.  I didn't notice the birds at first, not until I had a whole "audience!"  LOL!  But, I do believe that experience was actually "heaven sent."  God was answering me, but I didn't notice it until I had a "CROWD."  Those birds and squirrels are still at my patio and have become my family.  I have gone out of town and asked my father to go give them some food while I'm gone, and he said they weren't there.  Anyway, what I am saying is that I absolutely understand your anger.  I'm just asking you to start watching for answers.  You may not notice them right away, and they may be very small and easy to overlook, but I really have learned that we are not alone.  We are sharing our pain and being hugged from the other side, sometimes without realizing that. 

I've noticed your posts here to other women and have been impressed with the compassion you have passed on.  Have you thought about looking for a job as a volunteer somewhere?  Sometimes all it takes is getting out of the house and helping others. If that's not possible, then I believe God can reach you wherever you are - even if that is on your own patio crying your eyes out!  Even if it is on this site reaching out to other women who are experiencing such pain also. 

Hang in here Tilly!  You are doing something good for yourself, just being here and we all appreciate your loving efforts!  I'm not sure you were not lead to this place with your big heart!  You never know when you will start making lemonade from all those lemons...

[cocobars]

quote from tilly:

"and though i am turned 60 apart from being a bit overweight i still can scrub up pretty good, hope not sounding smug but for all of it i never go out side the door and holidaying alone is tortuous."

Tilly!  you just crack me up!  Yes we do need you here!!!  LOL!

[renny97]

Oooooh, Coco, that was such a beautiful reflection! How symbolic!

You explain beautifully, that we are all dealt things we don't like in our lives. But, it is our reaction, that can be a turning point.

I've had the moments of sitting with nature when I didn't know where else to turn. My grandmother, always told me when I wanted to seek answers to problems, to watch nature. Your story, is a perfect example. Sure, we enjoy our natural surroundings, but it has always had a peace about it for me. I live in a rural area, too. I would watch my furbabies and see, how happy they are. Although today, they came in quickly with our winter storm.. . At one time, I even went and sat under this magnificent tree out back (summertime), and had a good cry over a past event. My old dog now, is very sensitive when I get emotional. She comes up and tries to kiss face  .

I think when we get quiet with ourselves, things seem to lighten a bit. It is just us, nature, and God, if we believe. There will be unanswered prayers, and we don't know "why" right away...but, I really do believe we are brought to the place we need to be. Some times, in direct and obvious ways, and some times, as you say, in such a subtle and consistent way, until it is as if we finally "listen." We get "it." Change, isn't easy.

I am especially aware of "something or someone" guiding me to a new place. It is as if everything in my life, I hold dear, is eluding me. Soon, there will be deadlines, and no matter what the outcome, I will be relieved. I've been so filled with anxiety over such matters. I am ready, for any new direction that may come.

Thank you so much for such a touching insight! I would like to know, did you ever name any of your friends of nature? My mother, used to have "pet" squirrels that came around. She would feed them by hand. She said she enjoyed watching them eat, because she was so poor when she was little. She, too, believed in nature being telling. People may say "coincidence" but, when she passed, one of those squirrels lie dead on the corner of her yard.

So, I will stop with the grim, but animals are so pure. I am sure you were guided to be and help where you are now. You truly are an angel here as well. It can be better. And, thank you for the reminder.

[cocobars]

It's so funny that you would ask that, Renny!  I have names for my furry and feathered family!  Some of them have passed and I was privy to watching their passing (I haven't figured out yet where the name privy comes from there).  I guess it always means something to every being that someone who loves them dearly is there when they go, and someone who loves them dearly is there to receive them when they come!  It's a very important place and I feel God gave me a gift during that horrible time that I was reaching out!  My birds and squirrels and very tame and many of them will come eat out of my hands now.  I know I sound like a homeless woman (as that is what I've observed homeless women doing down in D.C.), but if they have that same gift of loving every being - instead of just humans, then I understand where it came from! 

I have a Jack Russell Terrier who took two Robin babies last summer.  The good thing was that the parents had one baby left, which grew and flew!  HA!  The second of the three babies, I stopped the dog from destroying, but it was too late, and I held it and cried, because the mother came and sat on the table in front of me and stared.  I know alot of people don't give credit to animals, but I saw the look in her eyes, and it was "sorrow."

Anyway, yes - I do have names.  I don't think anything or person here is really more important than anything or anyone else.  We all have purpose and are living that purpose in the best way we can.  If nobody ever speaks to me again, because they think I am now deemed a basket case, that's fine.  I am who I am and have seen other things that most people don't see. 

It sounds like your mother did too!  I have an american indian background.  Maybe that has something to do with it.  But I also have German and English ancestry.  Go figure!!

[luise.volta]

Beautiful!

[cocobars]

This came through from tilly in a PM.  She couldn't find her post since it was moved.  Tilly, since I'm posting this I hope you will find it at the bottom of the page.  I will send you a PM telling you where your post is also:

hi all and thank you again coco for your reply i was getting a bit cocky thinking i was getting around here ok  but i am on a paper chase for my messages and seem to find them some place else each time, is that me or you or just this site LOL   how heart warming that you noticed my replys, and yes i do try voluntary a while back now as a healer and personal medium...you know too coco that you have psychic abilities, which i pick up on right from the start, kindred spirits always read well...yes i too love the nature and spend much time feeding the wildlife, and such like, and take great pleasure when i spot my robins as they are noted in legend to be of spiritual assistance and i commune daily with my parents, who are a magnificent help and suggest many things i dont think of ...ie new ways to handle a novel situation...always and ever say and write 5 daily gratitudes, a knowledge that all is just as it is meant to be, and with a gentle kick in ass to the man above to get things moving and then i go on my merry way....until .....a tune here and a memory there, but you're right the tears fall only so many days and only for so long and in comparison to 24/7 that is improvement...i see your photo, is that really you coco or some film star you put up there    i was going to try doing a stint for the samaritans but i thought if they get me and are not heading over the edge they soon would be by the time i finished with them!!!  only kidding but it is all about compassion and that is a higher level of love..it never ceases to amaze me how people say about loving, forgiveness, finding grace and strength but until one has suffered in depth and in many varied ways we never truly know how to offer the greatest gift of all  'unconditional love'.........now dont get me started coco you are my inspiration and all blessings to you one and all ..tillyx  ps seem to have lost thread for post ...no title... errors came up recepient not found?