One More Try

[irenic]

Ok so I am a fool, I tried today to reach out to my daughter, I sent her a message asking if she wanted my Mother and Father's things, (they have both passed away).  I requested she leave me a message if she wants anything, i will let her make her mind up prior to giving the things to other family members since we are
planningon moving out of the state, they were all we had here and if we can't be with them, we
will move to be near our other children (my stepdaughters). 

Well no word, she has put her wedding photos on her FB page , of course so that I could see them.  She has also contacted
the members of my brother's family on FB, knowing that my brother molested me as a child and I had no part of him or
his wife and kids.  My daughter is manipulative and I suppose I was too trying to get her to contact me.

I miss my grandkids, I am dying inside this week, it has been so hard.

I feel as though my heart is going to split right out of my chest.


I won't tell my husbnad, he thinks I should leave it alone and not contact her at all.  Stupid me.!
Just needed some reassurance, am I crazy to want contact with someone so nasty and evil?

[cremebrulee]

no you are not crazy, or a fool, you love them...you are not stupid for holding onto hope...your desperate and it's hurting you, your trying everything you can to resolve this, to get her to respond...however, please know that when you do contact her, you set yourself up to fail again if she doesn't contact you...then it starts all over again...you play and replay situations in your mind, until you can't sleep...please try to calm yourself and know, you have this forum and all the ladies in it to care for you...plus your husband...turn to him in love and appreciation for him...work with the tools you already have....your husband...try and consentrate on him....if you give him love, he will return it, and perhaps it will help to fill that void a little.


and I do hope that there will be a respond from your daughter...

hugs
Creme

[luise.volta]

Your daughter didn't start out that way and you remember when she was different and you hope. My heart goes out to you and I know there are better days ahead. Not with her necessarily but for you. Sending love...

[jill]

Dear Irenic,
I am so sorry for your pain, I know exactly how it is, I am going through the same thing, but no husband to turn to, and ashamed to let my friends know about this problem.  Creme has such wonderful wise words, you do have a way of knowing exactly how people feel, Creme.  I get comfort from your posts.
..Jill   

[Eva]

Jill what happened with your oldest daughter?
why did she cut you off?
did she gave you her reasons?
from your words you love her very much
so why she is so cold?

[jill]

She said she felt responsible for me, had to invite me at Christmas etc. so I would not be alone, I always spent Christmas Eve there, because I thought she wanted to spend Christmas with me, but turns out she did not.  She also twists anything I have ever said to her, and blames me for everything that went wrong in her life.  I have babysat my gd when they went away, and many times when she was younger, school holidays etc. but nothing I have done for her means anything any more.   

[Eva]

I am so sorry Jill
sending you hug
I hope your daughter  will open her eyes
mother -daughter is really special bond very hard to brake

how old is she?
psychologist are saying that around age 30
children are most critical for their parents upbringing

[jill]

Thank you for your kind words, Eva.  My older daughter is 42.

[Eva]

Jill
I hope that your daughter  find a peace in her heart
especially at Christmas time to spend some time with you
do you want to go to her house or
will you  be spending Christmas
this year with your younger daughter?
I am sure Jill that your girls love you
they are just busy with their life

I have 3 sisters Living in Poland and I am living in Canada,
we rotated Christmas with our mom,
so every 4 years mom did spend the time with us here,
it was nice because  January 7 is mom birthday,
and our 4 kids knew their grandma b/c
mom stayed with us for 3 months
last time my mom flew the plane she was 73 years old
and it was very hard on her,
no knowing language, she was lost in airport
falling a sleep almost missed her plane
but my mom was very brave that she did that for me

my mom will be 84
last summer I did visited her in Poland
she was happy to see me,
my oldest sister is now taking care of our mom

[jomama]

psychologist are saying that around age 30
children are most critical for their parents upbringing

  My daughter is 31, today. Did they mention when it stops?  I've started keeping an art journal for my gcs, so someday they'll know I didn't forget them. I'll fill it with love, laughter, wishes and kisses, and all the things we shared.

[Eva]

jomama
psychologists are saying  that it takes time and
angry person is going through the process
1-angry
2-denials
3-depression
4-acceptance
sometime angry person is staying in one stage
not moving forward
or from stage 3. depression fall back to stage 1.angry

just keep the chanel of communication between you to
always open  and give them space and time

I did send DS e-mail on his birthday in January
just wishing him well
he did surprised me b/c how hateful and angry he is toward to me
refusing my invitation to come and be with all family
but he did e-mailed me on my birthday in March wishing me well

[jomama]

jomama
psychologists are saying  that it takes time and
angry person is going through the process
1-angry
2-denials
3-depression
4-acceptance
sometime angry person is staying in one stage
not moving forward
or from stage 3. depression fall back to stage 1.angry

just keep the chanel of communication between you to
always open  and give them space and time

I did send DS e-mail on his birthday in January
just wishing him well
he did surprised me b/c how hateful and angry he is toward to me
refusing my invitation to come and be with all family
but he did e-mailed me on my birthday in March wishing me well

I wish I could, but there aren't any channels of communications- she closed them all. We cannot reach the gcs and they can't reach us. We had our Friday Night Pizza Party, and 8 hours later-POOF!- they've disappeared. Not a word to anyone...until her hateful lies on Facebook.
  Her ex-IL were finally allowed to talk to gcs last night.  Turns out her new ILs offered a hefty inheritance IF and ONLY IF they can raise the children in their chosen religion. Since pressure to join said religion was the reason DD and her dh left Utah, she needed a new story.  So the children are lied to and denied the only family they know, and everyone suffers except dd. She's not the least bit fazed.
Yeah, today I'm

(But not at you- just ranting & raving )

[luise.volta]

This is a good place to do that. No need to keep it bottled up. Once our "kids" become "adults" they are on their own path, making their own choices and learning their own lessons. That is so hard to get when we can see a better, kinder, safer ways. We need to vent and then nurture ourselves. We have our own life to live beyond theirs.