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My son is pushing me out of his life

Started by Hope, February 15, 2010, 01:18:28 pm

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2chickiebaby

Hope,
This is all about her. Her unhappiness and her, her, her.  There isn't anything you can do at all that I can see.  I know how hard this is and believe me, the grief can be overwhelming.

I'd suggest no more inviting at all.  So sad!  She's miserable (probably because of not having child or other reasons, unless I missed that one)  As long as she's miserable, he's miserable.

My son broke off with DIL too before they married.  She treated a store clerk rudely, he said he couldn't tolerate that.  I said, "Thank God" to him.  I am certain that after she wined and dined me to make him come back, he told her what I said.

So, there you go with me.  OUT OUT OUT.  Hang in there and wait them out.  She's likely treating him with the same disrespect she was at first.  He doesn't want you to know or see it.

Hope

Thanks, Creme and Chickie, for your support.  It feels great to talk to others that really understand the pain.  At least I can look forward to seeing BS on occassion - strained as it may be.  You give me strength to pull back - I will not initiate contact.  However, we will be getting together for my and YD bday in a couple weeks and my daughters and I will be planning a baby shower for DIL in late spring.  We usually see BS/DIL on Easter as well, but when we see them it's always a large gathering and we usually don't say more than a few words to eachother.   Do you think it best for me to be more reserved and wait for them to initiate conversation at these occassions?

cremebrulee

Yup, misery loves company.... ::)
Hope, one thing I found is, that these woman, take away the identity of our son's...they are no longer people we raised...they compromise they're identities to be who they think they're wives want, to keep peace...and, I found myself doing the same around her...they are so intimidating...you feel like your walking on egg shells...do you find that? 

I would say, and perhaps I'm wrong, is, don't be who you are not to pleae them.  Continue being who you are....regardless of how you are, she is going to find something wrong...believe me..they're whole purpose in life is to make your son believe you are a bad person....while I don't believe they succeed, our son's feel they have to go along with it, to keep peace, they do what is best for them.

If someone would ahve told me, years ago, that this was going to happen, I'd have said, "No Way"....however, I now know, my son's father and step mother were right about her....and I was wrong...I used to defend her...for a long time...so, don't trade your values, b/c peace at all costs, is no peace at all....

hugs and lots of prayers sent your way
Creme

2chickiebaby

Good points, Creme...but, I do think mine have become exactly what and who their wives are, right down to how they feel.  Unbelievable!!

luise.volta

Keep your thoughts with us. We're a Safe Deposit Box!   ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

2chickiebaby

Will someone please give us the permission to be human?  I mean it seems when we're MILs, we lose that ability.

Hope, don't beat yourself up for every little thing you said and did.  I've been there, going over and over every detail of what I might have said in my head till it nearly drove me crazy.  It doesn't do any good...just hurts us further.

We're human and we don't know where the DILs are coming from half the time.  We don't know their territory so we're going to make MISTAKES and say things we shouldn't. 

I think you're doing very well and I commend you!!

Hope

Thanks, Chickie, Luise, and Anna.  I found a safe place to share.  I just wanted everyone to know that I was off work Monday for the holiday and Tuesday due to our severe snow, but today I'm back to work, then I have a class tonight.  Tomorrow I'm working a 13 hour day, so I won't be back for a few days.  I'll be thinking of what everyone wrote.  Thanks again.
Hugs, Hope

cremebrulee

Hope, we all talk to much sometimes, however, when it's done out of concern for a person, I don't think that is quit as bad as passing on unreliable gossip....this is happening to you and it hurts bad....and you need to vent....and as you said, you were all worried...so, you did your best at the time....another one of life's lessons....

Perhaps when your together, you could tell them, "Yanno, when this first came about, I was worried, however, you proved me wrong, and I'm thankful for that"  Sometime when the time is right, give them a complement...in front of everyone?  I don't think we do that enough, I think we as human  beings should give more credit to those we know....and love...look for the positive in them....including myself.

Hugs and love
Creme


Hope

All good thoughts, Creme.  I'll look for the opportunity to drop a compliment or two their way.  One thing I've done with my SIL is make sure I talk friendly to him in front of large groups to show my approval of him.  And I'm going to try to make my tongue behave.  I'll work on it.  Thanks for your input - it means a lot.
Hugs, Hope

cocobars

Hi Hope!
I don't know how I missed welcoming you!  One of my daughter's names is Hope!  I love it! 

I have to agree with the other women here.  We are all human and sometimes we trip over our words.  Explaining to them the situation (as you saw it at the time) may help them to understand the comments made, and then following the explanation with Creme's wonderful suggestion of a compliment may be just what they need from you! 

I don't see that you're doing anything wrong here!  I hope you will keep us posted!

Take care! :)

Hope

Coco,
Thanks for the warm welcome.  I have enjoyed reading all your other posts on various topics very much - I feel like we're already friends.  You along with the other women amaze me with your wisdom and graciousness. 

cocobars

February 21, 2010, 09:15:39 am #26 Last Edit: February 21, 2010, 09:17:25 am by cocobars
Thanks Hope!  I think we are already friends too.  We already have a common interest - this site! ;D ;D

cocobars

P.S.- Hope, your wisdom and compassion is there!  Just start responding like you are and writing it down.  You will be surprised what it does for you and what you know that you just didn't see about yourself!  I think we have that and it's a special kind of person who is drawn to this site here.

You're already writing.  You'll see!  You belong here - it's in your name! ;D

Hope

Coco,
I love your encouragement.  You are a beautiful person.

luise.volta

Old Saying I just made up: "She's an old friend I just met." ;)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama